Teen Angst

As she glanced down at her wrists, and she tried to sort out what had brought her to this. Everything had happened so fast. She couldn't even remember everything that happened. She closed her eyes and tried to remember the events of the past week. Every painful memory rushed back to her. All of the cruel and hateful words. She never ever thought it would come down to this. She opened her eyes and saw that the bleeding had not stopped, but had become worse. She got up and rushed to the bathroom and grabbed a small towel and held it to her wrist. The razor blade still in her hand, she began to cry. Why does everyone have to be so cruel to her? Acting as if their words didn't hurt worked to fool everyone else, but it did not fool her. She knew the truth. Every single one of their cruel words stung. She knew she let their words hurt often, too often. All of the things that had happened...she didn't understand any of them.

One Week Earlier

A young girl, dressed all in black, walked through the halls of the school. Her peers giving her dirty looks as she walked by them, but she just glared back at them. As she turned the corner, it was as if everything got brighter. She saw her friend, Eien, walking towards her. He smiled as he saw her, and she returned it with a smile.

"Hey Casey."

"Hey." She tried to hide her happiness to see him, but she knew by the look on his face, that he knew. He knew that she liked him.

Some people walked by them, and like everyone else, glared at Casey. She didn't understand why they hate her so. She just stared at the ground. Eien put his arm around her.

"Hey, don't let those bitches get to you. They don't matter. The only ones who matter are your real friends and you." He hugged her and held her tight in his arms. Eien was the only person who ever made Casey feel loved. He moved away and smiled at her. She gave him a weak smile back.

They walked to lunch together. Eien tried to cheer her up, but gave up when she wouldn't even smile. She was lost in a world of darkness. When they got to the cafeteria, Eien went to sit with his other friends, and Casey did the same.

She didn't get lunch, and she didn't talk to her friends. As she walked outside with the other 8th graders, she didn't even shiver when the cold winter breeze hit her face. She sat on the wall, still in her own little world. Suddenly, she felt someone put a hand on her shoulder. It was her friend Morgan.

"You alright?"

"Yeah...I'll be fine." She tried to convince herself that she'd be fine. The truth is, one of the girls that had hurt her in the hallway used to be one of her best friends. She couldn't even remember what she did.

"Listen, whatever it is, who ever fucked with you, you can't let them see you like this. Come on, let's go watch the boys play basketball. You know you want to."

She did want to, but going over there meant she had to go over to most of the people who hated her.

"Nah...I'll just hang out here, you go. Thanks though."

Morgan shrugged and walked away. Casey felt tears falling from her eyes. She wiped them away and put her head down and waited for the teachers to tell the students to go inside.

Casey sat through the rest of her classes trying not to scream at the top of her lungs. When she was on the bus, she didn't even bother to listen to the conversation her best friend was trying to have with her. When she got off the bus, she went straight home instead of lingering around at the bus stop. She went straight into her room once she got home and blared music. She rolled up the sleeves on her shirt and examined the lingering scars on her wrists and fore arms. Each scar was made by her, and not by accident. Casey could feel the tears coming so she just got up and went over to her painting. The painting was of a girl sitting on a chair, in a dark room, alone. The girl was her. It still needed a few more details to be done. She got out her paints and brushes and began painting.

After hours of painting, the painting was complete. She added a window to the painting, where a single ray of light shone in. The ray of light represented Eien. Eien was her ray of light.

While inspecting her work, she heard a knock on her door. "Casey? It's mom honey. Can I come in?"

Casey rolled her eyes. "Yeah."

Her mother walked in, and before being in the room for a matter of seconds, turned down her music.

"Did you do your homework?"

"Yes mother. And before you ask, I did my chores too."

"Okay. New painting?"

"Yes, want to see it?" Her mother nodded and walked over.

"Wow, that’s really good. You must get it your artistic skills from your brother."

Her brother. Oh how Casey missed him. He lived in North Carolina, and Casey lived in good ole Massachusetts. Stranded in a home with her mother, father, and psycho sister. Her brother was the only one that really understood Casey.

"Hey, I'm going to go for a walk."

"But it's 30 degrees out and it's going to be dark soon."

"I don't care." She grabbed her sweatshirt and walked out of the room. She walked outside into the cold winter air and just walked away from her house. She walked down her street, then done another. She just kept on walking. She didn't care where she ended up. The memories of her painful day still stung. A single tear fell from her eyes. It started getting darker, and colder, so Casey turned around to start walking home.

By the time she got home, her parents had gone out. There was a pizza on the table. She grabbed a slice and went into her room. Her dirty laundry was gone. Her mother must've been bored. She slumped down onto her bed and turned on her T.V. Nothing was on, as usual. She turned off the TV and looked at her clock. 7:00. Her parents probably won't be home for another 3 hours at least. She got up and went out to the living room and plopped down onto the couch. She decided to watch a movie. She got in and put her favorite movie in the DVD player. She lay down on the couch. By 8:00 she was sound asleep.

Casey awoke the next morning in her room. Did her father bring her in here or did she walk in here half asleep? Who knows? Casey didn't care. She got up to take a shower. She was only in there for about 5 minutes when her sister started banging on the door.

"Hurry up. Other people live here to ya know!"

"Shut up. I've only been in here for five minutes!"

Casey got in the shower and washed the filth of the world away. The hot water was soothing to her. After about 15 minutes she finally got out and blow dried her hair. She got dressed in baggy black pants and a black t-shirt. She did her make-up in the same dark colors. She looked in the floor length mirror and sighed.

"This is as good as it's going to get."

She walked out of the bathroom and saw her sister glaring at her. She glared back and walked into the kitchen. It was almost 7:00. She grabbed her backpack and left for the bus stop.

It was freezing outside. Casey shivered as she walked up the street. Her father drove by and beeped at her. Of course he didn't think to stop and give her a ride. What a great father. She rolled her eyes and kept walking.

When she finally arrived at school, none of her friends were to be seen.

"Perfect." Casey thought to herself as she scanned the giant group of people.” Now I really do look like I have no friends."

The girl walked over to a wall, and like usual, was given dirty looks and snide remarks were said about her. Casey just looked down and tried to ignore them. By the time the students were going into the building, Casey found a few of her friends. There was no sign of Eien though.

All morning, Casey thought she was going to either fall asleep or cry. She just wanted to run out of the school and never go back.

Casey walked to lunch alone. When she got to the cafeteria, she looked for Eien, but he wasn't there.

"Casey!" The call came from behind her. It was Eien. A smile crept across her face and she walked towards him. He said hi by giving her a hug.

"Dude, where were you this morning?"

"I got here late. How's your day been?"

"Oh same old stuff..."Casey's voice trailed off. She looked into Eien's eyes. She wanted to tell him everything. How she felt about him, and about her painting. But she couldn't. She wanted to tell him so badly. She wanted to tell him.

For the rest of the day Casey regretted not telling Eien. What if she never told him? Will he never knows how she really feels? Thinking about this only made Casey even more depressed.

On the bus, Morgan tried to cheer up Casey. She failed miserably though. Casey was back in her world of darkness, and nothing would shake it off.

When Casey got home, her mother was already there. She was sitting at the kitchen table, as if she were waiting for Casey to come home. Casey tried to just walk by her to get to her room, but her mother stopped her.

"Casey sit down. I got a call from one of your teachers today."

Casey rolled her eyes and sat down in a chair. "Have an interesting conversation?"

"I'm serious Casey. What's with you lately? You've been treating me like dirt, you're always yelling at your sister, and now your grades."

"I treat YOU like dirt?" She was shocked. If anyone was treated like dirt, it was Casey, not her mother.

"Yes you do. And you know...oh never mind."

"No what were going to say mother? That I'm not supposed to be alive? Huh! Is that what you were going to say? I heard you talking to Marie. I know what you said. You said that I'm not supposed to be here mom. I heard you."

Casey got up and ran from the room. She ran to her room and locked the door and turned on her stereo. She blared the music so loudly. Casey buried her face in her pillow and began crying. Her mother hated her, her sister hated her, her father doesn't give a shit, and her peers all hate her.

Casey wanted to run away. She wanted to get far away from her home, never to go back.

When it was time for dinner, Casey didn't go to eat. She stayed in her room, still crying.

"Why aren't I dead? Why did I have to live? Why?" Casey fell asleep crying.

Casey didn't go to school the next day. Her mother believed her when she said she didn't feel well. All Casey did that day was sit around and watch TV.

"Everyone probably thinks I'm dead. They're probably all happy without me at school."

Around 3:00 Eien called.

"I just wanted to make sure you were okay. Morgan told me you were pretty miserable on the bus yesterday, and since you weren't at school today, well I got worried."

"Thanks for caring."

"Well you're my friend. Of course I care."

"How many people think I'm dead?"

"Who knows? A few people came up to me and were like 'Think she killed herself?' "

Casey couldn't help but laugh.

The next day at school was when things took a turn for the worse. It was the day Casey would get her report card. Things started out okay, and Casey thought she'd actually have a good day. That is, until she looked at her report card. An F graced her report card. An F! Casey couldn't handle it. She broke down. She completely lost it. Firmly in place, Casey wouldn't move from the ground. She just cried and cried. Morgan tried to help her, but Casey just ignored her. Casey didn't move until a thought went through her brain. She got up and walked straight to the bathroom and went into one of the stalls. She took a safety pin from her pocket and started cutting. It hurt so much to do it with the safety pin that Casey couldn't help but stop. She washed the running eyeliner off from under her eyes and walked to her locker to get her things.

While Casey was at her locker, Joanna was at hers. Casey tried not to notice her, but unfortunately, Joanna noticed her.

"Casey, why don't you do the world a favor and kill yourself. You know no one wants you here. Not even Eien." Casey tried to ignore her. Joanna was the same girl hurt her the other day. Her old best friend. Casey just stared into her locker and tried not to cry. But it was too hard. "Stop lying to yourself Casey. Everyone knows you like Eien. Everyone knows you wish he liked you back. And face it. He never will." The mean girl walked away. Casey slammed her locker shut. Her bus was called only a few moments after.

That night, Casey found herself on the edge of suicide. A razor blade at her wrist. Casey cut. Deeper with every cut. She knew what Joanna said was true. She should just die. Casey looked down at her wrists. The week from hell. It had been so long since she had abused herself in this way. But this time, she wasn't doing it to just bleed. She wanted to die. She deserved to die.

Casey moved the towel from her wrist. She walked out to the kitchen and got the one thing she promised she'd never use. She got a knife. Casey got the knife her mother uses to cut meat with. She held it to her wrist for a moment, then pushed it against her skin, then cut. She slit open her wrists. With little strength she did the same to the other wrist. Weakly, Casey tried to walk back to her bedroom, but collapsed in the hallway.

The next morning, her father walked upstairs to get his and her mother's coffee. When he got in the kitchen, he saw the blood stains on the floor. He followed them to the hallway where he found his daughter. He fell to his knees and held her cold head in his hands. He began to cry. He knew he had lost his youngest daughter. He called for his wife. When she got there, she collapsed next to him and started screaming.
"NO!! CASEY!! NO!! WHY BABY WHY??"

Not knowing what was going on, Marie walked out of her room and saw her sister, dead. She fell to the floor and started crying.

Her father stood up and walked back into the kitchen where the knife was still on the floor. He picked it up and put it in the sink. He walked over to the phone and called 911.

Within an hour, almost everyone in Casey's school knew what happened.

When Eien found out, he died on the inside. He hasn't smiled since. Eien knew that Casey needed help, yet he never did anything to get it for her. All he wanted was to have her there with him so he could hug her again. So he could wrap his arms around her again. He wished there was some way to bring her back. But he knew, there was no way.

Casey never got to celebrate her 15th birthday. She never got to see any of her favorite bands in concert. She never had a boy tell her he loved her. She took her life at the age of 14 before she got to live the life she dreamed of living.

At the girl's funeral, almost all her peers were there. Eien told everyone he was sorry. He should've got her help.

Since the young girl took her life, her peers haven't been the same. Her class hasn't been quite right. There was something missing. Casey.