The Truth behind the Giant Gas Planet

Yes, most people think they know all about the sixth planet in our solar system. They have it totally wrong. Saturn wasn’t at all what it appears to be now. In fact all we’re seeing in Saturn now is a thing of the past. Well that’s true for two reasons. The first one would be that I blew it up, but there’s another more “scientific” reason. Ha.

The sparkling stars you see took a long time to reach here. To put it laymen terms, that isn’t the same star you’re seeing right now. That starlight usually travels to earth in light years. A light-year, 5,878,171,478,565.179 miles, is the distance that shiny bright light travels in an earth year. Some of the illuminating light from those stars have been traveling for like billions of light-years, before ever reaching our puny insignificant planet.

So what that means is that we could really only be seeing the Saturn of the past. Even though we’ve sent out probes and satellites to Saturn doesn’t really prove anything. I think really it was all a cover up to hide the fact that there are aliens. Show these earthlings some rocks, ice crystals, maybe a computer generated storm and they’re happy. No questions asked; except those very few—and very lonely—believers.

Truthfully there is gas on the planet Saturn, but how it got there is the real secret behind Saturn. Also, did you ever wonder where it got those mesmerizing rings? To know this, you must know the history of Saturn, the true history. Not some garbage a scientist made up to get some overdue credit. I have the real story. I have the real history, before the creation of it and all the way to the destruction of it. With Fred’s help, I have almost every detail to be known.

You think me to be some messed up whack job. Listen pal, I ain’t some retired Llama at the funny farm. I am a Genius, and sadly a destroyer of worlds at the same time.

Anyway, for you to fully understand what’s going on, you need to know some simple guidelines while reading this. They may actually help you later on in life. And help me from getting a law suit.

Guidelines

If you’re worried, that only means you’re paying attention.

Breathing is highly overrated.

Don't ask questions you may not want the answer to....

When in danger, when in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.

Nothing in life happens by coincidence…

As it has been said “Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know what you are going to get” Ooooh coconut!

Warning: This story contains traces of nuts…We are not responsible for any mental damage, spontaneous combustion, or paper cuts.

In life it is important to have as many multi-personalities as possible…

Do not poke the bunny.

10. Please ignore all of the above guidelines. The guidelines— in any which way or form— will not help you reading this story. In fact, some of them cannot be counted as guidelines. We are very sorry for this inconvenience.

These are the guidelines. Whether they amount to anything is up to you. Now that we have laid down these guidelines or rules, we will enter the world of the average Saturanian. Not the present daily life of the average Saturanian. Oh no we’re going back—all the way back—to the beginning….