Journal 1/11/05

Kyler

My Own Opinion

I’ve recently found it hard to have an opinion about anything. I think that it is mostly because I am so analytical that I think about what someone says, means, what they want me to say, what they think I will say, before I look inward. I think about all the things that the questioner thinks before I even begin to comprehend what I think. Though I don’t intend to, or even mean to, I find out what answer would serve my own purposes, even though that answer may be false, or even laughable, in my own mind.

Even the truth, that comes so easily to some people, sounds foreign from my own lips. When I am asked something, there is a pause, as if I don’t know the answer, though, in reality, I am finding all the possible answers and selecting the one that is least offending. I automatically examine my questioner, and the way the questioner asked the question to find a weakness, even a miniscule one, that may be extorted to my own uses. If the questioner is vain, but lacks reason I answer with something that appeals the most to his/her vanity, though it lacks base. If the person is logical, but lacks humanity, then I answer with the most grounded and persuasive answer, though it may be oversimplified in my own eyes.

I know not what I think myself, because I so good at knowing what other think that I don’t know what I think. Everything that I write, everything that I say, serves a purpose, maneuvering with a sightless enemy, a joust that is unfair because I am the only one not blindfolded by truth, for truth is true only for a moment, and then it is gone.