Yellow Bracelet

I don’t remember how long it’s been

I never really understood.

It took me some time

still takes me a lot of time.

It’s all around me, everywhere

I hear it and then remember

the bracelet

yellow

on my left wrist.

We were lucky

and I know you had pain

much pain, and fear.

It never really hit me until

I went in with my parents

to the hospital and you were in ICU.

I wanted to stay with you, but I

couldn’t stand the sight of you lying

there, barely able to smile.

We all joke because that’s how

a Perkins gets through sorrow.

But when I saw you

I couldn’t joke

I just told my mom I had to leave.

They did something wrong

something

that I block out the memory

I can’t stand knowing it

anymore.

You stopped breathing

before or after you were in ICU

but you stopped breathing

just for a moment

and it all hit home

and I cried that night

and I wished I stayed with you

just for a moment longer.

We were lucky

I still remember

how lucky we were.

And through false readings

bring back pain

I remember

waking up every morning

and seeing

the bottles

white and clear orange

holding everything

that keeps you with me.

May 2005