Untitled (To Kari: perhaps???)

You're all in there watching Aladdin

And I'm in here

Alone > > > >

I can hear A Whole New World in the background

You're all laughing and singing along

I'm silent > > > >

I'm wondering what I'm doing, sitting here

Probably being stupid, then I realize

I don't have an answer > > > >

I don't have any answers

When I don't know the questions

How am I supposed to? > > > >

They just circle around and around

All through my head and my veins
Poisoning me > > > >

Lindsey thinks I'm anorexic

You think I'm going insane

I don't think > > > >

I try not to. Right now,

I'm remembering a poem

That I read a month or so ago > > > >

It was written by a 13 yr old girl

Whose older sister went schizophrenic

And everything crashed > > > >

She was talking about drawing eyes

Kind of like I did my art project on

Her's was for an art project too > > > >

The mother had zipper eyes, zipped up tight

The father had window eyes, broken and cracked

The sister had eyes, that were spinning out sparks > > > >

But the girl was like me

Because she drew herself

Without any eyes at all > > > >

Now I'm really wondering

What the hell I'm doing here

But I can't make myself get up > > > >

You asked me today

To make you a promise

I just sat and listened > > > >

You want me to promise you

That instead of doing it

I'll call you > > > >

I can't answer that

I don't think I should

I wonder it you mean it > > > >

You said it would help me

You said a friend of yours died from it

Another OD'd, another to a car crash > > > >

But they're not like me

I said they were never deep

You didn't seem to believe me > > > >

I wanted to show you,

I did it just yesterday

I wanted to prove it > > > >

But I couldn't show you, couldn't prove it

What the hell was I supposed to say?

I'm just not like that > > > >

I did tell you that only one has ever needed stitches

But then you asked me what would stop it

From happening again > > > >

I couldn't speak, looked away

The truth is,

Nothing would > > > >

I wish I could tell you

Just how much it scares me

But I don't know how to talk to you > > > >

I've never talked about it before

The words just don't form in my mouth

I'm so worried I'll scare you away > > > >

In my mind, I just keep thinking

What if I end up saying something

That makes you tell? > > > >

I never thought I'd tell you

Hell, I never thought I'd tell Lindsey

But I did > > > >

What the fuck is wrong with me

That I can't even keep my secrets

To myself? > > > >

I really wish I could make that promise to you

But I know I'd never call

I can't > > > >

I want to tell you that I've tried it already

That I used to call Lindsey,

But only when I really needed it > > > >

I want to tell you that it didn't work

Because I was so worried about screwing up

That I couldn't talk > > > >

And she'd just be there, late at night

On the other side of the phone, trying so hard

To comfort a tiny voice > > > >

That tiny voice is me

But it's really just an empty shell

That's shattered > > > >

Sometimes that tiny voice

Would pretend to be strong

What a great actress > > > >

You see, that tiny voice would lie

Lie right through the pain

Saying everything was fine > > > >

I swear if I ever tell you that

Don't believe me, when I say fine

It's always a cover-up > > > >

So that tiny little voice

That shattered little shell

Can hide > > > >