I wonder sometimes

What my life would be like

If you hadn’t died.

But then I stop

And wonder

If that thought is

Blasphemy

To your memory.

There is no good

In the way you died.

You left us with so many questions

That will go unanswered

Forever.

But there is no doubt

In my mind

That your friendship,

However brief,

Made me a better person.

But would I have changed

In the ways that I have

If you were still with us?

The thought makes me

Question myself

And my intentions

In missing you so much.

Is the thought

Blasphemy?

Are the painful memories

As sincere as they feel?

And if I’m angry

At your choice,

Is that thought

Blasphemy?