The realm of ambivalence

By: Jin Cui

What world is this that I’ve found?
Where walls surround me,
Where resting within the shadows is comforting,
Where opening my eyes is painful,
Why do I have to push myself through these restricting gates of life?

I’ve wondered across all the forgotten seams and crevices.
I’ve looked deep into time soaked eyes.
I’ve stood upon the fractured foundation of this world.
And realized that everything lay within a lusterless heap of ambivalence.
Why? Because this is my world, my home, my creation.

Though the occasional melodious gibberish entices me,
But the cacophony of fear and anger will always prevail.
I did, once, open my eyes wide to the ubiquitous signs of life.
Yet found only a single road before me paved by attenuated dreams,
Dreams of the trivial indulgences of a flawed existence.

And in the end, I remain blinded by my self indulgent solitude.
Thus I wait patiently for my number to be seated,
I wait peacefully for the final chord,
I wait lethargically within my shielded cage of arrogant ignorance,
Until I eventually become a whisper of a thought within another’s mind.

But you see, now that I’ve finally toppled over the ledge,
I know the truth...
I see the truth...

I did not find or create this world;
I simply peeled back my sleeve and slipped into the realm of ambivalence.