Title: Only for a while…

Rating: NC-17/M

Summary: (Sequel to “Something’s gotta give” and “Not enough”) Not every ending is happy but at least we tried to make ours more bearable…

Disclaimer: I own the Characters and the story line but in all events please remember that this is F I C T I O N and that none of it is real. All bands mentioned, TV programmes and possibly Countries or Cities are real and I do not own them, any quotes used are owned by their author but have been labelled accordingly.

Please note: No characters were hurt in the making of this story, how ever by all legal rights the author will not take responsibility for the actions of some members. The actors in this story are professionals and have been trained to perform these stunts. Please do not attempt to re-enact anything you have seen today. Also in this case, the characters used were based on real people but seeming as I don’t use last names or any particular references to them I’m not technically do anything wrong.

Enjoy the Show.

Only for a while.

“But I threw you the obvious, Just to see if there's more behind the, Eyes of a fallen angel, Eyes of a tragedy, Here I am expecting just a little bit, Too much from the wounded, But I see, see through it all…”- A perfect Circle “3 Libras”

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“Quinn!”

I shuddered when I heard the door slam shut, not daring to voice my presence in the house as I carried on drying the dishes, popping another strawberry sweet into my mouth in hope of hiding the cigarette taste. I kept my head down as I heard him storming round the house. I knew it would only be a few seconds before he found me, but I didn’t care, I wasn’t going to make it any easier on him, not when the mere thought of facing him scared me.

As I suspected he was in the kitchen within seconds, his hands grabbing me with more force than normal and spinning me around, the cutlery in my hands clattering against the floor when they slipped from my grasp. I was more than surprised by this, normally he was never this violent but when I looked up into his face I could the see the anger there, the anger that had shown itself a lot more recently, leaving me to nurse a bruised cheek. It had been a week since I had walked in on him fucking Ian, a week since we had argued and he had hit me and then fucked me, or made love to me, I wasn’t sure what it was, but it had been a week since he had broken me. The time since then had been like a living nightmare, I had felt nothing but numbness, walked around in nothing but a daze and found every possible chance to avoid him and his touch.

This was the first time we had been in the same room as each other for longer than five seconds and already I felt myself suffocating, having to battle off tears that I had been spilling a lot more recently. But I was trapped, by my own fear and his presence, his anger clouding up in his brown eyes, boring into me, burning right through me as he gripped my wrists hard, painfully hard and I knew there would be bruises in the morning.

“Did you kiss Dave?” He growled through gritted teeth, his lips ring shining cold in the grey light. “Did you?!”

I felt my heart miss a beat, my eyes going wide. I could still remember the kiss; it had only been three days ago at some party I had been dragged to. He had paraded around like some arrogant king, draping himself all over Lee when he thought I didn’t notice, humiliated me as always in front of my friends… if that’s what they were. I had met you there, I had met your kindness and your care and yes I had fallen in love with it, fallen in love with you but had no chance of obtaining it. It had been our little secret, a guilt free kiss that had haunted my dreams since that night and left me yearning more than what I already had. How he had found about it left me completely and utterly stunned and shocked to the point I could barely answer him, my body trembling as the rage in his eyes grew by the second.

The problem was I couldn’t deny it, or admit it, which was what always gave me away. He caught on to it, his anger flaring right before me and I could do nothing but witness it.

“You fucking whore…” He growled icily, twisting my wrists until I whimpered in pain.

“I-I can explain!” I babbled out quickly trying to pry myself away gasping desperately.

He was having none of it, just tightened his grip until I was sure my wrists were breaking and dragged me out of the kitchen, and practically threw me into the lounge. I gasped at the pain, gasped in my own fear as I tripped and stumbled nearly hitting the coffee table, spinning so I was facing him and backing away trying to keep the distance between us.

“What was it huh? Trying to get back at me, were you? Is that it!?” He practically screamed stalking towards me quicker than I could put ground between us. “Thought you’d try and make me jealous and angry?”

“N-no!” I cried shaking my head trying not to cry as he trapped me against the wall, towering over me like some monster from a horror movie. “I didn’t mean for it to happen!”

“Didn’t mean for it to happen?” He spat back at me, his eyes dark and menacing. “How can kissing someone not be planned?”

I felt my temper flare a little, remembering all the times he had told me that sleeping with someone hadn’t meant to happen that it had been mistake, that he had been drunk. I remembered how I had believed it because I loved him, or rather I had let him get away with it because I had been too scared to lose him, only now here he was screaming at me for one tiny kiss, acting as if I was the cheating whore. Well I wasn’t about to let him forget who was the biggest whore of them all.

“I dunno, how can fucking someone not be planned?” I spat back suddenly, my anger and hurt bubbling up for just a second.

It was a big mistake.

I didn’t even have chance to react as his hand caught my face hard, my head snapping to the side so hard, it hit the wall beside me with a thud. The pain burst through my cheek first, my skin stinging from the harsh contact before my temple joined it. Trust him to catch my already bruised cheek, the still sensitive skin making the pain just that little bit worse as I cringed, squeezing my eyes shut. I shuddered as I felt him pressing against me his mouth right next to my ear as he growled.

“I told you not to bring that up again…”

I shuddered again and tried to push him away forgetting how much stronger he was than me, how much more powerful he was. I whimpered when he gripped my shoulders, pressed them against the wall so hard it hurt, made it impossible for me to struggle or fight back.

“What have I gotta do to get it through to you that I love you huh?” He murmured, his voice still thick with anger, his touch far from caressing. “What’s it gunna take to get you to realise you belong to me, that I’m not going to let you go?”

I couldn’t answer, I was too afraid, I wanted nothing more than for him to leave me, to go find one of his whores and stay with them but that seemed unlikely. I could feel my tears betraying me once more; seeping through my closed eyes as I thought of how numb he made me feel, yet so hurt all at once. I knew for a fact he loved me, but not in the way I loved him, he no longer cared for the pain he put me through, or if I knew of his games, he did it all the more now that I knew and yet still dragged himself home to our bed to claim me as his own.

“Please don’t hurt me.” I whimpered trembling so much my own legs could barely hold me up.

“And why not? You hurt me, you hurt me so fucking bad baby, I love you and you go do something like this…” He replied and I heard him sigh, and with out even looking I knew he was shaking his head.

“I didn’t mean to.” I replied opening my eyes, looking at him desperately.

His gaze had softened, but only to something that looked like sick perversion as he watched me beg for a few seconds before cooing to me, pressing a finger to my lips softly to silence my cries.

But before he could open his mouth, his phone rang, the shrill making us both jump. I silently thanked god for his timing, and watched silently as he drew the phone from his pocket. I felt saved, grateful for whoever was calling not caring if it was one of those bitches he fucked, as long as he answered it and gave me a chance to get away…I just didn’t care.

“Jamie.” He murmured when he answered it moving away from me, freeing me and letting me breathe. “Oh hey Ian…”

I cringed at the name, reminding myself that next time I saw Ian I would have to pay him back for the nightmare he had started for me. But that was the least of my concerns, not with the chance to get out arising. Watching him turn away I pushed myself away from the wall shakily, watching him the whole time, trying to be as silent as possible as I slid out of the room, torn between leaving and hiding upstairs. I was nearly going for the stairs except I heard him laugh, say something about how their last gig had really ended with a bang. I felt my stomach turn, felt like being sick and I nearly was but instead I grabbed my keys and pulled the door open quickly, practically falling out of it as I ran down to my car and climbed in.

I didn’t care if he had heard me, didn’t care if he’d come after me, I wasn’t going to stay here, not now, not with him. I backed out of the drive and took to the streets not having a clue where to go, who to see, where to hide, He’d find me no matter where I went and that just made it all the more frightening. I wanted nothing more than to see you, to hear your voice and feel your reassurance, but I barely knew you, I had no idea where you were and worst still I knew Jade would be there with you.

So after driving around for three hours I ended up at Jeph’s, with an empty petrol tank and no cigarettes. He was kind enough to inform me, he had called, said we’d had an argument and that he was worried. I thought that it was a lie but nodded a little to every question Jeph asked, even he ones about the bruises.

“I’m going to have to call him, you know that right?” Jeph murmured, rubbing my back gently as we sat on his old battered couch in the grey light.

I nodded numbly staring at a stain on the carpeted floor, barely feeling his touch as he let a finger brush my bruised cheek.

“Jesus…” Was all he could mutter as he rose from his seat and headed for the door when the doorbell rang.

I was ready for it to be him, not you, I had my eyes closed, listening for his footsteps, waiting to hear his voice and feel his hand on my shoulder. I was so ready for it to be him at the door that when I felt your soft touch I cried, letting the tears out freely, letting you embrace me in the warm comfort of your arms and let your scent fill my sense. I don’t think I had ever cried this hard, hurt this bad, I felt like every fibre in my body was screaming in pain, that it wasn’t just me screaming physically as you held me so tightly, like you’d never let me go.

“My Quinny, my poor, poor Quinny.” You cooed to me, letting me cry, showing no pity for my state other than to hold me and comfort me, to help calm me as I shook so violently. “What cruelness have you fallen into? What pain you feel…”

“I thought he loved me.” I cried clinging to you desperately, hiding my face in your pitch black fleece, not wanting to look at you, too ashamed to let you see my face, to see what I had finally become.

“You feel that he doesn’t?” You asked sounding curious, maybe surprised.

I shook my head a little, finding the will to calm, still crying though, but now I could speak, the pain wasn’t so bad that it made where my heart for him had once been feel so empty. I couldn’t remember when you had pulled me into your lap, surrounded me with your arms, when you as scooped me up so close to you that I felt protected and safe. I suddenly feared you letting me go; I feared what would happen once I was no longer hiding in your strong and angelic embrace. I knew the time would come eventually but for now I wanted to relish in this, I wanted to feel what I had been begging for, for so long.

I heard you tell Jeph that you were taking me away, if Jamie wanted me then he’d have to come get me, but you wouldn’t let me go. I knew Jeph would argue, beg you not to, that it would only make things worse but you insisted, told him that if a fight was what Jamie wanted, that was what he would get. You lifted me up, let me walk rather than belittling me by carrying me, kept your arms around me still, let your raven black hair caress my cheeks, your scent comforting me silently. I couldn’t yet argue with you, even though I knew Jeph was right, but all I wanted was just to be far away from here, far away from here and everything that was tainted by his presence. Your car was exactly like you, dark but impressive, for some reason I never imagined you to be a driver, I always had that impression you had never really wanted to acquire your licence but it would seem I was wrong.

“Where are you taking me?” I asked quietly when you had us both in the safe confines of the car.

“Back to Jade’s and My place.” You replied looking at me with black piercing eyes.

“No you can’t!” I gasped panicking, looking at you in pure horror. “He’ll find me there! He’ll find us and it’ll only be worse!”

“Shhh darling.” You cooed pressing a finger lightly to my lips silencing me as you gently brushed my cheek. “Everything will be okay.”

“You don’t understand.” I whispered, my voice shaking on the notes. “He knows.”

I saw the flicker of realisation in your eyes, the worry as you looked at me in confusion, not wanting to believe what came to your mind but I knew already you were thinking of the kiss, what we had done behind our lover’s backs.

“He knows?” You whispered hoarsely looking at me as if I was lying.

I nodded, completely ashamed, turning my face away from you, not looking at you, knowing you were feeling angry, scared, it wasn’t just my relationship with Jamie on line here, it was yours with Jade and yours was more valuable, more worth fighting for and we both knew that.

“That’s why I can’t go with you, Dave.” I murmured swallowing on the lump in my throat. “He will find me, no matter what, and if I am near you, he will ruin you, he’ll ruin everything you want and need and have.”

"But I want and need you!” You cried in anguish leaning over in your seat to try and bring yourself closer to me. “Do you have any idea how much I have thought about you? How much I have thought about that kiss? I have dreamt of you every night, of being with you, having you, and despite my love for Jade I hold no guilt, I want you and I cannot and will not deny that.”

I wanted to tell you that you were being foolish, because you were but that was what I wanted to hear, I had secretly held hope for us, but I knew that reality was more than a dream and you could not have me, I could not have you and I had to accept that, I was too late to be a part of your life, years too late. I still couldn’t bring myself to look at you, despite how you wanted me to look at you, tilting my face gently so I was facing you, your eyes soft and caring, your lips so pink and soft looking, I could only vaguely remember what they felt like on mine, hoped that one day I would have a chance to feel them again even if it was for one last time.

“Come back with me.” You whispered, you mouth close to mine, you hand cupping my jaw. “Be mine even if it’s just for a little while.”

I could do nothing but nod, my voice failing me. I wanted nothing more than to be yours, to feel your kind of love before I went back to my world and him. I saw the smile on your lips; I even felt it against mine as you closed the small gap between us, kissing me so softly, so gently that it barely felt like we were touching but all the power, all the love and strength was there.

Before we could get carried away in our activities you pulled away slowly and started the car, keeping silent as you drove us to your home, reassuring me silently that we wouldn’t be caught again. I believed you, but still unable to shake the uneasiness I felt, the shock and the pain still swirling through my system and tainting my thoughts as I watched the world around us move by.

You house was cosy looking, not huge, but fairly large, there was no gothic door, just a Spanish Oak door, forget me not’s and small pink flowers carpeting your path as you helped me out of the car, took my hand and led me slowly through your secret garden to the hidden door, pushing it open with ease to reveal your cosy home with it’s beautiful decorations and beautiful furniture. I was in complete awe at the beauty, the homeliness that filled your house, it was so comforting, nothing compared to the modern, expensive world Jamie had built for him and I. I so taken back I barely noticed your arms sliding around my waist from behind until I felt your lips brushing my neck, lightly and carefully, being careful to enjoy the first touches.

I let my eyes close, feeling so trusting in your arms, feeling so protected and wanted, loving how your hand crept under my shirt and ran smooth circles over my stomach. You whispered in my ear to trust you, that you were going to make this moment perfect, that I would feel nothing but love. I believed you, how could I not? The way your tongue and lips glided over my skin set me on fire yet calmed me all at once, the way you gently took my hand and led me carefully up the small staircase to your room made me feel special, not another mindless fuck, that you weren’t going to use me like Jamie.

It wasn’t until you had laid me on the bed that you kissed me again, this time holding no hesitation, still being so artistic yet so careful and loving with your technique, you tongue not plundering my mouth, not forcing me to be submissive, you simply explored me, let me explore you, let me taste you as you tasted me. You pulled back occasionally, leaving small light kisses on my lips with your own, giving me every chance to stop this, but I didn’t want that to happen.

“My Beautiful one.” You whispered when you pulled back for the last time, looking down at me with dark, sparkling eyes, not boring your gaze into me, just studying me, watching me as you slid my shirt up slowly, probably wondering if you would find bruises there but I knew you wouldn’t.

I rested my hands carefully over yours, guiding them slowly up my body, watching your face as we pushed my shirt up, you letting me sit up enough to pull the material away comfortably rather than ripping it from my body. I was almost expecting you to look me over, take in how skinny I had become, how pale. But you didn’t nothing of the sort, instead you leant in, kissed my chest softly, delicately making me gasp lightly, my eyes sliding shut as I felt nothing but clean pleasure, no hints of dirtiness, I felt far from used, I felt wanted, needed. I felt you smile against my skin your hands coming up to tickle my sides lightly making me squeak and giggle, dropping back down onto the mattress and smiling as you kissed up my chest and neck to my lips, planting a few loving kisses there before looking down at me.

“You have a truly amazing smile.” You whispered to me, as your black hair spilled over your shoulders, the light curls shining in the light from outside.

“So do you.” I whispered in response, loving how you stroked my forehead with your thumb.

You leant down again slowly, kissing my lips ever so lightly, still stroking my hair softly as you began to work those lips of yours down my body, paying special care to my neck. I could only guess that you enjoyed listening to me gasp and moan softly when you kissed there. I always became embarrassed by the sounds I made but I couldn’t help it, I couldn’t stand the thought of not giving myself to you completely, funny sounds and all. But you seemed to enjoy them, working every small one out of me as your hands travelled over my chest and down to my jeans.

“Can I?” You whispered against my neck.

I was surprised by your request for permission, no one had ever show me that care before, no one had ever cared for what I thought or wanted and I felt surprised and glad that someone cared for what I thought or wanted for a change.

“Please…” I whispered stroking your hair; loving how soft it is, compared to Jamie’s anyway.

You didn’t nod or laugh or make any sound, you just smiled softly, kissing my neck once again in this soothing loving way whilst your hands carefully undid my jeans, be slow and careful, giving me every chance to stop you, if I really wanted to.

“I want our first time to be perfect.” You whispered softly into my ear as you carefully slid my jeans down, taking my boxers with them, showing some of your impatience and it was cute, or at least that’s what I thought. “I want our last time to keep life in you.”

“You keep life in me.” I replied letting my legs cradle your hips. “You will keep me alive for a little longer.”

You nodded sadly, kissing my cheek as you sat up slowly, your eyes soft and kind and full of love that I had never seen before. I felt ashamed under your gaze, I felt so ashamed of how pale I was becoming, how skinny, but I cared little for myself anymore, I cared little for what would happen to me once I left you. You didn’t ask me what had happened, why I was so frail looking, you simply told me I was beautiful. It made me laugh for some reason, my giggles filling the air for the first time in what felt like a lifetime. You laughed with me, pulling your shirt off and throwing it carelessly to the floor, admitting that you weren’t really a dominant type of guy, that this was all rather new to you and you apologised if anything you said seemed cheesy or too cliché.

“Anything is better than the words Jamie tells me, and you make even the most cliché love line sound so heavenly.” I told you helping you carefully with your jeans, choosing now to bathe you in soft and gentle kisses.

I felt you shiver under me as I kissed your chest, your skin sweet as I kissed it and licked it softly; truly living up to the name kitten as much as I know despised it. Carefully though, under the sun filtering through the window, we slid your jeans off, my eyes lifting to meet your gaze as you kicked them away, looking down at me, your hand cupping my cheek.

“Promise not to hurt you.” You whispered softly, you skin glowing so wonderfully under the sunlight.

"Promise to trust you.” I whispered back as I let you push me back against the bed, staring up at you, unable to stop myself from panting.

I was nervous, I couldn’t deny that, I had never been with anyone else other than Jamie, and though in the beginning the sex had been truly amazing, it hardly been full of love, not the way I wanted it anyway.

“Just relax for me, I promise I won’t make it hurt.” You whispered grabbing something from the side.

I watched as you opened the small bottle, pouring some of the liquid into your hand, smiling when you saw me watching you as you covered your hands in the stuff.

“Slick?” I asked, almost ignoring you kissing me.

“Jamie uses it on you right?”

I nodded, he had never been so brutal, not yet anyway, he always used lube and protection, he said that he didn’t one of us getting ill because we didn’t use a rubber and I always knew he hated to hear me scream in pain, we had learnt that lesson the hard way.

“I don’t want to hurt you, I told you.” You murmured softly, sliding a hand down to my entrance, running a finger lightly over it so I shivered. “I want this to be perfect.”

I nodded again, biting my bottom lip as I felt you press your finger into me slowly, silently wondering how someone who was like me could know how to be so dominant and careful and strong. Never the less, your care is what made this feel so perfect as you carefully prepped me, kissing me soothingly, whispering such sweet nothings to me as you let me adjust, moving carefully but taking the care to tease me, to remind me of what was to come.

“Want you Quinny, want to be one with you.” You panted to me, gasping a little as I tensed around your fingers, my body shuddering in the fight to keep control.

“…Need you.” I whimpered out, arching my back to press myself closer to you, wanting to feel your skin on mine, feel the warmth and softness. “Please…”

You could only nod to me, perhaps your voice having failed you even now as you kissed me, sliding your fingers out and lifting to brace yourself. You whispered that you loved me against my lips right then, but before I could react you slid into me with one swift and careful movement of your hips, not taking advantage of my need for you at all really, not like Jamie ever did. My body instantly shivered as a feeling washed over me that I had never felt before, a feeling so powerful yet so right it had me crying your name softly already, wanting the heavens and the world to know how good you made me feel.

How complete you made me feel.

“Oh Quinn…” You breathed, burying your face into my neck as you rocked your hips lightly, acting as if you and I had done this so many times before, yet savouring the sweet taste of our first time. “…You amaze me.”

I could help but smile, my vision dancing as you kissed my skin, actually let me cling to you as you showered me in your love. Every push from you was heaven, it brought me closer to you, it made me feel wanted and complete and yes okay, beautiful.

I don’t think we exchanged words, once, something about us being this close, this intimate, didn’t call for words, and even then I was left speechless as you drove pleasure into me, filled me with it, made me love you all the more. You lifted your head to look at me, our eyes locking as the air filled with the sound of our breathing and the soft moans you forced from me occasionally. I didn’t think I could last; my body ached for released yet yearned for you to stay in me, to keep this feeling going.

I lifted my head when I felt close, capturing your lips, feeling your hand on my own erection, pumping me. Instinctively I dropped my hand down to yours, guiding t along my length, resting my forehead against yours as we rocked in harmony, allowing for us to feel the completeness that seemed to be what we were striving for. I think you knew I was close, because you smiled softly and kissed me deeply, thrusting into my extra hard as you uttered the beautiful words I would never forget.

“Le amaré al extremo amargo…”

I knew what you meant, for some reason it was utterly beautiful, filled me utter peace and joy as I let my release wash through me, washing away the filth and filling me with cleanliness, making me feel alive for once in my life, so very alive.

“Oh Davey…” I gasped one last time, shivering as I felt you fill me, crying my name into the thick air before we slumped down onto your soft comfortable bed.

“I will love you to the bitter end…” I breathed when the silence had settled and we both felt perfect, whole.

I saw you smiled out the corner of my eyes, you lips coming to press against my cheek lightly as you stroked my sweat-matted hair.

“I could think of nothing sweeter and more truthful to say to you Quinn.” You murmured softly, nuzzling my skin. “It seemed such a perfect thing to tell you, instead of good bye.”

“That’s because good bye would mean the end and we both pray for something different.” I pointed out sighing softly and turning my head to look at you. “But we both know I have to go now.”

You nodded, your eyes sad and lost, and for a moment I felt as if I was looking into my own eyes. I cupped your cheek and offered you a small sad smile, telling you silently, that all was not lost, that you still owned my heart, that I was still yours even if I was in the arms of someone else. You understood, I saw it there in your eyes, your arms snaking around my body to hold me close, to protect me once against from the cruel world we were so desperately trying to fight against.

“Stay with me until I fall asleep.” You whispered kissing my temples. “I can’t bare to watch you leave me.”

“I’ll stay.” I whispered resting my head against your chest, sighing softly. “I will not leave you yet.”

You seemed pleased with my promise, comforted by it as your embrace comforted me. But we both knew that eventually I would have to leave you, that when you woke up I would no longer be there for you to protect but in the grip of the man I was slowly growing to hate. But I would not jeopardise what you and your Jade had, not anymore than I had, for your happiness I would sacrifice my own, by going back to Jamie, going back to my misery and pain and punishment. I know it seems sad, but this one glimmer of happiness that you have shown me had left me with something to remember on the cold lonely nights and even though I may never experience such true happiness again and at you could have the satisfaction of knowing I belonged to you.

And no one could take that away.

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Okay my Spanish may be completely off, I tried though and yeah if it is wrong I apologise.