"Joshua, come on," Derrick yelled. "We're going to be late," he said in an irritated voice. It was their friend’s Jarret and Van's engagement party. It's not like he actually wanted to go, it was the fact that, if he was going to go, he didn't want to be late. It just so happens that a certain blond room mate of his was making them late to a party he didn't even want to go to in the first place. This, of course, made the platinum blond even more irritated.

"I'm coming," was the response he got. Derrick drummed his fingers on the kitchen counter, waiting for Joshua to get out of the room.

'What the hell is he doing in there?' Derrick asked him self. Joshua Had been in his room for a little over a half-hour. 'Joshua never takes that long to get dressed,' Derrick thought. Just as he was about to yell again, Joshua came out of the room. The site before him took Derrick's breath away. Joshua's hair was sleeked back against his head, and ... was that eye liner under his eyes? He wore a white T-shirt with a navy blue dress shirt over it with the sleeves a little passed his wrist. He was wearing black dress pants over nice, and expensive looking, dress shoes.

"Like?" Joshua said with a smirk.

"I think that you look ridiculous." Derrick said and turned to the door. "We're already late as it is." He didn't notice the disappointment and pain etched into Joshua's beautiful face.

'Don't you know, I did this for you,' Joshua thought as he followed the other man to the car. 'If only you knew...'

xXx

"Well, it's about time you two showed up," Jarret said with a smile as the two entered the house. He didn't care that they were late, he just knew that saying that would piss Derrick off. Which it did.

"Better late then never," Van said to stop a fight. Even after all these years, Jarret and Derrick fought like children.

"Keh," Derrick said and walked away to a table and sat down. Joshua following his every movement.

"What's with him?" Jarret asked.

"Couldn't say," Joshua said and looked away from Derrick. Van looked at the blond intently. Something was wrong with him. Van looked at Jarret, who took the hint and walked off, in the direction of Derrick.

"Joshua, are you all right?" Van asked.

"I'm fine," Joshua replied. Van just nodded, a sign that he knew the blond was lying.

"Fallow me," he said and led Joshua and him to the balcony. When they was out or ear shot of any one, Van spoke.

"Did you tell him?" he asked the man next to him.

"No," was Joshua's answer.

"You've known and lived with the man nearly half your life, and yet you still refuse to tell him?" Van said bitterly. Perhaps it was a little too bitter, but Van didn't care any more, it was unhealthy to keep emotions locked away for so long. "Just tell him you love him."

"I can't," Joshua said in a whisper, not looking at the man before him. "He doesn't love me, he cares for me, but doesn't love me. I'd rather it be that way, then ruin ten years of friendship."

"Joshua," Van said and continued only after his friend looked at him. "You are a coward," Van finished and walked away. It was short and simple. And It was the only thing that could describe the blond, except, of course, the words 'lonely', 'bitter', and 'broken'. Joshua just turned to look over the third story balcony.

'How easy it would be to just jump...?' Joshua thought to himself.

xXx

Three hours later, Joshua was still thinking the same question; with quite a few drinks in him. That was the way Derrick found him.

"Joshua, come on. It's time to go home," Derrick said quietly, even though he was annoyed. It was beautiful and quiet on the balcony, with the stars shining and the full moon kissing the sky. It was a site that demanded silence.

"Isn't it beautiful?" Joshua said, not looking at the man behind him. The man who the was object of his obsession. When Derrick didn't answer him, he continued. "Isn't it beautiful how the moon seems to be kissing the sky, almost as if it's kissing it goodnight and wrapping a blanket of stars around the world."

"Joshua, how may drinks did you have" Derrick asked the man, who had a bottle of something in his hand.

"A lot," was Joshua's answer.

"It's time to go home," Derrick said.

"'Have you ever loved somebody so much it makes you cry? Have you ever needed something so bad you can't sleep at night? Have you tried to find the words, but they don't come out right?'" Joshua started singing.

"What?" Derrick asked.

"It's a song I heard. It seems to fit perfectly," Joshua said bitterly and threw the empty bottle over the balcony. He smiled in satisfaction as it crashed and shattered all over the pavement three stories down.

"Joshua, stop it! You're talking in riddles," Derrick said. Truth be told, Joshua was scaring him. "It's time to go home," he finished more quietly. Joshua laughed, it was a bitter, empty laugh.

"Derrick, don't you see?" he said and finally turned to look at him. Derrick took a few steps back. Joshua's smirk, along with the moon light reflecting on his face, was terrifying.

"See what?" Derrick had no idea what the other man was talking about. "You're drunk Joshua. Let's go home and you can rest, then we can talk tomorrow," Derrick tried to reason with him.

"You don't, do you," Joshua sighed. He looked at the moon then back at Derrick. "You wanna' know what's funny?" Joshua said. "Love and hate are on different sides of the spectrum, yet, they're so much a like. You can love someone with so much passion, and yet at the same time, hate them with just as much passion. It was something I never really understood until recently. I used to think that if you loved someone, you could never hate them. But how wrong I was.

"Joshua, what the hall are you talking about?" Derrick nearly yelled.

"I love you Derrick," he said, "and I hate you." Joshua whispered and sat on the ledge of the balcony. Derrick was dumb stricken, all this time Joshua loved him. He knew the man in front of him cared for him, but did the feelings really run that deep? Was Joshua really that drunk? Did he, Derrick, love Joshua back, if that's what the blond truly meant?

The answer was simple.

"You have nothing to say?" Joshua interrupted Derrick's thoughts.

"I'm sorry," Derrick looked away from Joshua. The blond wasn't in the right state of mind for an answer.

"I've waited ten years to say that, and all you have to say is , 'I'm sorry'," Joshua said bitterly. Derrick still didn't look at him. Joshua laughed again. "It's all right, I knew you didn't love me." He looked over the balcony again at the broken glass.

"Listen Joshua-" Derrick was interrupted by the blond.

"It's all right, you don't have to explain," Joshua said sadly and stood on the balcony railing. "It's going to end soon."

"Wait, Joshua," Derrick said and started running over to the other man. Was he really going to jump? No, Joshua would never do anything that cowardly, would he? Derrick wasn't too sure as Joshua started walking on the railing.

"I'm going to make it end," Joshua said. Derrick didn't know if he was talking to himself or talking to him. "No more pain, no more suffering, it will all be over."

"Stop Joshua. Get down, you might fall," Derrick said as he still ran the short distant to the edge. Joshua stopped walking on the ledge and looked at Derrick with so much pain and despair, with so much hate and love, that it made the platinum blond stop in his tracks.

"But that's the point," Joshua said bluntly.

Time had agonizingly slowed.

Derrick sprinted and Joshua fell backwards and meeting nothing but air. Derrick reached him, but to only graze the other man's shirt.

Derrick watched in horror as Joshua descended to the black pavement below, fallowed by Derrick's tears. Tears that glittered in the in the moonlight, making them glow a surreal white.

Time picked up again as Joshua's body hit the ground.

Killing him instantly.

Derrick couldn't tare his gaze away from the corps of the man he loved. His arm was still outstretched as the moon lit tears drew freely from his eyes.

Joshua was dead.

The man he tried to hide his love from for the passed ten years was dead. The only person to ever get close to his heart was dead. The only person he wanted in the world was dead.

Joshua was dead.

Derrick screamed.

It was a scream that could shatter the world.

It was a scream that could tare the soul of a person.

It was a scream that could break the hearts of all who heard it.