I sat down at my computer, my smiley coffee mug grinning foolishly as it created mocha rings across the blue paint on my desk. This had been a morning ritual for sometime: get up, make coffee, check e-mails.

Some mornings, it was a wonderful ordered ritual in a chaotic world. The calm before the storm of the day. The sun would rise over the tops of the trees and kiss the edge of my screen, as I sifted through e-mails and messages on AIM, smiling at the silly, sleep-deprived answers to witty aways. I always hoped for a note from my guy, telling me how he missed me as I slept, or how he had discovered some new song at 5am he wanted me to hear.

But this morning was different.

The world was still asleep as I dragged my cup across the desk surface, drawing patterns with the circles. I couldn’t sleep, so I’d dragged myself out of the warm embrace of my blankets a whole hour early. I flipped on the lamp next to my keyboard; the sun was still hidden behind the trees and thick grey clouds.

There were no messages in my away box and I deleted a box full of e-mails selling sex and printer ink. There was nothing worth saving.

I sighed, pulling my comforter closer around me as I ran down the names on my buddy list, reading away messages and profiles, searching for something I knew I wouldn’t find.

I reached the middle and my mouse hovered over the central screen name; it was his.

“Don’t do it, Mina.” I cautioned myself, dangerously close to looking anyway. “It’ll only hurt more...”

But I couldn’t help it.

I scanned through his profile, cringing as I read a love message to his new girl, a quote from a mutual friend, and a line from a new song he’d never send to me, never write to me about.

I closed the window, clutching the forgotten coffee mug between shaking fingers. I drew a deep breath, moving the cursor down to the next name, crying as I sat there alone.

The world was asleep, the sun had not yet risen over the trees, yet I was awake, and lonely, and reading the world’s away messages...

Mina