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Moral Truths
I heard beeping, where was I? Maybe I was dreaming? I was in heaven with Hannah, and my life was back to normal. Look, there she was, smiling at me from across the road. Wait, road? I didn’t like that word. Roads killed both of us in different circumstances. Oh Hannah, I messed up. This was why we vowed never to like boys, wasn’t it? I remember it as it was yesterday. I can’t believe what Ben has reduced me to, Hannah. It must have been true then, he did push a girl in front of a bus, and now he’s forced me to run in front of a car. So why on earth do I still feel for him Hannah? He’s killed me, and yet I miss him. I want to hear his story, but now I never will…
“Sky? Sky! Help! Doctor help! She’s choking!”
The strain in my chest stopped as suddenly as it had started. What on earth was that?
“You could speak to her now, she’ll hear you.”
Hannah, what’s happening? Was that voice you? It didn’t sound like you.
“Sky, pumpkin, you’ll be ok now, you wait, and we’ll have you home in no time. I’m so glad your mother can’t see you now…”
Mother? Hannah, why is he talking about my mum? Make him stop? I thought I was in heaven with you, I can see you, where’s my mum? Am I dreaming dad’s voice? I really don’t know.
“I’m so sorry about the other night, pumpkin. We won the lottery! So, I had a few celebratory drinks, and… fell off the wagon… It won’t ever happen again.”
The lottery? I was rich and then I died! What was the world coming to? I hope we’re not going to move house, I want to stay near Ben. He makes me feel safe, but he’s killed me, hasn’t he?
“I promise pumpkin, you’ll be ok, and then we’ll do up the house and we’ll do it together. I promise pumpkin. I promise Sky, I promise.”
I looked around to see no dad in the room. How long ago had it been that I heard them? I didn’t understand what was happening.
I closed my eyes again to go back to sleep, not caring where I was, at least I knew I was safe.
“Sky?”
I jumped out of my skin at the sound of his voice, where had he come from?
“You’re awake,” He smiled from the door. I didn’t say anything, I didn’t know what to feel, my emotions for him were everywhere, but in my head. “Your dad is at work,” He told me.
“I thought we won the lottery?” I said before I even thought it. Where had I heard that? Must have been a dream.
“You did, but not all of it, your dad had to spend what he won on your operation,” He explained.
“I had an operation?” I asked, shocked.
He nodded slowly, still standing tentatively at the door to my obviously private room.
“What happened?” I asked.
“I don’t think I should tell you…”
“I want you to, come in,” I gestured with my hand, only noticing then that wires were stuck onto it, and there was a strange clip on the end of my finger.
I examined this as he walked slowly to the chair next to my bed, which, again, I didn’t know was there.
“You had to have an operation on your arm, it was badly broken,” He explained.
“But if it was only an arm operation, why did my dad have to pay?” I asked.
“He wanted the best treatment for you, and this is a privately paid for room.”
There wasn’t much I could say about that. He obviously thought my dad was always a generous man. We can’t have gotten much on the lottery then, because this wouldn’t cost that much.
“I, better go,” He said, getting up, “I’m glad you’re ok.”
I watched as he headed for the door, but I couldn’t do it, I don’t know why, but I couldn’t watch him walk out of that door, because something was telling me that he was walking out of my life.
“Ben,” I whispered, “Don’t leave me, I’m scared.”
Ben turned back round and smiled slightly at me. Walking back to me, he whispered, “I’m so sorry,” And started crying.
When I arrived back at school for the final week before summer, the first thing I did was walk straight up to Jason and punch him with my good arm. And then, to embarrass him more, I kicked him, right in his nuts. And it felt so good. He was really the person whose fault it was that I walked into a car. I still didn’t know what the deal was behind the rumours, if they were true or not, but the point was, he had gotten them into my head, made me fall out with my best friend and made me scared of him so I ran into a car. For that I could have killed him, but the feeling when you think you’re going to die is horrible; especially when you see former friends.
Ben and I were friends again now, but we were very timid around each other. There had been so many times when we had gotten into fights, I just didn’t want to have any more. Neither of us really spoke about what happened, we just talk about the here and the now; which suited me fine! Until of course, the fateful day arrived when I felt like I was going to burst, I needed to know if the rumours were true, or at least half true, I needed to know what happened.
Even though I went round his all the time now, there were things that made me suspicious. Like when I went early in the morning to call on him, his Grandad would open the door, and I would hear his sister screaming. I always shuddered and motioned to his grandad that I would wait by the corner. Then when Ben came out he would be all smiley and normal. I couldn’t bear the thought of his torturing his sister, even though I’d never met her.
I also wondered where on earth his parents were, they couldn’t have been dead, other wise he would have said over so long knowing me. I didn’t understand him one little bit, nor his family. The only conclusion I could come to was that his parents went to work super early in the mornings, and then he would torture his sister, but his grandad couldn’t hear her screams, so he wouldn’t know anyway, would he?
So at the start of the summer holiday, I had to ask him. We were having a day on the beach, his grandad had driven us there, leaving his little sister at her friends house, or so Ben said.
It was the first time I had been to the beach, and it was lovely, and strangely neglected today considering that it was the summer holidays. We were lying on the sand with our feet positioned so that when the tide swept in quickly, it would tickle them.
“Ben,” I started, knowing I was going to regret this as soon as it was over, “Erm, why didn’t your sister come with us today?”
“Erm,” He struggled to answer, which unnerved me a little. “Well, she didn’t want to; she wanted to stay with her friends. Not enough room in the car to bring them as well,” He added, as if reading my next question.
“Oh Ben,” I couldn’t be bothered with small talk, I wanted to know. “Are the rumours true? The one’s Jason told me, about your sister?”
Ben looked at me with such a disappointed face that it made me feel guiltier than my dad did at times. “I can’t believe you’re asking me this,” he said sadly, “Is it because you think I did mean for you to get hit by the car? Because I didn’t! it was the worst time in my life!”
“I know Ben, I do, I trust you. It’s just…” I trailed off, not knowing what to say.
“Of course it’s not true, do you really think I’d be a pervert, and to my own sister! The idea disgusts me in any way, let alone my sister.”
I sighed quietly. “Then why do I hear her screaming? In the mornings? What are you doing to her when your grandad answers the door? And where are your parents?” I had so many questions, I felt terrible asking them all at once.
“Wo! Calm down,” Ben said, pointing to his grandad who was sitting on a deck chair about fifteen metres away. “Look, I don’t tell people about my family that much, that’s why people think I’m so weird. And that whole rumour was started because people have heard my sister scream.”
“Then why don’t you set them straight?” I asked.
“Because then Annie would be made fun of, by people our age.”
“Why?”
Ben sighed and looked straight ahead of him. “She’s got brain damage, she was born with it. She’s in a wheelchair all day apart from when she’s asleep, that’s why she hasn’t come today. Half the medicine you saw that day was for Annie, not my grandad. I have to give it to her every morning and evening. She hates it, she tells me it tastes horrible and half the time she brings it back up. I don’t really know what it does but I know it helps her a little bit. So those mornings I’m late to meet you for school is because she’s playing up.”
I sat with my mouth slightly open, gawping like a fish with tears in my eyes.
“Ben, I, I’m so sorry…” And I truly was, but then I had a thought, “But, why can’t your parents take care of her?” I asked.
“I,” Ben tried, “I don’t have parents.”
I gasped so quickly I made myself cough. I couldn’t believe it, all that time, I thought he was luckier than me because he had two parents to my one, but he had, none. I had no idea what to say then, it was unbelievable. I felt so cruel, heartless.
“You weren’t to know,” Ben said, reading my thoughts, “It’s my own fault really, for not telling you. I was five when they died. They were in a car crash, and I was, and my grandad, that’s why he died, the noise of the crash burst his eardrums. Luckily Annie was at her friends’. I was the only one who came out in one piece. That’s when I had to start taking care of Annie; my grandad can talk, but he won’t say a word when it comes to mum, dad or Annie.”
By this time I was in floods of tears, I couldn’t believe how horrible I had been, I felt like the ice queen from hell.
“Ben, I,” But he cut me off; apparently he wanted to get everything off his chest in one bulk.
“Now, when it comes to Christy…” I assumed this was the girl in front of a bus.
“So there was a girl then?” I asked, quite surprised.
Ben nodded and went on, “She was, my girlfriend. I’d known her since I was three. And we’d been going out for about, five years. I know it doesn’t mean much at that age but it did to me, and her. She, she did die. And it was when I was out with her. And she did get pushed in front of a bus, but, it wasn’t by me…” I could see he was having trouble talking; I wanted to tell him to stop, but as I put my hand on his arm his shook his head like he wanted to tell me. “He was angry that she didn’t like him like that, he wanted all the girls for himself, and, well, he was shouting at her one night next to the main road. He was clinging onto her and she was shouting at him to let her go. I was walking up to them, but I didn’t realise it was them; if I had then I would have got to her in time. When I did realise it was Christy I ran up to her after the bus hit her and knocked her sideways. I didn’t catch who the boy was, and he ran away before I got a good look…”
I could see where this story was going, and I didn’t like it one little bit. The main road was on a Cliffside on the way to the beach.
Seeing the expression on my face, Ben nodded at it. I gasped and fell about in tears.
“She was knocked, not very hard by the bus, but hard enough to be pushed off the cliff. I shouted her name as I sprinted towards her, I could see her holding on. She was screaming for help and I got to her in time and grabbed her hand. But then she told me she loved me and she just, slipped out of my hands…”
“Oh Ben,” I croaked out, putting my arm around him.
“It was the scariest time in my life, and when I found out it was Jason who pushed her into the bus…”
“WHAT?!” I yelped. Jason, the one I had gone out with? And Ben had let me go out with?!
“Yeah,” Ben answered as if he didn’t care, “That’s why I didn’t want you to go out with him, I don’t trust him and never will.” I looked at him then, and he was crying, which was fair enough, I liked it when boys cried anyway. “I’ve only ever loved two girls before, and they both almost suffered the same fate, because of Jason.”
I cried and looked into his eyes, realising what he had said.
I’m so sorry Hannah, but that’s when I realised I was in love for the first time.
Ben leaned over and kissed my cheek. I smiled at him and then he moved on to my lips. I opened my mouth and it was the best kiss I’ve ever had in my life. Maybe it’s because it was so passionate, or I could feel his love draining into me, I didn’t know. But I swore that very second that Jason would get what was coming to him.