I Deserve It

I lie here, cold and unwaking, waiting for my wondrous past to over come my dark future. Maybe it was all a dream, but… maybe not. Maybe it was real, and everything in between, that was a lie. I'm so confused, but I can't gather my thoughts, paths twisting and writhing before it, I don't know where to turn or who to turn to. Everyone's leading me different directions, and I don't know who to follow.

I want gather my wings and fly, free for the sky to do with me as it pleases, but my wings are broken. I can't push myself from the ground, but there's no one there to help me. I'm alone in the world and it closes in on my, suffocating me, leaving me with nothing left to give, nothing left to lose.

I was told everything would be ok, and I was told to shut my mind from the dark things lurking in the corners. I'm going insane. I cry when I'm happy and laugh when I'm sad. I'm on the brink of insanity, and no one's there to pull me from the edge, to stop me from falling. My world has grown dark and shattered to pieces.

Shattered

Crumbled

Broken

All these words rattle around inside my head, I'm left with so much responsibility and I can't handle it. Everything thinks I'm so together, when I'm crumbling under the surface. Falling to pieces and searching for a savior I'll never find.

No matter where I go, what I say, it's always wrong, horrible. I try to search for the light, but it can't be found. It's lost underneath a veil of darkness, never to breathe again. I spare wistful glances in every direction, longing for each one, knowing I can only choose one.

There's nowhere to go and I can't reach my sanctuary. I'm drowning, I'm suffocating, I have a knife being cut into my flesh, and each time a die, a memory fades away. I search for the lost memories, reminiscing for what I've lost. The thing that can't ever be found, but it's no use, no use at all. I can't handle everything that passes by.

All the world's burdens are placed on my back, and I sink into the dark abyss which lies beneath me, and no one's there to save.

But when I die, will anyone miss me?

Tearing at my mind, ripping at my soul, every thought is a newly found torture to bring me closer and closer to insanity. I'm ready to rip my heart out, I'm ready to die. Eternal life, I may be condemned, but no matter what becomes of me, I deserve it.

A/N: I was confused when I wrote this, two different groups of friends tearing me two different ways. I know now which path to choose, and there is no turning back. Plz review.