I know that feeling. It was that ache right between the heart and the stomach. The nervousness for something that there’s no reason to be nervous about. It’s when, you expect something to happen, and it doesn’t. When you are not exactly excited about something to come, but just very pleasant, and then it doesn’t happen. Yeah, I know that feeling. I’ve felt it before, and it hurts a lot, especially when friends are involved.

It’s even worse when you’re in love.

Mostly, there’s the sense of loss, but it almost feels like it’s not a big enough loss to matter, which only makes things more confusing. Then, there’s self-pity, which sweeps over you like a subtle (not to mention, cliché) tidal wave. And both of these together make you feel stupid because, why do you care so much about something so little, and why does it matter that you do?

Chances are, though, that you barely take this in at the time. You just go on with your life, feeling happy as you normally would, only…something nags at you. It’s starts out in the back of your head, but slowly moves forward until it’s at the very front. You don’t even grasp how far to the front it is until your mother or sibling nudges you and you realize you’ve been staring into space for the past five minutes looking rather dismal.

I know that feeling, and I hate to think I may have caused it. I could feel it; I could feel the way that he was feeling. It wasn’t real displeasure in a very big way, not any real pain. I knew he wouldn’t probably even bring it up unless we were alone, which we seldom were anymore. I didn’t think I’d hurt him I was just…a disappointment.

What a horrible feeling.