I wish I could wake up in the middle of the night when no one else was awake. I would be alone with my breath and the moonlight outside my window, hidden behind the thick clouds of rain. I hate waking up in the morning and finding the sun forcefully pressing its rays into my room, crawling over my face and leaving me with a sense of disgust I cannot explain. Something is always wrong with these mornings and I hate them for it. I get up, I do whatever I have to do, silently hating the morning and everything that is brought with it. My sickness, my bad moods, my emptiness, my instability, my inability to control myself and the devil inside of me. It's funny how the devil is actually calmer at night. Maybe it's because he hates the sun as much as I do.

And so you come and you want me to shine. And all of a sudden, and this is a revelation that hits me just as powerfully every day, I understand what has been wrong with this morning, what has been wrong with this day and everything in it. It's because it lacks your presence. And so you come and you want me to shine. And I look inside myself and I try to find a moonbeam to share with you because I want to shine for you. Because I don't want to let you down. Because I don't want to disappoint you. Because I want to be in your presence, in your own light.

There's so much darkness in me. Maybe that's why I hate the sun. Maybe I hate it because its rays seem to spread not only over my skin... they seem to break through its surface into my body, touching the shadows that live within. That's why I surround myself with shadows. I turn off that light. I pull close those curtains. My eyes relax in pleasure at the sight of darkness and I feel better when I can see the night all around me, an extension of the night inside my heart.

Shadows do not shine. But they can entertwine with the moonlight and complement it with their lustful and alluring dance of the darkness, they can wrap you in a warm and soothing cloak, they can become your best friends and worst enemies, always so fleeting and out of reach. I am a shadow that cannot escape its own darkness, a shadow that flees the light and at the same time is drawn to it, that powerful source of energy, its opposite, its master, its arch enemy. We are fleeting creatures and we are everywhere and nowhere.

Where am I now? Dancing with the moonlight and wishing upon the stars, hiding in a corner and crawling over a ceiling, frightening a little girl in a dark room, whispering secrets in your ear and laughing with the devil... I'm everywhere and nowhere... I'm everything and nothing.