Regrets

As I lie here inside myself

I wonder why I did it

What could get me down so bad

To want to take my life

But then the voices come again

The memories one by one

And when I look

I see the scars

A voice to every one

This one, my mother

“I wish you’d never been born”

This one, my boyfriend

“It’s over, I never even liked you”

And on and on and on they go

For every time my heart’s been torn

As I lie here with my memories

The hurt begins to fade

And then I begin to think

Of my long gone dad

He never called

My mother drank

I didn’t know what to do

By now my throbbing pulse

Is starting to slow down

I’m lying in a pool of blood

In hopes and fears I’ll drown

I had to do it

don’t you see?

To purge myself of hate and fear

To run away, escape this world

And everything it means

After all,what’s life worth living

When all it means is pain?

But then I start to see the times

When you were there for me

The greatest friend I’ll ever have

Who cared with all her heart.

Then I start to wonder

What will you think of me?

Please don’t blame yourself,

It’s really not your fault.

It was my choice to make,

There was nothing you could do.

And as I lay here dying,

There is just one thing I wish.

I wish that I could see you now

And maybe hear your voice

To tell you what you meant to me

And why I made this choice.

I hope that you’ll remember me

And the times we had with joy

As my life ebbs away

I start to wish I hadn’t.

But it’s too late

to go back now

My choice is set in stone.

The one I made

Two years ago

When I found that shiny blade.

The scars you’ll find

Will testify

This wasn’t the first time.

But I assure you as I fade

That this will be the last.