Quantum Mechanics

Yes, he was going to tell her today. He had shed so many tears over her, so many sleepless nights when she had a new boyfriend. His life seemed empty and pointless whenever they were apart.

Yet he had been told by his grandfather that life was quite impermanent. The old man had held his tongue for too long, and had so little time because of his nerves to be with grandmother.

Today is the day, the high school student thought, today I'm going to walk up to her and tell her I love her.

It had begun so many years ago. A glimpse from the across the hall, and he saw her face. Beautiful gold hair and perfect skin, yet modest clothing an good grades. She seemed perfect every day in every way. He had struck up a modest friendship with her, but to her he was a distant acquaintance.

He lived in eternal misery from this fact, until one morning, after hearing his grandfather's warnings; he knew what he had to do. Today is the day... Today is the day... Today is the day... he thought, not noticing the world around him.

As he walked to school that day, he saw her standing near a locker. He walked up to her, and took her by the hand, falling to one knee.

"Lauren... would you... go on a date with me" he said, feeling his innards turn to mush. There was a silence.

"Yes," she said, "I'd love to."

Just then, however, with a blinding flash and a thunderous boom, he exploded in chemical burst, splattering gore across the hallway and severely injuring several students. Lauren survived with only a minor concussion. The police believed he was mentally unstable, and had strapped a bomb to his back and was saying goodbye to his one true love before blowing himself to smithereens. However, had they hired a chemist and a quantum physicist, they would know this to be entirely false.

You see, a small chemical reaction had begun in his lower intestine, where several chemical compounds ingested with food had combined. While alone, these chemicals are not dangerous. However, when mixed, they formed into a highly volatile chemical gas. Due to a minor disorder of the small intestine, the compound was sent into his stomach, where it further mixed with stomach acid, creating an even more volatile substance.

When he fell on his knee, he inadvertently swallowed some air. It traveled to the stomach, where it set off the gas in a large explosion.

Naturally, the probability of any of this happening is so remote that you need not lose any sleep over it. However, I'd recommend you get organic beef to make sure that none of the chemicals necessary for the volatile compound in question are consumed. Also, get any conditions of the lower intestine checked out.