Chapter Six

Lamont and I walked into the lunch room and sat down. After a few minutes of silence Adrian finally walked in. He looked at me and I nodded, then he looked at Lamont and got one of his famous smiles.

“Well I guess they are serving lunch now so lets go.” Adrian said.

And with that the table was empty, except for me. I hardly ever eat lunch. But by me being alone at the table someone took that opportunity to approach me.

“Amaya? Why are you messing with Terrace? You knew that was my man, you knew! Why did you still decide to mess with him?” Tanya said. She was one of those girls who were used to having everything their way. But yeah, she was right. I did mess with Terrace, and yeah, I knew she messed with him but I still did it. He gave me whatever I wanted so why not?

“He must not be too tied up to talk to me. I saw and open shot and I took it. And guess what? I scored.” I replied.

“You slut . . . if I wasn’t worried about getting suspended, I would hit you right now. But school rules don’t apply everywhere. So watch ya back, got it?”

“Whatever. Just be prepared. Things aren’t always as easy as they seem.”

“Yeah, but you are, everyone knows it. Doesn’t take much to get you to lift something up.”

“An opinion is just like an asshole, everyone has one. So if your finished running your ass off, I’d like you to vacate the fucking premises. Thank you.” With that I turned my head to let her know the conversation was over. She walked off, looking angry as hell. Not that I cared, I was just looking out for me. Not thirty seconds after she walked off Adrian was power walking over to the table with Lamont looking lost trailing behind him.

“Was that Tanya I saw storming off from the table?” He asked.

“Yeah.” Was all I said.

“You still messing with Terrace, Amaya?” he asked, concerned.

“Yeah. Sort of.”

“Amaya . . . ”

“Look, Adrian, don’t start. I don’t want to hear it. I don’t want you judging me. I just want you there for me. I’m doing what I have to do, all I know how to do. Its not much I am good at but I do know how to work people. Just stop it.” I said as I rose and left the table.

Its not like I didn’t know he cared, he was just looking out for me but this hasn’t been my best day. I just didn’t want to hear it. I left the lunchroom and exited the building. I started down the street. I didn’t know where I was going. Definitely not home, that wasn’t an option. So I was just walking, and thinking. What am I going to do with my life? I have nothing, and no one but Adrian. And if I keep doing things that I do I might end up losing him too . . . But the rest of my thoughts were interrupted by someone’s shout.

“Yo! I know you hear me calling you! Yo! Yeah you, it ain’t nobody else out here for me to be calling like this!” A guy yelledfrom across the street, and from a quick glance, he was kind of cute. Dark brown skin, long braids, athletic build, and nice clothes. So I went over there.

“Yeah, what’s all the screaming about I know you wanted my attention but damn.” I said when I got over to him.

“Naw, it ain’t even like that. You acted like you wasn’t hearing me.I hope that wasn’t the case.” He replied.

“Well . . . lets cut the talk. Are you giving me your number or am I taking yours?” I asked impatiently.

“We can exchange or whatever. It really doesn’t matter to me, as long as I can get in touch with you. You are sure a pretty little thing.”

“Aint nothing little on me but my waist, so I hope thats what your referring to. But if you gimme your number I will give you mine and you can pick me up sometime.” I said with an added smile. I hated doing this but it worked. I liked the attention sometimes. . .

“Well, here’s my number. Put yours in my phone.”

“Alright.” I said as I did what he said and I walked away.

I really loved getting attention from anyone almost who I wanted the attention from. I know it might sound stupid but it’s how I feel. I only want attention from people who I feel can benefit me. I don’t want a broke down guy or a lesbian looking at me. They can’t do anything for me, not anything that I want. I am not gay, I have not desire to be. I don’t want an ugly guy with no money and a great personality. I don’t care about your personality right now, if ever.

From the outside looking in, I appear to be a messed up person. From the outside looking out, I’m broken, and I have no idea how to put myself back together. So many pieces are missing, so many don’t fit. I may find some as I continue through my life, a nightmare even to those who are dead. But if my life is this, when will I wake up. Things like this can’t go on forever.

In school I seem quiet and insecure, but in a way you can maybe say I’m shy. I don’t like a lot of attention in there. I don’t know why it’s just different.

“Amaya!” I heard someone yell. I turned around and saw Lamont running toward me. Could my life get any worse? I thought to myself. I kept walking though. I wish I knew what was his problem. I glanced at my watch and saw that school was still in session. After what felt like seconds he caught up to me and began to walk beside me.

“Do you and Adrian fight often?” He asked.

For a few seconds I didn’t answer him or even look at him. I just kept walking. He didn’t ask me again but I decided to answer him.

“No.”

“Then why did you get so mad at him?”

“Because, I don’t like it when he tries to tell me what to do. I know he cares about me but still . . .” I sighed. Why couldn’t Adrian understand?

“What you don’t want him to care?” He asked.

“No I do want him to care. But, he just doesn’t understand. There are some things that I have to do.” I explained.

“There is nothing that you have to do but to live and to die. There is nothing else mandatory of you. Those other things are what you want to do. Think about that. Sleep on it.” He said as he walked away.

And I just stood there, thinking about what he said. Why does this guy have to be so damn . . . him?