This is like a real super sad play about this dude Romeo and this dudette Juliet. They had names like that cause it was like the real old days, before MTV. So, no one had cool names like Heather or Brandon or Shania. They had really weird names like Benvolio and Tybalt and Mercutio.

Anyway, these two families : see, the Montagues and Capulets, really hate each other. I mean, they can't even walk down he street without thrashing on each other. Cause like, that's what happen at the beginning.

This dude Sampson, who works for old man Capulet, he sees this other dude Abraham, who hangs with Montague, and he bites his thumb. I mean like, Sampson bites his own thumb, not Abraham's thumb, which in the old days was like saying "Your mama!" And Abraham says "Are you pissing me?" So they start beating down. But it gets broken up before anybody's really messed, you know. And the prince - he was like the principal of this whole town - he says "Yo, next time you people get in each other's face, I'm gonna twist someone's head around so their cap's on straight"

So then Juliet's old man decides he's going to have this party. But he has to send this servant out to tell everybody. Cause like, they didn't have phones then. But this servant is like dyslexic or something, and he can't make out the names on the list. So he like, stops someone to help him read it out. Duh! It's Romeo.

So Romeo looks at the list, and there's all these names of dweebs, freaks, jocks, stoners, nerds, goobs and motorheads. But then he sees Rosaline's name. She's this chick he thinks is really fly, so he decides to crash the party. Which is like, easy see : cause it's a masquerade party.

Meanwhile, Juliet's mom she's trying to fix Juliet up with this guy named Paris. Is that a dorky name or what? I mean, I thought Dweezil and Moon Unit were weird. But Paris? I guess he's lucky he wasn't born in like, Wayne Fort or something.

Romeo goes to the party even though he's totally bummed because he loves Rosaline and think she like, doesn't love him. But Romeo's homey Mercutio tells him like "Chill. Just go. Party down. There's going to be fly babes there"

So Romeo goes to the party and starts checking out the chicks. He sees Juliet and he goes "Who is that babe?" And she goes "Who is that hunk?" Which is bad see, cause like Shakespeare already said they got "fatal loins" whatever that mean, and they're "star-crossed" which means both of them are Aquarians, I think.

But that don't stop them. So Romeo starts hitting on her, and they hold hands for a while and like, he goes "Oh then dear saint, let lips do what hands do" And he kisses her, and it's like super rad, I mean totally awesome for both of them. But then Juliet's nurse pulls her away, cause like, in the old days they really had a cow if they caught you sucking face.

Juliet's cousin Tybalt, sees that Romeo is trying to ease in on a Capulet, even though he's a Montague, so Tyb says "Yo, hand me that sword" But Juliet's dad says "Be cool"

Then it's curfew or something, cause everybody has to leave. But when Romeo's heading for his pads, he says "Check it out dude, I'm gonna bail" And he jumps over this big fence into Juliet's yard. He's like, creeping in the trees and he looks up at Juliet's bedroom and goes "Who left that light on?" or something like that, and she goes "Oh Romeo, Romeo wherefore art thou Romeo?" And it's like, duh, cause he's standing right under her balcony. But maybe like, she took her contact lenses out to go to bed.

So he goes "Do you wanna get married?" And she goes "Yeah" So they do, only in secrets.

But then like, after this Juliet's pushy cousin Tybalt shows up again and starts getting in Romeo's face. See, he don't know they're married cause he didn't get an invitation no nothing. And like, he shoulda been happy, because he didn't have to buy an electric can opener or anything.

He wants to kill Romeo, but Romeo won't fight him, so Tybalt jumps into Mercutio's face. Mercutio gets killed, so Romeo kills Tybalt. Which is like, dumb cause now him and Juliet's ain't gonna get any wedding presents.

Then the prince exiles Romeo. Which is like, being grounded into another state or something.

So Romeo and Juliet have to split for a while. Juliet goes "Oh think'st thou we shall ever meet again?" Cause like, some guys act like they like you a bunch at school but then they never call you up. You know?

Romeo leaves, Juliet's really bumming cause her old man wants her to marry Paris. Duh! She's already married. But her parents are planning a wedding, so it looks like she's going to get an electric can opener one way or another, or maybe even a microwave.

But then this priest guy gives Juliet this stuff to drink so that everyone will see she's like, dead until Romeo can get back from being grounded. But the stuff is so good that everybody think she's really dead. And they put her in this tomb thing, you know.

Then Romeo dreams that Juliet has found him dead, even though he's grounded in another state. He says "Later, I'm outa here" He takes a stroll to see Juliet.

He takes off to see Juliet, but he stops like, at a drug store. For some poison. So he misses this letter that the priest sends that says "Juliet isn't dead. She's like, sleeping"

But then Romeo sees Juliet and goes "Ah dear Juliet, why art thou yet so fair?" Cause you know, if she was dead she ought to be green and starting to smell funny. And that totally bums him, so he takes the poison.

Duh! Then you'll never guess this part. She wakes up and sees Romeo and goes "Oh happy dagger!" And kills herself.

I mean, are these people serious or like, what?