The Worth of a Boy

… You were the boy in the blue jean over-alls who was best friends with the girl in her daddy’s shirt.

By: Romantic Suicide

For: We Tad Ed.

You inspire me.

There was a time when we had more in common.

It was a while ago. I’m not sure you remember. It was when you were the boy in the blue jean over-alls who was best friends with the girl in her daddy’s shirt. Looking back, I think you’re right. It was a long time ago. A whole lifetime ago.

I don’t remember much about our early days. But, sometimes, when the hour gets late and I still haven’t gotten anything worth while done yet, I like to curl up close to myself and just picture our faces. We used to walk together down by the shore. You hated the feeling of the sand between your toes and the salty taste of the water. But, I loved it. So, you came.

We would always eat vanilla ice cream. It was your favorite and my favorite, and as the stubborn creatures we were, no other flavor would ever do. You still take the small, ginger licks that give the ice cream just enough time to trickle over the cone. And you always hated how your fingers would get sticky. Just like me.

But, it was worth it, wasn’t it?

You’re never too old for ice cream.

Sometimes, though, do you think we out grow friendship?

…

On cold days, when the sky is gray and all I want to do is sleep, I don’t. I lay on the same off-white, shag carpet I’ve always known, take in the familiar scents and relax my hands, thinking about the day I stopped liking you. You remember. It was the same day I decided I loved you instead.

Maybe that’s when our similarities disappeared.

We were still both as picky and hot-headed as ever. We both still wrinkled our noses at ketchup and resisted using new erasers for fear of ruining their perfect appearance. You took time on Sundays to sit in silence with me, constant as always. And we never stopped taking our umbrellas for walks when it was particularly sunny.

But, something changed, didn’t it?

Was it wrong of me to love you? You, the person most precious to me.

Were you worth it?

…

… I’m sorry. I know how uncomfortable it makes you when I talk about that. I feel the same way, you know. But, what must be said, must be said. Still… Do you think, maybe, I could just hold you hands a moment? …You still smell like that silly watermelon soap we both love so much, your skin is so smooth. And, you’re so cold!

So cold.

Why do you look away?

Have I embarrassed you again?

You never used to be ashamed of me. Sometimes, I wish you would put on some over-alls and I could find my daddy’s old shirts. I’d take us out to the shore and buy you ice cream, just the way you like it. And it would be just like the early days.

And we would be just a boy and a girl.

It would be worth it.

…

Listen, it’s getting late.

Can I get you something? … I know you don’t like it when I fuss, but you’ve been sitting with me for so long, longer than usual. Are you angry with me? I can’t stand when you look at me that way. You make me feel so stupid. Why can’t you say something? Doesn’t this mean anything to you?

Please.

Say something. Anything.

Anything.

…

Anything to let me know I’m still in love with the same boy.

The boy in the blue jean over-alls.

Fin.