I’m sitting in the bathtub that night, my eyes wet and my bare skin dampened to the point where I can no longer pinpoint something and say, “Here is where the tears stop and the bathwater starts.” I lean back in the warm sudsy water, shutting my eyes.

I’d woken up on my bed, hot and sticky and full of regret for the way I’d acted. But, of course, Shawn wasn’t there. He’d been gone since he went invisible in front of me hours before. I had stepped out of my clothes, picked up my pajamas, and went into the restroom, determined that all I needed was a good, warm bath, and then I could write an apology letter.

As I feel my eyes flutter on my cheeks, the sign I’m about to fall asleep, something creates a disturbance in the water, dipping in and cradling me in it. My eyes remain closed; I feel it must be sleep coming to take me. It lifts me out of the water, cuddles me against its chest, dries the tears and the water from all over me and sits me down on top of the turned-down toilet seat. I open my eyes.

Shawn stands above me, a hand on each of my shoulders, and a soft, loving grin on his face.

“I’m so sorry, baby.” He says in a hushed whisper. I burst into tears again, confused and dazed. He takes the towel from the countertop beside the sink, and wordlessly kneels before the porcelain throne, first drying my feet, then up to my kneecaps, up to my waist, my stomach, chest, neck and then each arm. I risked a small smile, as it tickled me, and he spread his fingers wide, running them through my hair and separating each strand of hair, eliminating any leftover signs of vomit from the pieces of hair that hung over my eyes normally.

Shawn scoops up my underpants and beckons for me to stand up and step into them, so I do. He then grabs my pajama pants and does the same before tugging my shirt over me and helping me fumble with the button-down front. He picks my brush up from the floor where I’d discarded it and tease sit through my hair, leaving it soft and silky. I feel so good now, like a warm light has enveloped me.

He picks me up and carries me into my bedroom, peeling back the covers and placing me in. He vaults over me, eliciting a small giggle from me, and tucks himself in beside me, turning over on his side to look at me.

“Daddy…” I manage, my mouth dry and my body warm.

“Nicole, baby…” he says back, pressing me into his chest and uncovering himself, peeling back the comforter to expose his Indian-style legs. I crawl across the sheets to where he is, and rest my head in his lap, spreading out over the foot of the bed. I can feel Shawn’s hands stroking my hair, and I feel so loved and overcome with joy that a few tears spring from my eyes.

“Don’t cry, darling,” he murmurs, feeling the hot tears prick his legs. He lifts me up, pulling me forward and settling my head on his shoulder before gathering the rest of me up in his lap as a mother would do to her two year old. For some reason, I fit, and it feels so good. Shawn slowly begins to rock back and forth, as regular as the tide, and taking me with him. He’s never done this before, and it feels like something I’ve been missing all my life. “I’ve been here all along…just waiting it out, not wanting to punish you all of the way.” I nod into his shoulder, feeling my eyelids waver. He gets me out of his lap, putting me back under the covers and going back to his side himself.

“I would never hurt you on purpose,” He says matter-of-factly, reaching out to my eyelids and slowly shutting each tremulous one with his fingers. “I love you too much. We’ll discuss it when we’re both ready.” I nuzzle up to where he is, trying to make him know how loved he is, even though I’m the younger party and I can only do so much good for him.

“I thought you were going to war.” I say thickly, stroking his arm with my cold little pale hand.

“I was,” he says quietly. “before I got sent back. They didn’t need me after all.” I feel flooded with relief, like I’ve been hit with a big tidal wave.

“I love you so much, daddy.” I say, and he nods; I can feel his nod, though I can’t see it.

“I love you too, my sweetest baby.” He says. I burrow into his side, shutting my eyes and wondering if love can transfer through osmosis.

Everything can be all right again .. all right.