Dream # 1

"Leave me Alone, LEAVE ME ALONE!" I'm falling, screaming. I can hear it in my mind, but no sound splits the heart rendering silence. I'm not scared, no, I never have nightmares. I'm just numb. Always numb. And fucking tired of her constant bullshit. "Leave me alone!"

I'm in a dollhouse, sitting on a wooden couch, next to a plastic TV and a rug made of a scrap of pink paper. My skin feels like rubber, my hair made of string. I'm watching two dolls, me and my mom. She's yelling. I'm silent, vacant. Already I've retreated inside myself, striving for the shelter of my mind. "You're a little brat! Just run away already" My heart throbs in my empty doll chest. I love her, I hate her. And as I sit there, I wonder if that's what makes passion fiery, love and hate. Suddenly im screaming, but this time it cuts through the still hair, shattering the silence, stopping time.

"FUCK YOU!"

Dream # 2

(Changing the name for the sake of privacy)

Jack and I were on a dock, just drinking and laughing. The moon shone down on us, lighting up our flushed faces. Suddenly we were standing up, and he grabbed me around the waist and threw me into the deep black water. Totally confused, I started rolling on the bottom of the lake, and I couldn't stop. It was like my body was being pulled forward by some magnificent force that wanted to highjack my body. Finally, I stopped and woozily I tried to swim to the surface, but I was too shaken and dizzy from the liquor and the rolling, and I kept getting turned around. Finally, I ran out of air and drowned. Then I was lying in the sand at the bottom of the lake, gazing up through the flickering water at the full moon. It cried down on me, weeping for the beauty of death. When I turned my head, Jack was lying next to me, and his hand took mine. He didn't look at me, but stared up at the moon, as if it held some secret with it. Then a whisper echoed in the murky depths, "Life is an illusion, and every creature on earth dies alone." And I understood him, because the thought of not understanding, made me too frustrated with myself. After a moment, he was pulling me onto the dock, soaking wet, and his eyes magnetic with anticipation. I guess I was dead, because I lay completely still, and the look on his face told me I was no longer with the living. Jack just sat next to me, looked at the rippling water, and said once again, "Every creature dies alone". Then, with shaking fingertips, he gently closed my eyes, and I woke up.