Without A Word

The rain belted down. I stood by the graveside, silent, alone. My hair hung limp, water dripped from my face, rolling down my neck and inside my raincoat. I could have been crying, but I’ll tell you now, I wasn’t. Tears don’t come easy anymore; not since she was taken away. Two months and I still haven’t shed any, two long months I’ve spent standing here, hoping for an end to it all.

You left me without a word, silently slipping away in the dark of the night.

Waiting was futile so I left, trudging with my head down, back to the car. I slid into the front seat and shook the rain from my hair. I sat back resting my head against the headrest and stared blankly at the ceiling, listening to the rain patter against the body of the car.

The minutes passed by. I sat there lost in thought, the rain keeping me company; more soothing than the tempests that raged in my mind. I sighed, life must move on. I turned the key in the ignition. The rain striking the road caught the pale yellow beams of the headlights and danced relentlessly along the hard surface. I drove home.

I passed the evening in front of the television, a glass of wine in my hand, the bottle close by. As the bottle emptied the night blurred into a confusion of news flashes, weather reports and scrolling infobars. I grew drowsy. The glass in my hand slipped through my limp grip and fell to the floor. I left it there, preferring to leave my anaesthetised state intact. Sometime after ten I nodded off.

The dreams came again. Vague, almost imperceptive as always. The voices droned in the background, sometimes soft, other times exploding violently. The shadows lurked again; the discreet, inhuman forms that had haunted my dreams for two months. They hung back threateningly, growling like engines. A screech of brakes brought me back to consciousness.

I woke up on the sofa, my head lying awkwardly against the back. The room was eerily silent against the drone of the business report. I closed my eyes again, the screech of the brakes still in my head, tormenting me every time sleep drew near. Jerking me awake each time, denying me the oblivion my soul demanded. The sleepless night ended with the dim beep of the alarmclock in my bedroom.

I went into the bathroom and stood beneath the cold stream of the shower, trying to wash the grogginess away. My head spun from the wine and my neck ached from my awkward sleeping position. A blanket of depression settled over me again, a lead weight dropped in my stomach. As I shaved I caught the reflection of my eyes in the mirror, they were hollow, haunted, almost…scared. I dressed and went to work.

The day passed in a haze. The endless pile of work on my desk fluctuated between phonecalls and mugs of coffee. I skipped lunch, choosing to spend it by my office window with a cigarette and a lukewarm cup of coffee. The afternoon passed as the morning. At six o’ clock I left for home.

I passed the graveyard on my way, slowing my car just before the gates. I considered entering as I had done untold times in the last two months but…no, only time would heal. I drove away. The memories followed.

You left me without a word, silently slipping away in the dark of the night.