He looks at the scars like they don’t matter, like they aren’t a reflection of how inadequate he feels because he couldn’t protect you.

He tries to stop the tears but they threaten to pour and soak the heavy material that’s threatening to suffocate your small body.

He longs to know why, why you never told him. Why you couldn’t confide in him. But it never was your style to have to depend on another, and in the end that was your downfall. Because sometimes you need to let go and just trust somebody else, no matter how many times you’ve been hurt before.

He can’t stop the tears from falling, and you should be so ashamed for making him like this, for making him suffer because you were too stubborn to admit that you needed help.

He isn’t sure what happened, and now he’ll never find out. You know that you should have allowed him into your heart, then he wouldn’t have been so sad, then maybe he wouldn’t have gone behind your back, seeking the cold comfort of drugs.

He couldn’t have known about your past because you never told him, or anyone else. So how was he to know that you couldn’t stay with anyone who’d allow their control to be stolen by something so small.

He knows that there’s now a huge gap in his life, and he knows what to fill it with. The drugs that drove you away may yet reunite you both. Then what would you say? Would you apologise for hurting him so many times, in so many ways? Would you beg his forgiveness?

He would give it to you without hesitation. Did you realise that before? That he loved you so completely. Even now, watching him, can you admit it to yourself?

He didn’t know about your pain, only about his own. But even that was incomparable to knowing that you’re gone.

He should be heartened by the fact that you’ll be waiting for him. Tears in your eyes, so sorry and on your knees, just begging, just praying for forgiveness. You couldn’t see his dedication or his pain, because you were consumed with your own pain.

He wasn’t to know that he would be the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back.

He doesn’t know that you realise how stupid you were, and how you realise that he loved you, and you love him just as much. You know that when you’re reunited, things will be different. Even if it doesn’t mater anymore you’ll tell him everything.