fourty-two

as i am left speechless (once again)
if only others (more talented than i) could voice the same
(hell, if only others felt the same)
i am left seething (like water left too long to boil)
to end exhausted, frustrated, still unexpressed
still hopelessly mediocre, average,
evoking no change, making no difference.

always i'm just getting by, never flying high (like all those around me)
though we all have iron wings
(except those few whose grace resides
in not just one person, but everybody's eyes);
some use devised machines
to reach such great heights
and feel pity from high above
or confusion (far more likely)
that anyone could fall behind
...:...:...:...in a world such as this
how could one not fall, not fail to see the wonder
with death at every comma, every pause,
every thought, every idea
corrupted by emotions
poorly understood
(and still less understood chain reactions:
cause and effect
chaos theory
what i had for breakfast determines whether the girl i like will ask me out)
but none of it matters; the routine of daily (non)interaction
is all of life's meaning simply an arbitrary number?