Prologue

The alarm clock pierced my eardrums as the shrill sound reverberated through the bare room. I squeezed my eyes shut in a desperate attempt to dismiss the coming day with its unpredictability and lucky escapes for everyone apart from me. The sun roamed through the dreary thick blinds and I suddenly became aware of the stifling heat eating away at my pale skin. A sigh escaped my mouth as dread engulfed every part of my being - who knew what tragedies, disappointments and catastrophes today would hold?

I climbed sleepily from the warm comfort of my bed and staggered towards the mirror. The bare floorboards were rough on my feet and, despite the warmth pouring through the window, a calming chill hung in the air. The emptiness of the room surrounded me and I made a mental note to buy some more furnishings; the blank cream walls and exposed floor reflected my own vacant expression and unenthusiastic movements, the similarity was becoming unnerving. It seemed that over the past few months my life had gradually become devoid of anything other than tears and despair.

I have tried to explain my lack of motivation, hopless disinterest in everything and nothing and unexplainable tears that fall mercilessly from my bottle green eyes at the oddest times; times when usually I would have partook in something produtive were now filled with mindless crying and thoughtless staring into space. How do you tell someone something like that and hope that they provide answers, that they solve a problem that you see no light ofa solution to? My worldwas spinning into oblivion and nothing, nothing made sense anymore.

I stared into the mirror before me; my emerald eyes stared blandly back at me and my body that was too gangling, limbs out of proportion to other limbs, legs too long and arms flailing toward the ground sported long ebony hair that made my skin look a ghostly white. I gawped into the glass into the eyes that held a sadness that ran deeper than my soul, a miserable undercurrent that shadowed any beauty I had held before. Dark circles ringed my wounded eyes, made more dramatic due to the ashen colour of my skin which also tinted my lips a bloody scarlet.

One day I would be beautiful, I promised myself, one day someone will find this grotesque excuse for a body remotely attractive. Another sigh escaped, deeper than before and more full of despondency. The ghostly figure surveyed my desperation with a haunted stare as a smirk edged its snide way across her plain face. Anger flushed my cheeks a crimson red and hatred twisted my features into an unrecognisable horror. When in a state like that I even scared myself; I was becoming disorderly and erratic, unsure of where I was headed from one moment to the next. You are always supposed to have control over yourself if absolutely nothing else, and I was losingmore control every minute.

I pulled my arm back and smashed my clenched fist into the relfection. She would not be bothering me again. The glass shattered under the pressure and chinked the floor as the shards zoomed perilously, as though on a mission of destruction, around the room. Relief swamped me; the pain that shot through my body easing the torment I felt if only for a moment. I smiled; perhaps today would not be as bad as I had originally thought. I took a deep, tentative breath and attempted a bold gaze into my now distorted reflection. On failing, I turned toward the bedroom door and stepped into the progressing day.

It was time to start translating Lila.