It's been six months

And you still haunt my mind

I try not to think of you

But it's like a battle

And I never win

You're always on my mind

Even when I don't want you to be

When will you stop haunting me

When will I stop crying out for you

When will I stop wishing it had been me

So you could live your life

Like you deserved

I still find myself

In my bathroom

Lying on the floor

A razorblade

Or knife

In my hand

Ready to join you

But I'm still here

And you're still gone

I still miss you

Your laugh

Your smile

Your voice

Everything about you

My eyes still fill with tears

When I think of what we had

Because I can't say

What we have

Since you're gone

I still get on my computer

Hoping you'll be on

Or that I'll have an email from you

Waiting to be opened

My life feels empty

Because you're no longer in it

I still miss you

So much it hurts

I needed you here

So I could have someone to cry to

Someone to keep me here

You held me

Kept me from falling into

Death's waiting arms

But now you're in those arms

I couldn't save you

So now I'm stuck missing you

I know that won't ever stop

And I'm okay with that

BEcause even though I don't have you

The memories that remain

Keep me going on

I only have these memories

Our late night phone calls

Fighting over who loved who more

The conversations online

My never-ending worrying about you

I feel as if I wasn't enough

As if my love wasn't enough

To make God let you stay

I know you're in a better place

But I still miss you

And I know I will always miss you

You will always be my first love

And I will continue to miss you

Until my last breath