|The Evil Fanfic
Author: Tessabe PM
It defies words, just read. I warn you though, it's warped stuff.Rated: Fiction T - English - Humor/Fantasy - Chapters: 15 - Words: 14,520 - Reviews: 1 - Updated: 05-06-05 - Published: 05-04-05 - id: 1904096
|A+ A- Full 3/4 1/2 Expand Tighten|
This was written for the Evil challenge at a forum I post on. The point was to write a bad fic. This one will be dedicated to the Mary Sue. Keep in mind that this is totally tongue in cheek. Mercedes Lackey owns all, though I think In this case, she might wish she didn't. (And while I know this is fictionpress and normally reserved for totally original works, this thing in its entirety is so bizzare, it probably could be counted as somewhat original, besides somebody dared me to post it here just as someone dared me to post it on fanfiction dot net.)
(Note- I've read the Mary sue references) Please bear in mind this is meant to be excruciating. You have been warned. if I was truly evil half of this page would be filled with a conversation between me and a nonexistent muse, but oh well, you are spared. I only have 1000 words to work with.
Sierra Rowena Illianna Kethern sat quietly in her chair, her perfect ebon locks flowing down her back, she closed her emerald eyes and sighed. "Don't slouch" her mothers voice snapped.
"But I'm bored" she said in a musical voice.
"You must make a good impression on Lord Gerdley" her mother said.
"But he's a troll" she said with a shudder.
(Never mind that trolls don't exist here)
"He's rich and has connections in Haven, you must marry him" her mother said sternly.
"I can't" she cried flinging one hand dramatically up to her forehead. "Ow"she said, as the gesture was a little more forceful than planned.
She leaped to her feet, sobbing as she ran from the room. She ran to the gardens, the tears running silently down her face like jewels of , jewels of some kind anyway. Her face stayed perfectly smooth and pale, defying the ravages of her tears (I'm sorry I couldn't resist, are you gagging yet).The musical chimes of a Companions hooves startled her from her angst ridden crying fit. She looked up caught in his sapphire eyes.
:I choose you, what was your name again?: the Companion asked.
"Sierra Rowena Illianna Kethern" she said, waiting hopefully.
:Oh: there was a pause as the poor beast debated whether he would be able to continue.
:Alright, I choose you, by the way my name is Greggory: he said.
"Save me from my parents evil plans" she cried dramatically.
Greggory stood there stunned, he wracked his brain trying to think of any way he could undo what he had just done, nope. She was only nauseating, not evil.
He sighed and said :Let us go now forth to your glorious destiny: he stopped, shocked at what had come from his, er mind.
She mounted perfectly, every fold in her flowing gown fell exactly as it should and he trotted off to her glorious destiny.
(Ok, my sister pointed out that this might look a little different than my intentions, Greggory looks like a horse)
:You've ridden before?: Greggory asked.
"No, everything I do just seems to come naturally for me, it doesn't matter what it is" she said, modestly. Her hair drifted behind her in the wind of their passing, but strangely kept perfectly groomed.
As they stopped in the first Village on their route to Haven, the whole village came out from their homes to bask in her beauty and grace. They had never seen such a sight.
"Here have some pies" the Innkeeper said.
"Thank you" she said accepting his gift. As they left the village the people trailed in her wake, saddened to be losing sight of her, just when they had found her.
She looked up at the gates of the city "This place is big" she said, awe filling her musical voice.
:Yeah, big: her Companion said in a depressed voice, he felt ill, just two weeks in her company, how was he going to stand the rest of his life. He must have been something truly evil in his past life (Do I even need to comment here).
They got to the palace and the Queen and her court all waited to welcome her. "Oh, my dear. We have been waiting for you. We have needed a herald mage with the Bardic, healing, mindspeach, fetching, firestarting and well if I can remember more gifts you have what we need" the Queen gushed. (I think I'm going to be ill).
"Thank you my queen..." she trailed off noticing a boy to the side. She got lost in his eyes, her soul joined instantly. Strangely the welcoming crowd disappeared and she was alone with the boy, soft violins playing in the background. She ran in slow motion towards him as he did the same, the hugged each other tightly as they met and looked in each other''s eyes.
"I love you" they both said together.
"What's your name" she asked.
"Harry, Harry Potter" he said.
I just couldn't resist the last part, it was too perfect. Was this evil enough for you?
If you decide to flame this, know that I actually share your opinion. This is supposed to be bad. And unfotunately for you someone dared me to post this here.
Added for your reading pleasure are some of the reviews I got for this thing on fanfiction. Sorry, I appologise in advance, I don't usually add reviews to my stories, but some of the next chapters are cracks taken or responses to some of my more outragious reviews. It would be a little confusing without them.
Soariah 2005-3-8 ch.1- I want your babies
Shiane Collins 2005-3-8 ch 1- OH MY GOSH That was HORRIBLE!! Hilliarious, but horrible...