A/N: This past weekend I want to Pitch and Praise, a youth conference, and it was Saturday night, during the 11:00 pm worship service that I suddenly felt the way I do in this poem.... I’m not going to say too much, as I don’t want to give away the poem..... but things are a bit better now...There’s still moments I feel like the way I say I do in the poem.... but this past weekend was amazing... God opened my eyes in so many ways....from exploring different ways of worship...to realizing things in my relationship with Him....to realizing how many ways I angered Him. Regardless, my first intention was to write a song.... as I was inspired by Twigs newest addition to his collection, titled I Give My All, but this poem was what the end result was.

Forgive Me

My arms are lifted high

My eyes upon You

My voice singing praises

My heart calling out to You

But suddenly I feel so fake

Like I have been living a lie

I say I follow You

But suddenly I wonder if I truly am

I feel as if my worship to You

Is nothing more than a show

A way to impress those around me

Make them think that I am an amazing daughter of Christ

But my intimacy with You

Suddenly feels invisible

Like a show for others

A bubble waiting to pop

Great sadness washes over me

I am at first confused

Unsure of why I feel this way

The tears rolls down my cheeks

REPENT screams a voice in my head

But how?

What do I say to You, Lord?

I am fake

Not real

I put You in the basement

Push You from my life

Only let You in when I want to impress someone

When I want to get all righteous

When I want to show others how wonderful You are

I fall to my knees

Sobbing

Crying

Shaking

Torn

Afraid

Shamed

Jesus, forgive me.

I am a fake

I do not know what to say

What you want me to say?

I do not want You to live in my basement

I want You to live alongside me daily

To curl in bed with me at night

Give me a goodnight kiss

A goodnight huge

I want You to wake me up in the morning

Tickle my chin

Make me laugh

Make me smile

I want to know You

Like You know me

I thought we had this sort of relationship

But I have realized how fake I have been

I am unsure of what to say

But forgive me, Lord

Forgive me.