SHOW DON’T TELL :: “SHE WAS ANGRY”

Her hand shakily twisted the brass doorknob, and swung the door open, but out of rage, she blindly hit herself in the head with the heavily painted white door. She swore loudly, and rubbed her head while walking in her room. She slammed the door shut behind her, sat down on her cold hard chair, and tore out every page from her old used notebook. They were filled with notes passed in class between her best friend, Jess, and herself, Xing-Xing. Each page was ripped into pieces, and then thrown carelessly around the trashcan. She threw her heavy backpack as hard as she could, and it knocked over the table by her bed. There was a crash, and broken shards of glass from a lamp flew across the wooden floor. She didn’t care. Instead, she picked up one of the sharp pieces, and cut herself deeply into the arm. She gasped as drops of deep red blood tricked onto her black carpet, but she was satisfied with the pain.

After a few seconds, the pain grew, almost to the point where she could hardly bear it. She only needed it for a few seconds, to bring her back to reality, but it only added on to all the angry thoughts that swirled in her head. She fell faint, and stumbled along the wall to the bathroom. She wrapped her arm in the towel and kneeled on the green tiled floor crying. Crying like she never had before. Tears of sadness and anger washed her feelings raw.

She was swimming in he own emotions. There’s no one home to hear her cry. There’s no one home to hurt her, to slap or beat her. Marks been drawn across her back with a whip every time she displeased her strict Chinese father. She never told anyone, not even her best friend, who had left her so alone today. Her best friend was her only friend, and her only joy in life. Her father was across the country, and her American mother died only a year ago from cancer. She was safe, but it wasn’t the most important thing. Xing-Xing remembered every vivid detail. The scene played again and again in her mind…

Xing-Xing had ran into the girls bathroom in school to look for Jess, who was missing after an embarrassing scene. There was blood on the wall and a quick sloppy message written in pen on the wall. “Xing, i luv u much, n i really hope my last wish 2 be granted. Now that i passed away, i hope everyone who talks bout me, wont mention how they hate me, how stupid i am- but say how they are sry the never knew the me that u know. i’m so sry i leave u in such time, but i lived in hell, and i couldn’t stand it. Luv, Jess” Xing-Xing had looked down, saw pools of blood, a knife, and a familiar, still body. She had screamed, and ran out of the building, her vision blurred with tears. Her friend never even did anything bad. Everyone just hated her, but why? She never did anything to them, so why are they doing things to hurt her?

She beat her un-wounded hand on the floor besides her, and then brought her hand to face, the hand soon wet by tears. There was nothing more to live for. No one in her house loved her, and she had no more friends. She was crying. Crying for her friend, for herself, for everyone else who suffered like her. She cried because she loathed life, because it treated her unfairly. It was all a nightmare, but she couldn’t wake up. She couldn’t wake up