I cut all of my hair off

to the ethereal lager of Jewel's "foolish games"

and felt

the sting

of years

passing me by

and the inches

freezing me

instead of warmth to be felt.

I didn't care what people thought

and driving home

in the car with all of the windows down to feel the cold

warming me

I smile

at the gain

of all that I lost.

Green curtains

and tinted windows filled with dreams

star gazing

screams from happy teenagers

in white pick up trucks

and me

alive

and suddenly

older.

I made sure that I could trace the lines of brunet that so many boys have run their hands through

like fairy tales

cruel kindness

at the end of the day

and some

pink lipped girl

should have a nice wig;

my curls

once again

to have loving hands fall through them

even without my face to fulfill.

I smile at that

the thought hardening my fear of guilt.

Straight flesh

and cute boys

too young for me

checking me out as they make their illegal turns

too young

to know the danger of their recklessness.

On fire suddenly

I am again within the scream

of forget-me-nots

and love letters

that sadly

out of anger

I burned long ago

to soon

to know

that I would remember only words

rather then feelings.

I cut all of my hair off

but I'm still the same girl.