No one was in the streets, and most of the houses were dark. A huge percentage of the two were standing the in dinning room of the restaurant. Driving through the roads, trying to remember my way to Lucas’ house, I couldn’t help but notice how silent the roads were. Turning a corner—I almost ran into a mailbox—I hoped that I was on Lucas’ road. Every time I had to turn around I lost time. The point of rushing out of my mother’s party was to find Lucas was to not waste any time. Realizing I had hit a dead end—again—I pulled into an empty drive way, and turned around.

My cell phone was sitting in the passenger seat, along with my shoes. I had thrown both there after two minutes. A loud ring filled the car, and I immediately pulled over. Checking to make sure the doors were locked—I was lost, alone, and not in the mood for strangers—I answered. “Hello?”

“Where are you?” It was Riley.

I looked around, “Somewhere in Dalkery.” Peering through the dark, I tried to read the street sign, “Carlton Road,” It looked like that, but god knew where I actually was. If someone told me I was driving through an entirely different town, it wouldn’t have surprised me in the least.

“That’s down by the dock,” she told me, and I tried to locate the docks. Maybe if I found them I could have made my way to Lucas’ and try to figure out what came next. The next step—figuring out what to say—came after I saw his face. “Have you found them?” Riley asked, sounding impatient. I wondered if she was on her own phone, or talking on the payphone. In the background, I could hear the chattering of people. Mom’s party was obviously still in full swing. “Bailey.”

Sighing, I leaned my head against the steering wheel, “I have no idea where I am.” There were tears welling up in my eyes, a strange moment. Pulling the car from where it was parked, I started down the road. This SUV may have been bigger than some of the houses around here, but I didn’t want to spend the night in some unknown neighborhood. Dalkery was a small town, but it was easy to get lost in. I was really glad I didn’t have my old car. I would have ended up breaking down in the middle of no where. I’d been there before, and it didn’t end well.

“Find the docks yet?” Riley asked. I was holding the phone between my chin and my shoulder, both hands on the steering wheel. I could feel the phone slipping, about to fall towards the floor. Adjusting it with my head, it felt comfortable again. If it did fall, my night was not going to go well, “Bailey, come on, talk to me.”

I looked around. There was neither water nor docks located near me. In fact, the road I was now traveling on was long, with the houses spaced out. “No.” I told her, looking around with my eyes. “Shit,” Grabbing the phone, I pulled it over to the other ear, “I’m on the highway.” I explained.

“You must have taken the wrong right.”

“You didn’t tell me to take a right.” I sighed.

“Oops.”

The road was narrow, and had this been another car I would have easily done a U-turn. Unfortunately this car was oversized and heavy, and so I just kept driving. “This sucks,” I complained, still holding the phone with my chin. “I mean, by the time I actually find a place to turn around,” I drove past a garage which was way too dark. “Lucas could be off finding another girl.” Why was it I was so dedicated to finding him? Everything was fine the other day. It must have been the fact he wasn’t at the party. It made me feel strange. Passing another dimly lit garage, I let out a sigh. They would have been fine under normal circumstances, but something was keeping me driving.

“Where are you?” Riley asked.

The lights caught my eye before anything else. The familiar flashing sign drew me to it. Maybe all this time, that was what I had been driving towards. The car didn’t know the drive, but my heart did. “I got to go Rye,” Taking a steep turn, I found a parking space, “I have something I need to do.”

“Are you at Lucas’?” she asked, confused.

“I’ll call you later, okay?”

As I hung up the phone, I could hear her asking what was going on. She was as confused as I was. Pulling my shoes from the passenger side of the car, I slipped them back on my feet. I remembered the first time I had traveled here, with Lucas. Now suddenly, I was going again.

The parking lot wasn’t nearly as crowded as the day we had gone there. Then, it seemed like everyone was out for coffee. Tonight, the place seemed still and quiet. Sitting in the car, I waited for a sign. I was all dressed up, ready to go. But I needed a sign before I took my first strides. Shifting my attention to the radio, I flipped it on. Frank Sinatra’s dreamy voice filled the car, and my head. “Fly me to the moon,” he sang with whispery charm, “Let me play among the stars. Let me see what spring is like on Jupiter and Mars.” Before Lucas, I never would have waited for a certain song—a sign—but something had come over me. Grabbing my purse, I climbed out of the car, walking towards the doors. The first time Lucas brought me here was still very much on my mind.

What was I even doing here?

I had no clue if he would be here. His mother had said he was at home with his sister. I could picture them sitting around the coffee table, playing board games. Yet I was ten minutes away, walking into a dark and smoky coffee shop. My feet clacked against the tile flooring as I looked around. Frank serenaded from the jukebox. And then I saw him, tucked away in a corner booth. The second I saw his hat pulled down over his face, I knew it was him. He looked lost in his own thoughts, and I wondered for a second what I was even doing there. Walking across the floor, I stood above him.

“I told you,” he didn’t look up, “I don’t want anything.”

Breath, I told myself, “I wasn’t here to ask.”

Looking up from his swirling hot water, he looked shocked to see me standing there. “Bailey,” as he spoke, I removed his hat, putting it over my professionally done hair. “What are you doing here? And in a dress even,” there was a pause, “I thought you mother’s big hoopla was tonight.”

“It is,” Sliding into the chair across from him, I took a sip from his tea, “But you weren’t there, and I just really had to see you.” Taking his hand, I squeezed it tightly.

He looked up, “And how did you know I was here?”

“I didn’t.”

A smile crept on his lips, and I wanted so badly to kiss them. I was overcome with wanting to express emotion. Something had hit me; cupid and his arrows had come late. I thought it was just the spring that brought out lovey-dovey feelings like this. This girl was so different from who I usually felt like. It would have been nice for someone from school to catch a glimpse of me; they wouldn’t recognize me.

“You mom said you were with you sister.” It finally occurred to me, “What are you doing all the way out here?”

He paused, “I had to get out. I just couldn’t…” his voice trailed off, “It’s nothing.” The secretive side of him came out once again. Since the day I had met him, it had been there.

“Is everything okay?” Removing the hat, I tried to show him I cared. No matter what, I wanted to make this work. There was always the possibility of slipping back into my pervious form. As much as I didn’t want to go back there, I knew I always could. When you lived your life a certain way for so long, you could always go back there. I squeezed his hand, “You know, you can tell me anything.” Was I talking to him, or pretending he was talking to me.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

“Uh, okay.”

The air, still this late into the evening, felt hot and sticky. I looked around, trying to locate the familiar shape of his car. “I didn’t bring it,” he answered, reading my thoughts. Even before he asked, he knew the answer to the next question, “I hitched a ride here. I wasn’t in the mood for driving.” Unlocking the SUV, he jumped in the passenger side.

“So where do you want to go?” I asked, trying not to run into a parked car. That wouldn’t have made this night better. And I was well aware my mother was going to murder me if there was even a scratch on her car.

“I want to show you something.”

Taking a turn, I glanced in his direction. “Show me what?”

Leaning forward, he pointed for me. “Just drive to my house.” I wasn’t sure if he was angry with me for crashing his solo party, or if he was dedicated to showing me something. His brow was furrowed, and I could tell that something was going on with him. Something was on his mind, plaguing him. As much as I wanted to invade his mind and find out what, I remained quiet. Listening to his correct directions, we made it to his house in record time.

“Come on,” he said, his hand in mine, walking towards the front door. The only part of his house I had even seen was the basement—his bedroom—and I wondered what the rest of it was like. Pausing in front of the door, he seemed pained. “You ready for this?”

“Of course I am. Why wouldn’t I be?”

Opening the door, he was the first to step through. I followed behind him. The second we stepped into the living room, I stepped back, a little shocked. The living room had been transformed into a mock hospital room. Lying in the bed, hooked up to an IV, was Lucas’ sister, watching the television. Her eyes immediately darted to her brother the second he walked into the room. “Can you believe this,” she started, “they’re having a Friends Marathon,” she noticed me standing behind Lucas, tightly grasping his hand. “Oh, hey!” She said cheerily. It seemed strange to me to see that much light coming from such a small, sick looking, person.

“Bailey,” Lucas started, “this is my sister Melody.”

I smiled, “Hi.”

“Where is Mrs. Johnson?” Lucas asked, looking into the kitchen. I assumed she was whoever Lucas had left to look after his sister. A neighbor, or something.

Melody laughed, full body laugh you would have thought belonged on a girl twice her side. “Oh, I sent her home an hour ago.” Lucas’ face darkened, “Don’t get mad at me, it wasn’t like she was doing anything. I much rather would have been alone.”

“Melody…” Lucas sighed, “You know you’re not supposed to be by yourself, what if something happened.”

Shrugging her shoulders, she turned her attention to me. “I’m glad that you took my advice.” At first, I didn’t understand what she was talking about. And then I remembered back to the bathroom of the restaurant. “I’m glad.” Looking over at Lucas, he asked me ‘what advice’ with his eyes. “Lucas won’t admit it,” she started again, clicking the television off, “But he really loves you.” My eyes darted to her, and she giggled slightly.

“Melody,” Lucas warned.

“Sorry,” She was chatty and giggly, like the girls I went to high school with. “You look really pretty, how was the party?” She asked questions, but kept going so it was hard to answer, “I really wanted to go, but this kept me back.” She held up her arm, showing off the IV. “I guess it just didn’t go with my dancing shoes.” I knew that it wasn’t a funny subject, but I couldn’t help laughing at her joke. My eyes darted around the room, looking at all the medical equipment. “You know,” she started, “You guys should probably go off and catch up.”

Lucas stood up straight, looking like a protective older brother. “Are you really sure?”

She nodded, “Yes. Now go. I have some Friends to catch up on.”

Kissing her on the forehead, he stepped back, “If you need anything, and I mean anything, call okay? If mom finds out you were trying to make your own toast again, she’s going to murder me.”

The two of us made our way through his house, towards the basement door. He paused at the top of the stairs once as the laugh-track rang out. And then we made our way down into the basement.

Sitting on his bed, he tossed a water bottle in my direction. “So,” I started, feeling a smile crossing my lips, “You love me?”

“My sister talks too much.” He sighed.

“It’s cute,” I smiled, leaning my head on her shoulder. “But you didn’t answer me,” had this been the reason I had been trying to find him. To find out how he felt. I looked up into his eyes, feeling the butterflies urging me on. “You love me?”

He nodded, “Yes, I really think I do.”

Holding me closely, we leaned back against the bed, his arms around my neck and my fingertips brazing his shoulder. My dress was curled around my legs and my shoes had been kicked off long ago.

“Can I ask you a question?” I whispered.

He paused, reading my mind again. “What’s wrong with Melody?” I nodded. “It’s a heart condition,” he explained, “I don’t know what it’s called. I never really cared to find out. She was fine, and then one day she passed out at school, and by the time they got her to the hospital she was blue. I guess it’s something about blood not pumping properly.” Pausing, he took a deep inhale. I watched him explain everything. Tensely, he continued. “The doctors explained everything in the hospital. At least,” he paused again, leaning back against the mattress, “They explained everything to my parents. I kind of ran out of there and left for a couple days. I slept anywhere I could find a place. When I finally returned home, I had this.” He lifted up his shirt, displaying his tattoo again.

My fingers grazed it. I didn’t know what to say. “Wow.”

“Yeah,” he let out a small laugh, his hand touching mine. “Then she had to go through all these procedures and stuff, to correct it. Something was supposed to work.” He chocked up slightly, tears welling in his eyes. I couldn’t believe this was his life he was telling me about. It didn’t seem real. “But they said it was too late, that the muscle is too damaged.” I wiped away one of the tears that fell down his cheek. “So we came here,” he explained, “because she could have a chance at being a normal kid. And live out her last couple months.” I couldn’t even believe what he was telling me. Melody looked so vibrant, so full of life. Even sitting in the hospital bed, she glowed like flowers. He leaned his head in against mine. “I mean, she could still get a transplant, but even if she does there is no guarantee that she'll go back to normal,” he paused, “I never knew someone could be so brave.”

I squeezed his hand, “She’s not the only one.”

Nuzzling in against his neck, I kissed him. The house was silent—except for the laughter coming from Friends upstairs—and I could hear Lucas’ heavy breathing. When I had left the party, I didn’t know what I was searching for. There was so much on my mind, and I didn’t have any answers. I realized now what I wanted was another “us” moment. Lying in his arms, feeling his breath on my cheek. There was something about his movements, the way he knew exactly how to touch me, the way his kisses made me feel. I didn’t know what it was like to have someone standing beside me, holding me tightly. I just knew that no matter what the future brought, I wanted him there beside me.

“Lucas?” I started.

He opened his eyes, looking up into my own, “Yeah?”

“I love you.”

Smiling, he kissed my shoulder. “I love you…” there was a long pause, and then, “more.” I didn’t try to argue with him, the silence of the moment was too beautiful to mess with. Besides, it didn’t matter if he loved me more, or loved me less. The only thing that really matter to me was that he loved me. Plain and simple.

Lying there together, in each others arms, I started to think. Maybe nothing ever really ended. I had been thinking that my life was a constant cycle of downs, followed by more downs. But, maybe the downs were just the in-between, and really I was coming back to where I had started. I had been so scared of forever being the scary drunk girl that everyone saw in the hopes of sleeping with. I had never been anything more than a break between drunken cheerleaders, and the good girls that they wanted to end up with. Now, I was something more, or maybe I was nothing at all. I didn’t know, and I liked that; my life was full of mystery, just like it had been since the night that Lucas had crept out of the shadows. Without him, I never would have discovered this new path, this new place. All this time I had been trying to figure out who I was, and never realizing that maybe I was just Bailey, no second definitions.

It was just beginning, of something that I would never really be able to explain, and that felt wonderful. All my life I wanted to figure things out, to find the right words. But maybe life wasn’t about set definitions, set words, set endings. Maybe, there wasn’t a definite ending, just moments that would cycle. I smiled thinking of this. I knew now that everything happened for a reason, even if in the past I couldn’t see that. Everything was going to be okay, and I would be a stronger person. No matter if I couldn’t see that at the moment, in the end, I would be a stronger person.

And in those moments, when I didn’t see it, and I doubted everything, Lucas would remind me of the things I could see. With his hand outstretched and Frank on the Radio, he would take me to that place I forgot about. Finally, I wasn’t just the Bailey Addison that everyone, for so long, had told me I was. Now, I was a girl that no one could define. Words couldn’t hold me down. I was free to be who I wanted, and who I never thought it could be. It had been a long journey, strange, but finally I saw what I should have known all along. And all it took was one song, one dance, one boy showing me the things I already knew, but never believed.

THE END