(MM- thanks for the typo)

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i see you

my eyes are hardened

yours are still the same.

i expect we will die on different planets orbitting the sun, y'know

you can be burning up on venus

i'll be struggling for solitary alignment and frozen air in the atmospheric pretensious prison of pluto

(the milky way is which to find solace.)

please change my world i can't stand it the way it is tilted on its axis like it's going to fall any moment, fall through the loopholes of our lapsed plan.

she read your words

and if anyone ever pined before.

it's beautiful that the passion guided you

really, it is.

in your khakis you are asking for a napkin now and maybe a copy of the bible you will read from

to wow them with your intellect

yet i am lost, gazing up from anecdotal mountains.

Miss Misery, it read when i looked you up in the phone book

slammed it shut to feel the dust run through my hair

and never feeling so alive, no

i was the last one in, the last one out

you seem like you've found happiness and it's store-bought

so well put-together

so well thought-out

but then it kicks you in

and ends up fucking you out.

i see you

my eyes are hardened,

yours are still the same.

oh Miss Misery you leave me this way again

tell me why after all these years

i still consider you my greatest friend?

oh Miss Misery i gave you my all

yet THIS loneliness is...

deafening.

anger tells me i need to give you up

but i've tried, i've tried

i'm calling you out

angel, i want to give you up

my body's tired and my patience has worn thin like the weathered finger of father time strumming his guitar

you starve me in the desert and expect me to smile when you're near

i can't do that, this effect you have over me is unprecedented,

i'm the pacific ocean but you play el nino so nicely.

play el nino again, hover over my deathbed, this i implore you because

the loneliness is so deafening.

in the daytime i will smile, i will play cards and i will knock you over with my charm

if i play the right cards, maybe i'll get a kind word

but you leave me alone when the sun falls

and then i scream, spin down the ugly boulevard

raping the prostitutes so nicely, pools of their insides and i will kill again

i will rise again from the underbelly of the industrial beast.

the magician is waiting, wrists open and slit.

a struggle of power, a tug-of-war

held in my young hands and i am a crashing bore

(miss misery, how come you never want to go home with me?

it's sad to say but i miss you when one of us is away)

and i'm away a lot.

stains of indigo

i drank from your chalice of the well-put-together-thoughts

toast to you the fruit of my vine

you were a negotiator to my demon

and really, was i that bad?

i'd never act on my impulses that run through into my nervous system

i am a nervous wreck shivering at the bottom of the sea,

this deafening loneliness becomes me.

in the daytime i will be the good doctor

and my words will mend you over

yet my eyes will be hardened behind the glass lens, so rightfully fogged up

because everything nowadays is just so fucked up

is this wrong?

49 times. i am a shame. i am a hindrance. Miss Misery,

why keep me alive?

was it the most selfish thing you could do?

when all i barely get is a greeting of acknowledgment from you,

what was worth keeping me on?

(break me from my heart machine, you tumor)

sorry is the weakest painting, you know you were supposed to have all the answers before time even started.

so fill up my cup with your bitter-tasting almond cyanide sympathy, please

you were my force of gravity and in that time i was drawn to you.

i see you one last time,

my eyes are hardened, yours are still the same.

49 and a half

building my rocket out there somewhere

to pluto, i suppose

loneliness and coldness, it's all someone as despicable as me knows

for i have let hyde take me over

(my cup, for it runneth over)

Miss Misery opens Pandora's Box but Hope is never received.

and this is all so horrible, so I cannot believe.

is this wrong?

i fall asleep with dreams of you (Miss Misery) in my naive sweetheart head

on a bench,

perched up like that cowboy on a fence

you changed my world, this past

it's got now forever

i drink to memories of what was never was and i find it hard to fight the gray killer i've become.

my only complaint now would be that the loneliness is just deafening.