My name is Elizabeth Johnson and I was born June 30, 1979 in a small town ironically called Hope. My parents were young and I grew up with one older brother named Michael. Michael is two years older than I am and he takes his big brother role very seriously. I haven’t dated anyone that’s ever been good enough for me. My dad walked out on us when I was two years old and hasn’t looked back since. My mom and I are close but my best friend is the boy next door. Jay Berger is three days older than me and filled to the brim with trouble. His mom and my mom are really close friends who work at the factory together. His dad was in jail, but when we were younger we didn’t know that. His mom’s always afraid he’s going to turn out just like his father, but she’s done nothing to stop it.

I’ve been cleaning Jay’s messes up since middle school. Back then it was just covering for him at home and letting him copy my homework. Now that he’s grown up, he has grown up problems. This week her name is Amy Marks and she just doesn’t get the hint. I’ve been fielding phone calls from her for three days and I have to say that she’s either really in denial or dumb as a box of rocks because yesterday I told her he was in the shower four times.

Amy is just the latest in a long list of girls I’ve had to get rid of. I used to feel sorry for them, but that ended after high school. When you live in a town as small as ours, which by the way has less than two thousand people in it, you learn who to avoid if you don’t want your heart broken. There isn’t a girl that goes out with him that doesn’t know the score ahead of time, but they all try to change him. And they all leave with their hearts broken, expecting sympathy from me. Lately I’ve been pretty annoyed. And the thing is that he’s honest with them. He’s very upfront when telling them he doesn’t want a relationship. Girls are stupid.

Of course Jay isn’t my only best friend. Sure he’s a lot of fun, but I gotta have someone I can bitch about my period with. Her name is Mary Beth Pastorelli, and the great thing about her is that she got Jay out of her system before we even became friends. You see, the problem with having a best friend as charming, ultra cool, and super sexy as Jay is that you’re hardly ever sure who your real friends are. I learned very quickly not to trust most girls. They want you to have a sleepover and then stare dreamily at his trailer all night long, Ugh.

That’s right I said trailer. At this time Jay and I both still live with our moms in the same trailer court we grew up in. Well technically he lives with his brother too. His brother Steven is the same age as my brother, although they’re polar opposites. My brother got through school with great grades and all kinds of sports and activities, while Steve spent a lot of time sitting in his friend’s basements smoking pot and drinking beer. While my brother works as a copy editor for a big newspaper in the city, Steven sells drugs and buys beer for kids. A super role model.

I’m currently wasting my life working in one of the two convenience stores in town. I got to community college part time, but it’s kind of a waste of money because I don’t know what I want to do. Jay works at the sawmill. Mary Beth works as a secretary at the doctor’s office. She’s got the best job for knowing other peoples business, and in a town like ours that means something. Not that I don’t have it pretty good myself. You can tell a lot about a person by what they pay the big bucks for. The only thing cheap at our convenience store is gas and cigarettes. Anyway, I drive a beat up old VW Rabbit that Jay’s always working on. He drives up a pickup truck that’s in pretty good condition, but that’s because he babies it. Mary Beth’s parents bought her a new toyota for graduation so that’s usually what we drive around in if we’re all going to go somewhere.

My mom never remarried. She hardly ever dates. It’s so sad, I think she thinks that my dad was the love of her life and she’s just never gotten over him. It breaks my heart, to tell you the truth. I haven’t even really thought about him in a very long time. You just don’t dump your children. You can dump a wife, sure, but you shouldn’t ever dump your kids. Well, screw him anyway. Jay’s mom, Virginia has been married a lot. I was in two of her weddings. Jay and I were the ring bearer and the flower girl twice. My mom was the maid of honor both times. The last time she got married was by the justice of the peace and there was no real ceremony. Jay and I didn’t even show up for that one. She’s been divorced for three years and she swears that she’s not going to get married again. I don’t know about that, but I believe Jay when he says he won’t go to another ceremony no matter who she’s marrying. I really don’t blame him, but I know that he’s just going to break her heart. Anyway, Mary Beth’s parents are still married, and they actually love each other. It’s kind of refreshing.

Mary Beth is a great deal more fortunate than Jay and I. Not only does she live in an actual house, but her mom’s a fantastic cook. Her birthday is three days after mine, which I think is pretty cool. The fact that our birthdays are so close just keeps us closer. I mean, how many girls have two best friends birthdays within a week of each hers. Anyway, there are rumors that her dad’s in the mafia, but that’s only because he’s Italian. Her parents run a pretty successful restaurant in town, but Mary Beth and I aren’t allowed to work there anymore. We worked there in high school and dropped more plates than our paychecks allowed for. Jay’s the one who’d be a great waiter. He’s got that charm that makes the old ladies get out their change purses, but in our town there’s no such thing as a waiter.

This is not the beginning of our story, but it’s the beginning of this story. This is the story of being stuck at 25. This is the story about being scared that you’ll wake up like your mom, stuck in a damn trailer all your life. This is about making it, or never making it. It’s about being on the fringe of the rest of your life. This is not knowing where you’re going and being absolutely terrified.