One Good Man

A/N: I don't own Green Eggs and Ham, which this is parodied from. Dr. Seuss does.

Him

I'm a man.

I'm a man.

One Good Man.

Me

That one good man

That one good man

I do not like

That One Good Man.

Him

Are you seeking

A nice man?

Me

I do not date men,

One Good Man

I think I am

A lesbian

Him

Would you date me

Here or there?

Me

I would not date you

Here or there.

I would not date you

Anywhere.

I do not want

To date a man.

I think I am

A lesbian.

Him

Would you want me

At your house?

Would you take me

As your spouse?

Me

I do not want you

At my house

I would not take you

As my spouse

I would not date you

Here or there

I would not date you

Anywhere

I do not want to date a man

I think I am a lesbian

Him

Would you kiss me in the hall?

Does that interest you at all?

Me

Not in the hall.

Not at all.

Not at my house.

Not as my spouse.

I would not date you here or there.

I would not date you anywhere.

I do not want to date a man.

I think I am a lesbian.

Him

Would you? Could you?

At the pool?

Those shirtless guys might make you drool.

Me

I would not,

Could not,

At the pool.

Him

You could sit with me, in a tree

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

Me

I would not, could not, in a tree,

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

I do not want you at the pool.

Shirtless guys can't make me drool.

I will not kiss you in the hall.

It does not interest me at all.

I do not want you at my house.

I do not want you as my spouse.

I would not date you here or there.

I would not date you anywhere.

I do not want to date a man.

I think I am a lesbian.

Him

A brain! A brain!

A brain! A brain!

Could you, if I only

Had a brain?

Me

Not with a brain! Not in a tree!

Not in the hall! Let me be!

I would not kiss you in the hall.

It does not interest me at all.

I do not want you as my spouse.

I do not want you at my house.

I would not date you here or there.

I would not date you anywhere.

I do not want to date a man.

I think I am a lesbian.

Him

Hey!

Have you tried being straight?

Would you, could you, just be straight?

Me

I would not, could not

Just be straight.

Him

Would you, could you,

In the rain?

Me

I would not, could not, in the rain!

I can't be straight; you have no brain.

Not at the pool. Not in a tree.

I do not want a man, you see.

Not at my house. Not in the hall.

Not as my spouse. Not at all.

I will not date you here or there.

I will not date you anywhere!

Him

You would not like

To date a man?

Me

I do not date them

One good man.

Him

Could you, would you,

Just be bi?

Me

I would not,

Could not,

Live a lie!

Him

Would you, could you

Give it a try?

Me

I'd have to do much more than try.

I would not, could not, just be bi.

I would not, could not, in the rain.

Even if you had a brain.

I couldn't be straight! Not in a tree!

Not at the pool, what don't you see?

I will not kiss you in the hall.

It doesn't interest me at all.

I do not want you at my house.

I do not need you as my spouse.

I will not date you here or there.

I will not date you ANYWHERE!

I would not like

To date

A man!

I do not want to date a man,

I think I am a lesbian!

Him

You do not like them.

So you say.

Date one! Date one!

And you may.

Date one and you may, I say.

Me

Perhaps I shall.

You will see.

But first you must

Do something for me.

First you try being gay, I say.

One Good Man.

If you do this for me,

I will date you

You will see.

(1 month later)

Him

Say!

Maybe I should date a man!

Maybe I need one good man!

See, I would give him a try!

Whether he was gay or bi…

I would kiss him in the rain!

I am not straight. I used my brain.

…And at the pool. And in a tree.

They are so cute, so cute, you see!

So I will kiss them in the hall!

Heck, I think I like them all!

And I will take them to my house!

And ask them all to be my spouse!

And I will date them here or there.

Say! I will date them ANYWHERE!

Me

I respect your choice

Great plan

You can have them,

One Good Man.

Because I am a lesbian.