Beyond the Walls

A person’s philosophies of life are sacred. The bending and twisting nether that is the Cosmos cannot change what a person holds dear. If a power that strong cannot change one person’s mind, how can millions of insignificant humans change someone’s mind? It is easier than one may think. But I must ask whoever reads to remember that this is my mind, my soul, my philosophies. They will be disturbing. They will be different. But please, do not judge me for my choices. I do not judge others for their philosophies. After all, a philosophy is simply an opinion. But to the person who created that philosophy, it is more precious than gold.

Ralph Waldo Emerson said in his essay “Self-Reliance” that “whoso ever would be a man, must be a non-conformist.” I believe in Dr. Emerson’s words, yet I also see people around me screaming about their uniqueness and non-conformity as they follow the “popular pack” off the edge of a cliff. I try to take the idea of non-conformity to a different realm: the realm of society. I view society, while having good qualities, ultimately as a “guideline” for human existence. So many of my friends follow the whim of the masses, spending outrageous amounts of money on the newest “hip” clothing or listen solely to music that is in vogue. It is these people who claim they are different that irk me. Ever since I first witnessed this obsession with following the crowd, I developed my own line of thought. I developed the idea that would become the driving force of my soul: my first Philosophy of Life.

I would remain immune to societal constructs and decide things on my own.

I realize that this statement is one that other people say. But if someone listens closely, the listener can pick out the ideas that follow just what society has mandated. “All black people steal.” “All Asians are good at math.” “Anyone who does not believe in God does drugs and smokes and kills and rapes.” It is assumptions such as these that bring about the problems in the world today. I will have no part in it! There is no reason to judge a human based on age, sex, skin color, sexuality, or religion. The only things worse than the people who spout these judgments are those people who are being judged conform to that standard.

I try to live my life in a way that I believe will have the greatest positive impact on humanity. This purpose often entails holding wildly different viewpoints from the accepted “norm.” I hate that word: norm. The word and the power that resides behind it have been the cause of more deaths than any war. The stresses that are applied to college are a perfect example. Some students are not cut out to be in college. Their minds simply do not work in a way that is effective within the college lifestyle. Yet the American Education System places so much importance on the higher education of college. I hate to inform those people who believe college is the only option, but without the technical schools and those people that do not fit into the college life, there would be no telephone workers, no mechanics, no garbage men, no carpenters. The World relies heavily upon those who did not attend college. If that is so, why do we pressure students in middle and high school to study things to prepare them for college when what they really want to be studying is the electrical properties of zinc wire?

I have digressed a bit on my argument against the pseudo word “norm,” but it proves my point. Just because the masses follow on path does not make it the correct path for everyone, or anyone. I know that my path in life is no where near the path society deems proper. I am seventeen, and I consider myself mildly successful. “How can one be successful at seventeen without owning some multinational corporation?” some might ask. A simple answer exists: the teenager must simply know who he is. I do not measure success like the rest of America: by the amount of money I have. I measure success through my life. Have I stayed true to myself? Have I been fair to those whom I have never met before? Did I let society sway me? Did I buy into some bit of propaganda that I really do not believe in? If I can answer “Yes” to the first two and “No” to the latter, then I know that my day has been complete. I am not an anarchist. I simply believe that every person has a path in life, and none of them are exactly like the person who walked before or the person who shall come behind.

My second guiding factor in life is deemed rather unhealthy, yet I find it necessary. Because I do not conform to the will of the masses, I face a good deal of hatred and anger. “To him that you tell your secret you resign your liberty” is an Anonymous proverb that I have taken to heart. I must keep secrets, even from my closest friends because of the views I hold. My soul has become a controversial thing, consisting of the thoughts that make little girls scream, old women faint, and men blush. I hold my secrecy and sanctity of mind above that of my body, mind, heart, and even soul. My thoughts are my own. I do not need someone telling me that what I think is wrong just because they do not agree with it. So I created my second Philosophy of Life, and adhered to it.

As my second Philosophy, I have created walls around my mind, soul, and heart to protect myself from the scathing remarks of my peers and betters and to protect humanity from ideas that it simply cannot handle now.

I create these walls, knowing that what I hold on the inside is powerful ideas. Religion, hate, war, peace, sexuality, love, death, life, God, and morality all fly in great cacophonies in my mind. The whirling sound often drowns out my rational thought, and I find myself telling my secrets to others. There have been mixed results when this happens. I have been slapped for saying that women scare me. I have been cursed at for saying that organized religion scares me. I have been beaten for saying that I do not agree with our government. I have been shunned for saying I was gay.

These acts all cross my mind now, forming the mortar that stops people from getting in, and my thoughts from getting out. The fears and horrors of what has happened when I speak my mind keep me from doing so again, restricting me in ways a prison never could. I pray for the day when my second philosophy will not be necessary, but it seems that such a time is thousands of years away. Yet I know that I will survive. I have survived society for this long. Is it because of my strength? Is it because of my passion? Is it because of the support my friends give? These are all possibilities, but I think I know the real reason, the only plausible reason. I feed on the negative thoughts my oppressors send my way. I feed on their hated, on their anger, on their fear. All of this negative energy creates their dark soul. That darkened soul gives off energy: a dark karma. It is on this dark karma that I feed.

When I decide on a philosophy, I try to make sure it is one that I can live by. A philosophy of life is not something one strives to achieve; that is a goal. A philosophy of life must be a guiding principle in the life of the subscriber. If people cannot stand by their philosophy, what is the point in having one?