Men of Honor

By Katharine

Warnings: Rated PG-13 for mature topic matter. This essay addresses rape; if the subject makes you uncomfortable, do not read!

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Within the next two minutes, a woman will be raped somewhere in the United States. She probably already knows her assailant; in fact, he’s very likely a boyfriend or a “one-nighter” she picked up at a party. Attracted to his charm and good humor, she will follow him to some quiet, dark locale—perhaps the back seat of his car, or his apartment—and the situation will swiftly escalate beyond a simple make-out session. She may verbally protest his hands’ eager wanderings, may even try to push him away, but by that time his self-control will have gone up in flames, and he will not stop until he is satisfied. After he has had his way with her, he will leave her to pick up the pieces—if she can. She may find support and comfort in a rape survivors’ group, and perhaps eventually recover her lost self-confidence, but she will probably never regain her faith in men.

A growing number of men, however, are actively seeking to restore that faith. Men Can Stop Rape (MCSR), Men Against Sexual Violence (MASV), and hundreds of similar men’s groups strive each day to break the trend of male violence toward women. Since the early 1980s, such factions have worked tirelessly to add a strong male voice to the primarily female anti-assault cause. Some organizations, such as MCSR, began as outgrowths of pro-feminist coalitions, while others, like Pennsylvania’s MASV and Georgia’s Men Stopping Violence, developed from state-sponsored anti-rape programs. In addition, hundreds of student-led Men Against Rape groups have sprung up on college campuses across the country, in such states as Minnesota, Texas, California, New York, and everywhere in-between.

Why are so many men taking up arms on behalf of what has long been considered a women’s issue? Much of the response originates from individual devotion to mothers, wives, daughters, and other female kith and kin. Concerned men across the nation have decided to take a stand on behalf of those they love—a stand which is generally spurred by an attack on one of those very same loved ones. “We are perpetrators, survivors, and friends of survivors, and need to get involved,” declares the welcome page of the Mainely Men Against Sexism and Violence website. The astute gentlemen of California’s Men Against Domestic Abuse (MADA) observe that “men are critical to violence prevention efforts because men are more likely to listen to other men.” In short, as stated by the Men Against Rape Society at the University of Delaware, “rape is a crime that involves us all.”

The Safety Net, a Massachusetts-based Web organization, maintains one of the most eloquently compelling websites of its kind. Armed with banners proclaiming such slogans as “We’re guys trying to do the right thing here” and “Men rape, men abuse—it won’t stop until men stop it,” this assertive coalition primarily addresses date rape and other forms of intimate abuse. “It’s trust that’s used as the weapon—the trust our girlfriends, friends, roommates, wives, family members have in us, the men in their lives.” They stress their conviction that because most rapists are male, the task of abolishing such crimes falls to men. The Safety Net also points out that a large part of the problem is men’s aversion to dealing with so-called “women’s issues.” Consequently, “men continue to abuse while hundreds of women’s groups spend their time and money trying to clean up the mess. Along the way, women lose the ability to believe in us—to believe that men can be better.” Their solution is short and succinct: “Make it our problem. Then fix it.”

Jack Straton, Ph.D of Portland State University has done just that. Over the past two decades, he has organized hundreds of workshops on eradicating sexual assault, founded Men Against Rape groups in three states, and served as co-chair of the National Organization for Men Against Sexism. “I can no longer deny that every rape is a violation of my humanity,” he boldly declares. “I can no longer deny that my silence implies my consent. I can no longer deny my sisters their freedom.” Dr. Straton goes on to question the incongruity of a country where personal liberty is lauded, but where wives and daughters are warned about going out alone at night. Furthermore, he contends that “the same male patterns of violence involved…in international conflict” stem from similar patterns perpetrated upon individual women by individual men. “How can a new age man consider himself sensitive,” he asks, “if he cannot sense or does not respond to the pain that engulfs his sisters?”

Countless men have chosen to respond, and not only with speeches and slogans; the male anti-assault militia has developed an entire arsenal of methods by which they hope to reach their contemporaries. MCSR largely operates via such hands-on techniques as awareness-to-action workshops, community strength projects, and high school-based Men of Strength (MOST) clubs. The MOST clubs aim to demonstrate the ways in which traditional “macho” stereotypes contribute to the trend of male violence, while simultaneously exposing young men to healthy, nonviolent models of masculine strength. On the West Coast, California’s MADA encourages men to use their positions of authority in the community to affect change, noting that “men are already an integral part of the community…they are the majority of the judges, police officers and doctors.” In the east, Pennsylvania’s MASV goes so far as to ask men to “personally pledge to never commit, condone or remain silent about sexual violence,” and to also utilize their resources to champion the anti-rape cause.

While the media and popular culture would have women believe that their male counterparts are nothing more than an irredeemable mass of violent, lustful misogynists, the sheer number of male-led anti-assault groups would seem to prove otherwise. Men can and do recognize the enormity of the problem, and an escalating number of them are choosing to involve themselves in the battle for women’s welfare. MCSR eloquently explains that “rape, battering and other forms of men’s violence are learned behaviors, choices…that are reinforced by a society that defines manhood through domination.” Perhaps in the years to come, as the Men Against Rape movement gains momentum, more of America’s honorable fathers, sons, husbands, boyfriends, and others will step forward and defy that definition. Perhaps women will begin to see the men in their communities, not as potential assailants, but as supporters, protectors and partners.

Men Can Stop Rape: www. mencanstoprape. org

The Safety Net: www. thesafetynet. org

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Investigating Essay written for Composition I.

Note: I urge you to go take a look at the websites noted above; they are truly thought-provoking and, to me, heartening.