Just an Ordinary Man

When Jason Wittinger, the man who never grew up, finds out he has a teenage daughter, he learns that someone has to be the adult ‘round here!

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This story is meant to be a comedy – and it will be as it goes on, but this chapter is a bit loe on gags. Please give me a chance.

In the words of a famous poet – “this isn’t you average knock-about stuff, but it’s hardly clever.” This pretty much sums it up – there won’t be ‘hilarious’ random happenings (well, at least without some kind of back story) but hopefully this will be a comedy of character, and probably a lot of situation. Please have a read, and please leave a review - especially if you can come up with some constructive crit.

Ta loads – xandra the blue

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Prologue - No, I don’t have commitment issues.

In the summer of 2008 Jason Wittinger lay in bed, sheets knotted modestly around his body as he listened to his, he barely could speak the word, girlfriend, having a shower in the bathroom. He lay there, happily dazed, sunlight streaming in through thin curtain material, resting in the dirty cloth, smiling like an idiot.

That night the earth had well and truly moved. It had every night for the last two months. Jason Wittinger was blissfully happy and he knew it. He scratched his beard unconsciously with his fingernails and sighed. He would have to marry her – he knew it. Right now he wasn’t exactly rich, he had just left university with crippling debts, but hey, most people did and he’d come out of it with something well worth it – he was a fully qualified electrical communications engineer – he could do things with cyber space that could make your mind pop.

I can do things with Susan made her mind pop pretty well, he thought wirily, a dirty grin covering his face. Mily had talked him into it – she was one of those arts students you hear about, doing, of all things, philosophy. What a pointless subject – there were no answers and everything was anti-realist in the end. What the hell is the point of arguing over whether chairs existed, or were a shared archetype of chair-ness which we create mentally? It either exists or it doesn’t, and to be honest, why on earth would a higher, supposedly more important being, spend most of its time trying to convince us that chairs and rocks existed if they didn’t? Jason laughed to himself – yeah, Mily had tried to talk him into marrying Susan by this very argument – she’s pretty, she’s clever, she seems to like you and this is probably your only chance of getting a wife.

Mily, it had to be said, was a bit of a pessimist in regards to her brother, but for once he’d taken her thoughts into account and bought Susan a ring which meant that he wouldn’t be eating for another month. He flung his arm onto the bedside table and felt around for the box, finding it and knocking it onto the floor. Shit. He would have to get up…

Bugger that – he leaned out of the bed and tried to grab it. Damn, three inches away, he leaned further, stretching, sheets slipping off him, finding his torso slipping off the bed, but he was buggered if he was going to actually stand up. His fingers grasped at the ground, trying to reach the ring…nearly there…he felt himself slip out of bed, landing with a thump, lying on his front. Damn. He lay there for a moment, taking the box into his hand.

“Jason?”

Jason, now lying naked on the floor, staggered to his feet to look around, fell over the sheets, fell back down and then stood up again. Susan stood there with a towel around her. Her long, reddish brown hair hung around her shoulders gracefully, gently, like a classical statues, her fair skin glistening in the morning light, wet with water. He stared at her, short towel exposing her shapely strong thighs, her beautiful ankles, one with a tattoo of a Xenia diode on, her warm amber eyes and as her towel slipped down, part of her breasts. However, she didn’t smile, she looked serious and said, “We need to talk.”

“Okay…” Jason made a make-shift toga out of a bed sheet and said, “Look, I know I’ve got those commitment issues thing going on, but really, I don’t…” He held out box and said, “Will you marry me?”

Susan gasped, and sitting down on the bed took the box from him and had a look inside. “oh Jason…” she sighed.

“So, whatta think? I haven’t got any plans for the future, but we’ll probably have kids or something…”

“Jason, we’ve only been going out for two months…”

“Look, I know it’s quick, but hey, I think you’re right for me. I mean, we both hate “Breakfast at Tiffany’s” with a passion, and, and we went to that Lemon Jelly concert…”

“Jason, I’m sorry, I’m not ready for this…” she said, giving him back the box.

“What’re you saying? We can leave this a few months if you like.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t want to marry yet, “ she said, “I don’t think I can cope with this level of intimacy…”

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Seventeen years Later Jason was having an argument with his current Girlfriend Lizzie.

“…it’s just claustrophobic” said Jason, aged 38, to his girlfriend. They were sat in his living room where he was currently trying to complete ‘Tomb Raider seven, selling treasure for plastic surgery’.

Liz put away the tickets and said, “It’s the second time this month, Jason, It’s just a fucking concert, it’s not like I’m asking you to move in with me or anything!” spat Liz, “I thought you liked ‘Alpha sound’ anyway?”

“We’re just moving too fast for the moment.” He said, killing a giant mouse spider with a rocket launcher.

“We’ve been going out for six months! I’ve given you head, you can’t get any closer than that!” sheexclaimed, “Look, I just can’t take you right now! I’m going to leave before I hurt you with a rudimentary knife made of eye shadow packaging!” to prove her point she took out her eye shadow, to prove how with one snap she could turn it into a deadly weapon, “now, when you get over your issues, just call me, or is that too much of a commitment?!”

“Don’t be silly!” Said Jason as she stormed out of the door. As the door slammed he said, “That’s not commitment, that’s just being possessive.”

He went back to his game for a moment and thought, bloody hell, did I just turn down tickets for a concert because she was expecting some kind of commitment out of me?

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Thanks for reading. I do promise more, and hopefully better gags later. I’ll update soon, so keep an eye out!

Again thanks. : D

UPDATE! - I decided that in the light of a few comments from Homey that I shold update this with a few changes about moving around. Yes, It was a bit confusing and would only really work on film - so I hope it makes it a bit clearer as far as jumping around goes. As far a comma's goes...well, I really need a beta. Dyslexic here (I really should stop using this as an excuse) so thanks Homey for reviewing!