Aubrey

Chapter Eight

“You didn’t bring your board,” Aubrey said resentfully when we met up with Cherish and Tracey Saturday afternoon.

“Yeah,” Tracey said sadly. “The deck got totally thrashed yesterday when I was out with Cherish; I managed to find my roller blades, but you know, it’s not the same.”

“I think they look good on you, Tracey,” I said sincerely. “You make them look, well, almost hot.”

He had dressed to match his orange and black roller blades by putting on a pair of black denim shorts with orange stitches that fell just past his knees, and an orange top with a black paint hand print spattered on it that I’m sure he must have done himself. Plus he had a studded bracelet and a hemp collar, which fit in with our stereotypical picture of him as a California boy.

“I can skate, Danny, look!” Cherish demanded happily, doing a complete 360 in front of me. “Tracey showed me.”

“Yeah, you’re doing great,” I replied honestly. “You must have spent a lot of time with Tracey to get so good.” I stared at Tracey curiously, but he just shrugged and shook his head.

“It’s not like that,” he said calmly, and I could tell by the earnest strain in his voice that he was being completely truthful.

“Where’s Dustin anyway?” Aubrey wondered, scratching underneath the dog collar choker I had placed on him that morning. His dad had stared at it for a few seconds at breakfast, but had only smiled and sipped his coffee rather than say anything.

Nobody answered his question; we just lay back on the park bench and waited patiently. Somehow we couldn’t start anything unless Dustin was there, though I doubt Dustin himself realized how crucial he was to us as a member of the group. He was just one of those people who others naturally looked to for leadership, rational and easy-going, a mediator.

Finally I saw him coming our way on roller blades in smooth side-to-side movements, his golden brown ringlets sweeping his forehead.

“It’s easy to find you guys,” he commented, swerving to a quick stop in front of us. “Tracey’s hair stands out like a flag.”

Tracey smiled and tossed his head, sending the lush, silvery blond strands over his shoulder in a swift arch.

Dustin was wearing only a dark gray and blue pair of roller blades and Tommy Hilfiger jeans, leaving his arms, chest and throat completely bare. I cannot begin to explain how beautiful his body was, with his steep abs and the smooth, tanned skin of his pecs. He could have been a model or an ancient Greek god; even his gray blue eyes were suddenly soft and alluring as he stared at us through lowered eyelids, lashes glinting in the bright light of day.

“Why are you guys just sitting there? Aren’t you going to skate?” He asked.

“When I’m finished looking at you,” Tracey purred, moving right up to Dustin and sliding a hand over that taught, smooth belly. I could sense Aubrey gulp beside me as Dustin blushed, biting his lip suddenly to hold back a shy smile. When his eyes caught Tracey’s, he didn’t seem able to see anything else.

For a moment they looked amazingly close to kissing, but the moment burned out with a reluctant hiss and they pulled apart, Dustin looking confused and embarrassed as he nervously tucked a lock of hair behind his ear, while Tracey seemed somewhat triumphant.

Aubrey growled his approval, making Dustin blush furiously; I don’t think he realized we were watching.

“Uh, c-come on, guys,” he stammered. “We can’t just sit around here all day.” He turned around quickly and skated away, and Cherish followed him eagerly, laughing and calling for Tracey to catch up.

Aubrey was trying to teach me to ride his skateboard, with my feet at three and twelve, but the board kept swishing back and forth in under me; I didn’t trust it to hold all my weight.

“Do you think Dustin’s really that shy?” I asked as Aubrey steadied me, his hands on my hips.

“That, all of a sudden?” Aubrey said in surprise. “Focus, Danny, you don’t want to fall.”

“I’m going to fall anyway,” I grunted uncomfortably. “The board keeps moving and people are looking at us, maybe you better let go, Aubrey- woof!”

I landed right on my ass.

“Why did you let go?” I demanded sorely.

“You told me to,” Aubrey replied, gazing down at me curiously for a second before helping me up and retrieving the skateboard.

Somehow Danny-on-wheels was just not going to happen. I could not seem to stick to the board like other people; it kept wiggling out from beneath me.

“You just have to assert yourself,” Aubrey explained to me. “You’re too nervous and it makes you squirmy. Not that I don’t like squirming, but it is generally unhelpful when one is learning to skate.”

“You’re unhelpful,” I sighed, sitting back on a bench. “Anyway, about what I was saying before, what do you think?”

“About Dustin? I dunno, I’ve only known him for a while. You should know, Danny, you’re practically his best friend.”

“I’ve never known him to be shy,” I replied. “He’s usually so confident and kind of macho.”

“Well, you’ve never known him to be bisexual before either,” Aubrey pointed out with a wide grin. “You have to remember this is unexplored territory to him. Plus, he’s just so used to his ‘macho’ exterior image, it probably feels entirely different to him to be treated like… um…”

“Like a girl?” I grinned.

“That’s not what I was going to say,” Aubrey retorted with a wry laugh.

“Sure it wasn’t. But he seemed to like it anyway.”

“Like what? Nothing happened.” Aubrey stared dubiously.

“Tracey noticed him, Aubrey,” I sighed. “Do I have to spell it out?”

“Well, yeah, there’s that,” Aubrey agreed, “but that’s no big difference. We’ve all noticed Dustin; he’s too hot to go unnoticed by anyone within a five mile radius, be them gay, straight, or womenfolk.”

I smiled against my will and stood up.

“I think he and Tracey should get together.”

“Obviously. That would be so much fun.”

“What do you mean?” I asked.

“Double dating, foursomes, you know,” Aubrey smirked, an utterly demonic squint in his eye as he rubbed his chin maniacally.

“You’re awful,” I said dryly, bonking him on the head.

“But I don’t hit people,” he said resentfully.

“Shut up. Slave. Teach me this thing you call ‘skateboarding’.”

“Yes, my lord,” Aubrey said gravely, bowing and directing my feet to the three and twelve o’clock positions on his board that had a custom painting of Heath Ledger on the bottom.

When we met up with the others again they were skating in circles absently, each concentrating on balancing their double dip ice cream cones and eating it before it melted. Aubrey got two, ate them both, then got two more and gave one to me as he started on his third.

“We should come here every Saturday,” I sighed, relaxing on a bench for the hundredth time that day.

“What for, Danny?” Aubrey teased. “You haven’t even been on a skateboard yet.”

“Burn,” I ordered.

“Are you having fun, Danny?” Dustin asked with a smile, slowing to a stop in front of me and sitting down. “It’s hot out.”

“I’m going to take Cherish to get another ice cream,” Tracey called, pushing off with the blue-haired boy in tow.

“He’s really into being kind to Cherish,” Dustin mused.

“It’s really sweet, isn’t it?” I agreed.

“Yeah, Tracey treats him just like family. He’s a nice guy, don’t you think?”

I winked at Aubrey.

“Yeah, I think so.”

“And he’s so cute, too. I’d really like to ask him out.”

Aubrey, who’d been flipping his board and listening half-heartedly, fell right over.

“But… you can’t…” he gasped. “He’s got something wrong with him.”

“So? What do you mean?” Dustin demanded, leaning forward with his elbows on his knees and staring intensely at Aubrey.

“Well, he’s… a bit… It wouldn’t be right, would it?”

“Who are you talking about?” I demanded.

“Cherish,” Aubrey explained earnestly.

“Dustin was talking about Tracey,” I retorted. “Skate or talk; don’t try to do both, you’re not that mentally coordinated.” I kissed the top of his head and he got up and went back to pulling tricks on his skateboard. I rolled my eyes in silent exasperation. Dustin was laughing.

“You guys get along so well. But, aren’t you afraid that if someone sees you they’ll make your life difficult?” he asked me, his gray blue eyes wide.

“Like who? Kevin?” I snorted. “What can he do to us?”

“Well…” Dustin trailed off uncertainly. “Well I would be afraid to be with someone, and to be so open about it… If anyone found out…”

“You’ll never get what you want if you’re always afraid of what others think,” I told him. “Trying to please everybody else will just make you bitter.”

“I guess.”

“Tracey’s coming back,” I commented. “Go ahead, ask him out.”

“No, no,” Dustin said quickly. “It was just a thought.” He stared determinedly at his feet with his hands clenching the bench, seemingly for support. The thick curve of his back as he slouched reminded me of my neighbors wilting sunflowers.

I sighed and agreeably left it alone.

“Here comes trouble,” Tracey commented dryly as he stopped in front of our bench. He was gazing over our heads at something in the distance.

Aubrey stopped what he was doing and glanced in the same direction before sighing angrily.

“Of all the rotten luck!”

Dustin and I glanced behind us and there was Kevin smoking a cigarette under a lamp post with a couple of potheads. He saw us looking at him and came over, head down with the cigarette dangling from his fingertips.

“Hey,” he said to us with a smirk. “It’s the guys from Queer as Folk.”

“That’s too harsh for your delicate eyes, Kevin. Doesn’t it come on past your bedtime?” Tracey demanded.

“Like I’d actually watch it,” Kevin retorted, trying to appear tough by gazing off into the distance as he took a long draw on his cigarette. “My sister watches that trash.”

“Really?” Aubrey mused. “She seems interesting.”

“Oh, go to hell,” Kevin scowled.

“So what’s up?” Dustin asked him. “Did you do any skating?”

“I can’t skate.”

“Oh yeah,” Dustin said calmly. “Danny can’t skate either, which is funny. He’s so good at sports, you’d think he’d have better coordination.” He leaned back with a relaxed sigh, and Kevin smiled.

See what I mean about Dustin? He can talk to the most evil little worm in the universe and he can carry on a decent conversation like it doesn’t bother him that Kevin probably hated his guts. Dustin just seems to be so in control.

“How did you get here if you didn’t skate?” Aubrey asked him. “You didn’t walk?”

“I got a ride with my sister’s boyfriend,” Kevin replied, flicking his hair back. “He’s off getting stoned.” He nodded in the direction of the way he’d come, where a group of people was standing around smoking what smelled like burning crap.

“That’s gross,” I breathed.

“What’s it to you?” Kevin sneered. “Lots of people get high,” he added, and laughed.

“But you’d think your sister would know better than to let her brother go off with her boyfriend if the man was going to be high,” Tracey said simply.

“So? What are you, the police?” Kevin demanded.

“No, but well…” Aubrey stammered.

“We can give you a ride home later, if you want,” I offered. “Aubrey’s got his dad’s Jag, it’s a sweet ride, if you don’t mind the backseat.”

“Why? Did you come all over it or something? Gross!” Kevin looked freaked out.

“No, we didn’t,” Aubrey laughed. “Though it’s not a bad idea. I can just see my dad now: ‘Aubrey!’” he cried, imitating his dad. “‘What the hell did you do to my car?!’” We all laughed a bit at that. “But you’re more than welcome to catch a ride with us, if you don’t want to risk riding around with a pothead.”

“What do you care?” Kevin asked calmly, throwing his cigarette butt on the ground and stepping on it.

“We just do, Kevin,” I told him. “Some people are like that.”

Kevin looked over at the group of people smoking pot. The smell was emanating from them now in waves. They were doubled over laughing, making a lot of noise and being very hyper.

“I guess,” Kevin said reluctantly. “If it’s not a problem.”

“No problem at all,” Aubrey said cheerfully. He stomped on his skateboard, and caught it when it flipped upward. “Tracey’s got his mom’s car, so there’s plenty of room. We should do something.”

“Like what?” Tracey wondered.

“We could go to the mall,” Dustin suggested. “What do you think, Kevin?”

“Right. Shopping with the queers.”

“Hey, lay off, will you-?” Tracey started to say, but Dustin cut him off.

“We could go through a drive through,” he offered. “I’ll buy.”

There’s no young person alive that’ll turn down free food, so we all agreed quickly before he could change his mind. We ended up going to McDonald’s drive through. Aubrey and I had Dustin and Kevin, so Tracey paid for himself and Cherish. Next to the Jag, his mom’s old clunker seemed a bit obsolete, but Cherish didn’t seem to care, so it didn’t bother Tracey.

“Oh God,” Aubrey declared. “They practically make this stuff out of grease; it’s awesome.” He was driving around, fumbling in the bag for his burger, so to be safe I took it out and handed it to him.

“Thanks,” he said in a muffled voice, holding the burger in his mouth and toying with the cd player. He was determined to be distracted.

“I think my quarter pounder only weighs a sixth of a pound,” Dustin complained, measuring it in his palm.

“Stop whining!” I laughed. “Return it and ask for the full quarter.”

“Bame id no fully averisin,” Aubrey said loudly, the burger still crammed in his mouth.

“What?” I demanded, taking the burger out.

“Blame it on false advertising,” he repeated.

“Oh.” I put the burger back in.

Aubrey held up a cd and showed it to everyone. It was Out of Your Mouth.

“No!” we all cried.

He kept his eye on the stoplight and picked through his cds some more. I rolled my eyes.

He held up some Rammstein.

“Yes,” Dustin said instantly.

“Yes,” I said, to be agreeable.

“You like Rammstein?” Kevin asked.

“Would you rather listen to something else?” I asked politely.

“No no, Rammstein’s good. They’re… great.” He leaned back in his seat, chewing his burger with a slightly puzzled expression on his face, and in a moment the gritty, slightly humorous German metal was filling up the speakers as we pulled away from the four way stop.

“What other cds do you have there?” Kevin asked over the music.

Aubrey picked up the cd case and handed it back to him.

It was a 96 cd carrying case, and it was packed; anyone would have been impressed.

“By the way,” Aubrey yelled. “If anyone gets crumbs in the car, you probably won’t get to ride in it for a week, because I’ll be grounded.”

“Aren’t you scared your parents will find out you’re gay?” Kevin demanded. Talk about out of the blue.

“They already know,” Aubrey called back.

“My parents know too,” I added, thinking of Maverick and what he would say if he saw me driving around with a bunch of guys, eating McDonalds and listening to loud music.

“I guess I’m kinda worried,” Dustin admitted. Aubrey turned the music down.

“My dad’s so big on sports and guy things. I guess if he knew I was bi, he would think I was a girl. I don’t want him to find out.”

“Don’t sleep around with guys then,” Kevin snapped.

“Yeah, I guess I won’t,” Dustin replied casually, staring at his hands in his lap. His blond curls cascaded down, hiding his face. They made intricate patterns of curves and curlicues against his bare chest. I couldn’t help thinking how he sorted needed Tracey right then.

“But if you’re bi, you can still sleep with girls, right?” Kevin suggested. He seemed to be trying to be helpful.

“I guess so, but that’s kind of like, being a coward and not facing the issue,” Dustin pointed out. “What if I didn’t want you to know I watch the OC? Do I just stop watching it, so you won’t find out? I don’t know.”

“But that’s the only sure fire way,” Kevin argued.

“But is it the right way?”

“I don’t know,” Kevin admitted, perplexed. “It’s not right for a guy to sleep with another guy.”
“Because of the Bible,” Dustin said grimly. He comes from a very religious family.

“Because it’s not natural.”

“But humans do a lot of unnatural things,” I told him. “We genetically enhance cattle and we spray vegetables and put people on life support. Are those things bad too?”

Aubrey drove carefully, but he was paying close attention.

“No, but those things are good for people,” Kevin pointed out. “They save lives. Since when did being gay ever help anybody? People get raped, you know.”

“People get raped by straight people too,” Aubrey retorted. Kevin shrugged, unsure of what to say next.

“Would you classify being gay as a neutral thing?” Dustin wondered. “It’s neither good nor bad?”

“I guess,” Kevin said reluctantly. “I just don’t think people should be gay.”

“I think it would be worse to feel hate than it would be to be gay,” Dustin said quietly. “But fair enough. Let’s just agree not to argue about it. The only sure thing is that it’s never going to change, even if we argued all night.”

Kevin went back to picking through his French fries, but he seemed sullen, lost in thought.

We cruised around for another little bit, the music only half as high as it could go, each a prisoner of his own mind.

Tracey’s mom’s car was in front of us, its square white behind taking up the road.

By now the street lamps had come on and were standing straight-backed and heads down, illuminating segments of sidewalk with their blank, one-eyed stares. People out for an evening stroll loomed out of the darkness, glowing in the light of the car headlights. In the sky, stars had appeared like glitter on black construction paper, and the moon was gleaming silver as it swung slowly back and forth on its edge.

Then I could see flashing red lights ahead, and in front of us Tracey hit the brakes. Aubrey’s eyes widened as he calmly did the same, and at the same time he reached over and turned off the music. We heard a siren wailing just up ahead.

“Is it the police?” I wondered, startled.

“I think it’s an ambulance,” Aubrey said tensely.

“I hope no one’s hurt,” Dustin breathed, his voice seeming very small and insignificant.

We drove by slowly, our hearts squeezing a little bit at the sight of the big white ambulance vehicle that was, let’s face it, more often a hearse.

There was a car rammed firmly into a fire hydrant. Water was squirting out in a circular ring around the white-painted cap, and the water was glowing red in the light of the ambulance vehicle. I felt dizzy, looking at that odd red fountain. I thought dimly that someone should turn the water off before the hydrant broke and water went gushing everywhere.

But what really caught our attention was the car. It looked like someone who had been hit hard in the face with a hefty bat and a fierce swing. Metal creases coursed through its body all the way up to the front doors. Its nose was curled around the hydrant in a vice like embrace, and the windshield was all cracked, like the sporadic patterns in a cobweb. There was a hole in the passenger side, just the right size for adult sized shoulders to slip through.

“Noo…” I shuddered.

“That’s my sister’s car,” Kevin breathed. The reality, spoken, seemed to strike him all of a sudden. “That’s my sister’s car!” He reached for the door handle and fumbled with the control for the window instead.

“Did your sister have her cell phone with her?” Aubrey demanded loudly.

“What? What?! I don’t know! Yes.”

“Was she with her boyfriend today?”

“N-no,” Kevin stammered, his teeth chattering. “She stayed home to study. She goes to college. She has midterms this week. She loaned the car to Dex for today so he could go off and… get… high…” The words sank into our ears as though they were struggling to find a place in our brains.

“I would have been in that car,” Kevin said quietly. The ambulance was loading a person into the back on a stretcher.

“Do you want to use my cell phone?” Aubrey offered gently. “To call your sister?”

Kevin was dazed.

“Yes please.”

Aubrey handed it to him and he dialed a number. Busy. He stared sedately out the window as we pulled away from the scene, and Aubrey took us to park in an empty lot across the street. He dialed again and got through this time.

“Sissy,” we heard him say softly. “Sis it’s me. No, Dex is… There’s been an accident… I don’t know… I don’t know… The car’s beat to shit… No I wasn’t in it… I fucked off with some guys from my school… I’ll find out… I know. I love you too sis.”

The ambulance started pulling away, but another was there and the men jumped out and were loading another guy into the back of this one.

“I’ll see you guys later,” Kevin told us, handing Aubrey’s phone back.

“Where are you going?” Dustin asked, concerned.

“I’ll catch a ride with the ambulance to the hospital.”

“We can follow it there if you want,” Aubrey offered.

“No, the ambulance is faster,” Kevin argued. “Thanks anyway. I mean, yeah, thanks.” He stared at us for a long second in awkward gratitude, before getting out of the car and making his way across the street through the slow traffic.

“Wow,” Aubrey said softly.

“I hope everything’s okay,” Dustin said quietly, alone in the back seat amidst the load of forgotten McDonald wrappers.

“Kevin!” I yelled out the window. “Let us know if you need anything!”

He raised his hand without looking back.

“What’s going on?” Tracey pulled up beside us, his window rolled down. We could see Cherish’s eyes, wide with worry in the passenger seat.

“That was Kevin’s sister’s car,” Aubrey said absently, staring off into the blinking red lights. I tried to keep my gaze away from the hydrant, where the gleaming water still spouted, glowing red like a steady pulse.

“She wasn’t-?” Tracey gasped, so audibly it was almost theatrical.

“No, no, she was at home,” Dustin assured him. “Her boyfriend was in it, and some of his friends I guess.”

“But we saw him earlier,” Tracey argued weakly. “He was fine; he was…”

“He was high,” I said grimly. “If he’s alive he’ll end up with a charge for DUI, and possibly possession and endangerment and recklessness.”

We were all silent for a moment, just wondering what would have happened if Kevin hadn’t been with us at the time, imagining what the people in school would say about him, if he’d… if he’d been killed.

“It’s too creepy,” Aubrey shuddered. “Let’s go to my house for a bit. Dad won’t mind; he’s a lonely old recluse. I suppose we’ll know all about it come Monday.”

That’s what we did, driving all the way in an unreal silence. We were sickened by thoughts of how close we had come to losing one of our own, someone our own age who was just out to have a bit of fun on the weekend, and ended up barely escaping injury or death by a fluke; we had been that fluke. The knowledge made our mouths dry and bitter. What if we had never offered?

We might have been some of the last people to see Kevin alive that day. It still makes me ill to think of it. I don’t know if I believe in God. But somehow it seems like fate intervened then, and Kevin got dealt a winning card. Because his sister’s boyfriend?

He died. Two of the people that were with him were also killed, and two more were seriously injured, one of them for life.

There were a lot of factors to consider. First of all there was the severity of the crash. They’d been speeding, and the force with which they hit the hydrant was enough to stick the doors shut. They had to use the Jaws of Life to get them open. That slowed the ambulance down quite a bit.

Also, besides marijuana and cocaine, the guys had done a great deal of speed. It sped up their heart rates, so, you know, they bled faster…

And the guy who got thrown out the windshield because he wasn’t wearing a seatbelt: he just plain didn’t make it.

That always seems so cold to me. He didn’t make it, couldn’t cut it, couldn’t hang in there, ‘threw in the towel.’ After so much stress our bodies will call it a day. They’ll give up on us. Never mind that we want to live. It’s enough; it’s been a long run. Let’s call it quits, we can’t go on… didn’t make it.

I think about all the people who didn’t make it through the day: cemeteries full of people who’d rather be above ground. And how many could still have been, if only, if only! If only they had been more careful! If only they had made the right choice! If only someone had offered them a ride.

It’s as simple as that. It’s like drawing straws. If only we all had a little more luck.

Kevin was lucky.

We talked about it all that night. RJ stayed up with us and we talked into the early hours of the morning, drinking coffee and saying, “I just can’t believe it.” We called home to tell our parents what had happened, and oddly enough, they all understood.

“I’ll be home in a half hour or so,” I told my foster mom.

“Okay, sweetie, just be careful, okay?” she pleaded.

“I will.”

“We care about you, Danny.”

I froze for a second. Words that were foreign to me, words that made no sense… words that were so natural somehow. Humans care about each other. Some people are like that.

“Yeah, I know,” I said quickly, feeling hot tears springing into the corners of my eyes. “I’ll see you soon.”

I hung up the phone and cuddled into Aubrey’s shoulder on the couch.

“You okay, Dan?” he asked, worried.

I nodded and stared solemnly at the knee of his jeans, at the minuscule patterns in the fabric, feeling the slight nudge of his choker against the top of my head.

“I don’t want to think anymore,” I sighed. “I’m tired.”

“We all need some sleep,” RJ decided. He stood up, stretching, his blue eyes bright and weary. “Dustin, you live next door to Danny, so why don’t I take you both home and Tracey, you’ll be alright with Cherish, won’t you?”

“Yes, sir,” Tracey assured him.

“It’s RJ.”

“Yes, sir, RJ.”

RJ gave the heavens a please-help-me look and grabbed his car keys from the coffee table.

“But I was going to drive them home,” Aubrey protested, leaning forward slightly and interrupting my moment of peace.

“You get to bed,” RJ commanded. “It’s enough just to have you home safe, you understand?” He cupped Aubrey’s chin in his palm. “I don’t want that to happen to my boy, my baby.”

Aubrey’s lip wavered, but then he turned away with a sulky ‘hmph.’

“Good night Aubrey,” I said gently, getting up and kissing him lightly on the cheek.

“G’night.”

I smiled at the pouty look on his face and followed Dustin and RJ out the door. Tracey left behind us, his hair a stark white inside the rusty white vehicle, Cherish nodding off beside him.

It was enough just to have us home safe that night.

A/N: Oh, this chapter’s been in the works FOREVER! I really didn’t know what to do with it. I think it went off in half a dozen different directions, and afterward I ended up keeping the most striking. So how will all this affect the relationship between our guys and the insufferable Kevin? O.O And more importantly, will Tracey and Dustin get together?

cue the cheesy daytime drama soundtrack

Find out on the next episode of: Aubrey, a Loveable Switch! Yes, I’m tired. Please review.