My Oscar Winning Life

Ordinary hurts my dear…and I know it now

Cold. Harsh, murderous feeling of you...slipping. Slipping. Sliding…Falling. Don’t go. Not yet. Not until the moon cries once again. Not until the sun gleams glory again. Just one day. One…day. Tell me love, why is reality so malignant? It’s not right is it?

I’m growing old…and I’m getting tired of the same sob story. I’m growing restless of the leave me on the train-stop story. Of the sweet tang of your cologne….of the unholy, plump lipped kisses…you left behind. Do we have to go back to the Nobel Prize novels; to the academy award winning, bleak movie? I miss that touch. That caress…The way your hands would play me. The musician and his violin. We were a nice memory, but somewhere along the way we became cliché.

No one’s perfect though. Life is the unraveling scenes of a movie. It’s familiar and its commonplace. Oh well. So if I remember the script correctly…you won’t be coming back? No matter how many beautiful, withering words I let ebb out of me…No matter how I form these sentences it won’t suffice. Directors really need to straighten out their priorities. I can use the biggest words in the dictionary but in a tragic, love story those things don’t matter.

So you’re slipping and I’m crying. It’s just the way everything is written out. Life is boring. Except…unlike the movies and books – this really hurts. This isn’t the read your lines kind of thing. This is pain. Molten lava searing off the skin till the muscle is visible kind of pain. Oh…there I go again, with my glossed up phrases and all. I want to laugh…at how predictable this all is but it hurts too much. I never liked being ordinary, but ordinary hurts…and I didn’t know that till now.

What’s next? Will it start pouring outside? Or will I break down and consider suicide? Isn’t that what’s suppose to happen. I hope they don’t make a movie out of our lives. It’d be an Oscar winner but it would still be dull. Maybe I should stop eating…and slowly torment myself just to put a twist to it. Finish it with a big bang. You know what? There was one thing…we missed. You never said ‘I love you’ and I never got angry that you didn’t. Well at least that’s different.

All this digging into my mind is starting to hurt. You always did say I look into things too much. Perfect…now I’m remembering what you use to say – How expected of me. I guess I’ll just move on now. As much as it’s tearing at the cords connected to my heart. Moving on is the best thing to do…Otherwise…this really would be like an HBO movie. I’ll keep going. I’ll force myself to forget…soon….Soon. Just…not yet is all. I’ll dwell on the past like I’m not supposed to…just a bit longer. It’ll be alright…It’s not like you’re coming back anyways…That would just ruin the whole concept of the movie, wouldn’t it? I’ll get up…once my legs start working…I’ll get up…I know I will. Someday. Soon.