“This Nauseating Façade”

Karmi

It was the day before my senior year would start and I was on my bed staring blankly at my white ceiling. I had spent that entire week after James and I broke up regretting everything-- Brek, what I did, what James had done, all the yelling and accusing that took place that dreadful day, and for ever loving the bastard. Sure, what I had done was wrong, but what James had done was even worse. Not only was he sucking faces with another girl behind my back, but he also had the nerve to make me cry and feel so horrible for flirting with Brek. At least I never kissed him or touched him affectionately. At least I felt guilty for what I had done.

My eyes filled with tears again as I thought about how much I hated James. I wanted to love him forever but those dreams had evolved into the complete opposite. Now I wanted to hate him forever. Of course, I wasn’t going to turn into some grudge bearing stalker lunatic. Instead, I planned to express my hatred for him by achieving the valedictorian spot for our graduating senior class-- one thing that I knew he would die to pull off.

I heard a knock at my door and my mom’s voice gently calling my name. I hastily wiped the tears from my face and hurried to open the door. I knew that I still looked like I had been crying. Blood shot eyes couldn’t just be wiped away and neither could trembling frowns. That was what I was going for.

For an entire week, I had been putting up this nauseating façade (figuratively speaking, of course) around my parents. I plastered smiles on my face and tried my best to cheerfully participate in our dinner discussions-- all the while being completely miserable and depressed. I hadn’t told them that James and I weren’t together anymore-- that I hated him. How could I? They loved him and mentioned the word “marriage” whenever I talked about him. They would be devastated to know that he had cheated on me. They wouldn’t care if I had cheated on James. They were too overprotective of me and would only think of how he had hurt me rather than how I had hurt him. My dad would kill James and I couldn’t let that happen (even if it hadn’t sounded like a bad idea at the time). I couldn’t let James’s and my own actions hurt my innocent, loving parents. I loved them too much to let anyone hurt them.

However, I had debated with my own thoughts that entire day and it was already six at night. I needed to tell my parents. They had a right to know what was going on in my life.

I faced my mom in my bedroom doorway and let my appearance do the talking.

“Have you been crying?” she asked worriedly as she looked me over. “What happened, sweetie?”

I walked to my bed and sat down. My mom and I sat quietly for a moment before I found the courage to just tell her everything-- I mean everything. Every ghastly word that James and I had said to each other after discovering what the other had done during my family’s summer vacation. Then I faced her and, surprisingly, she looked calm.

Suddenly, I felt tears well in my eyes again and overflow down my face. “I hate him, mom. I hate him.”

She pulled me to her and allowed me to cry on her white Gucci collared blouse. “I know, sweetie,” my mom kept repeating as she patted my back softly and wiped my tears away. Then, with a compassionate voice, she said that she would understand if I didn’t go to mass that morning since James and a lot of other people from my school would be there. I gave her a huge, grateful hug before she left and then sank underneath my covers again.

I knew that my mom would tell my dad and the entire school would find out that James and I weren’t together anymore the following day when school started, but I refused to let the glory and popularity that came with being dating James ruin my senior year. I would make him sorry for ever hurting me.

-----

James

I looked at my alarm clock. 9:05. My mom was listening to her new 50-CD surround sound stereo downstairs. My room was on the second floor and I could still hear the music playing. Look at the stars, look how they shine for you and everything you do. Yeah, they were all yellow. Yellow. Suddenly, I hated Coldplay, my mom’s favorite band. Yellow had been Karmi’s favorite color and the damn song reminded me of her.

I made a long noise that sounded like a mixture between a groan and a sigh. I had spent the entire week after we broke up thinking about her from the moment I woke up until the second sleep graciously claimed me. I hated the fact that we had been so disloyal to each other and that I had screamed so much at her. Why couldn’t I just apologize for what I had done? She did. I hated myself for being such an arrogant coward.

My parents had no idea that Karmi and I weren’t together anymore. It wasn’t their fault that they didn’t know since I had avoided everyone since breaking up with her. Hell, I was going into a deep hole of depression. I hadn’t opened my blinds or gone outside for an entire week.

“James?” my mom said as she poked her head into my bedroom.

I pulled my covers over my head.

“James, sweetie, I know there’s something wrong with you,” she continued. “What happened?”

I stared at her. Why couldn’t she just leave me alone? She always felt like she needed to be informed of every single thing in my life.

“Mom, I’m fine,” I lied. “I’m just trying to get as much sleep as I can before school starts tomorrow, okay?”

“Well, we need to go to church, James,” she said. “Your father wants you downstairs in ten minutes and ready to go.”

I kept quiet until I heard her close my door and her footsteps had receded. There was no way I was going to church. The majority of the senior class went to our church. Karmi went to our church.

After ten minutes, my dad stormed inside my bedroom and pulled the covers off of me.

“James,” he bellowed, “get changed for church now or I’m dragging you down there in your boxers.”

I reluctantly stood up and walked sulkily to the bathroom. I loved my dad and I respected him, so that meant that I did everything he told me to do-- including attending church.

We arrived at St. Phillip church ten minutes before mass was supposed to begin. I stepped out of my father’s maroon Porsche Cayenne dressed in a powder blue Polo shirt, khakis, and loafers. My blonde hair was neatly combed to the side and I looked neat. I felt shitty.

I left my parents who started to chat with the other churchgoers and stood underneath a big oak tree beside the church entrance. I crossed my arms and searched the crowd of people for Karmi. I saw a couple of my football buddies talking to a few girls but I couldn’t find her. Eventually, mass started and I saw Karmi’s family enter the church without her. I found my parents and walked inside trying not to get within calling distance of people from my school.

After the hour long mass, I sped out of the church to our car thinking that I had made a clean getaway. Unfortunately, a voice was calling my name from a few feet behind me.

I turned around and saw Chase, my best friend and a couple other guys from the team.

“Hey, man,” Chase greeted me as we did our special handshake. “Where’ve you been? I haven’t seen you all week-- and where’s your girl?”

“I’ve been sleeping in,” I shrugged trying not to address the question about Karmi.

“Yeah,” Chase agreed. “I’ve been sleeping for at least fifteen hours every day during vacation. So, where’s Karmi? I saw her parents but she wasn’t with them. Do you know where she is? I have to ask her something about tennis.”

“You’re joining the tennis team?” I laughed, working around the subject of Karmi again.

“Yeah, you know, I’m pretty good with whacking balls,” Chase laughed.

I couldn’t help but laugh at his bawdy sense of humor.

Thankfully, my parents arrived at the Cayenne and I was able to tell Chase I had to go before he could ask anything else about Karmi. Unfortunately, I knew that the entire school would eventually figure out that we weren’t together once school started. Then my life would be over. It had been a glorious year last year when Karmi and I were dating. We clicked and the entire school had supported our relationship. Now that we were over, I knew that it would all be over-- all the attention and admiration we had received. It would all be gone once school started the next day. However, that wasn’t what really worried me. I was mostly afraid of how awkward things would be when Karmi and I were forced to face each other on campus. That was what had given me nightmares.

Author's Note: Thanks to my reviewers! I hope this chapter has provided some beginning information of James and Karmi's personalities and lives even if it wasn't that much. I'm going to start the bitter hatred betweent the two in the next chapter and hopefully give more background information. I'm trying to reveal more details about they're breakup as the story progresses so don't get hasty. (jk) :P Please continue to read and review this story!