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Kchan: Thank yous and all that at the end of the chapter. An inside look at my own thoughts on love, and what its all really about. Enjoy!
Chapter 10
Epilogue- Love, Hope, Faith
Mikan slowly followed the other students into the church. Everyone was wearing their usual uniforms, but the black blazers and the gray skirts seemed fitting for a service such as this. The morning air was cold, a nice contrast to the dusty heat inside the tall, white church. Mikan sat down in one of the worn, wooden pews next to a few other girls. While they waited for the rest of the students to file in, Mikan scanned the inside of the church.
His eyes rested on Dr. Kiru, who was looking towards the front of the church, at the alter. The tangerine-haired boy's eyes followed the man's and saw what he had been looking at. On the alter were four framed pictures, all glowing sadly from the candlelight around them. The bodies of the victims had been sent back to their families long ago for burial, but they could use the photos just as easily. Mikan wasn't sure he wanted to pass by caskets that held the people he had once known. One picture for each of Sato's victims: Mrs. Kiara, Koto, Ritsuko, and Ritsuko's math teacher (who Mikan later found out was named Ms. Uthridge). He shuddered inwardly. He had come very close to having a framed photo of himself on that alter.
Finally, everyone had settled in and the priest went up by the alter. He was an older man, probably in his late 50's, with very little gray hair left on his head. He had a solemn face naturally, as if he always expected bad things to happen and didn't see the point in being cheery about anything. He cleared his voice and said loud enough for everyone to hear, "Thank you all for coming this morning for the memorial service for the recently deceased. We are all brought here together to mourn the loss of these women, who will never laugh nor cry again. Let us not give hateful thoughts towards that which took their lives from them so soon. Turn your thoughts to them, as they were alive. Remember them, and they will live again there, in our memories. Let us give a small prayer to them so they may reach the Kingdom of God peacefully" he stopped here and bowed his head in a quiet prayer.
All was dead silent. Mikan felt a steady drip of water on his arms, and looked down at them. He looked up at the high ceiling, wondering if there was a leak, and then realized it was his own tears. They were streaming down his face without him even knowing it. He'd been thinking back to when Koto was alive. She had been so warm and friendly. Then when she died there was no warmth left in her: just blank eyes and a body that was cold to touch.
He pushed up one sleeve of his blazer to look at the fresh, red marks on his pale skin. His arms were probably scarred. They had the words "for my Sugar" and oddly enough, "Forgive me" scrawled all over them. "Forgive me"? Somewhere deep inside, had Sato really regretted his actions? Or was it just the ramblings of a madman? Who know? Who would ever know? Mikan knew one thing for sure, even if the scars on his arms did heal, the ones in his mind would never go away, as clichéd as that sounds. He felt like breaking down into sobs right there.
He looked over at Kiru again, really feeling like he was going to cry. They both knew that the boy wasn't going to be the same anymore. Too much had happened to him; he'd seen too much. He would always go to sleep seeing the twisted face of Sato looming before him, or the rivers of blood, or the mocking cuts on his arms. And always, he would wake up and see the same thing. He could never excape it.
And Kiru... ...what would he want with him now? He was a changed person. Would the doctor still want him now? He couldn't just love Mikan anymore, he had to accept everything else that came with him. He'd have to accept the scars, and the sleepless nights screaming in terror. He'd have to deal with the sudden impulses to vomit whenever his thoughts turned to Sato, and the urges to finish what the man started that night. He'd have to deal with the boy trying to slit his own wrists.
If they wanted to continue to be together, they couldn't keep going on the way they had before. They'd actually have to help eachother, through all the pain and scarring. To accept that neither were going away, but also acknowlage that they could ease the pain a little together. To support eachother, physically, mentally, and emotionally. To be there. To accept the faults and looks past them. To understand that people change, and to have the strenght to stay even with all the changes.
...Isn't that what love is?
Love isn't just some silly whim of an equally silly schoolgirl. To truely love somone, one has to take on full responsibility of another person. Its not just about the kisses and such, but more about being there for that other person when they need it most. It might not be the pretty definition of love that one would want, but if one wanted a flowery version of love they could always go read some stupid Hallmark Card about how someone else thinks love is just about kisses to make themselves feel better. Such thoughts spun around Mikan's head and he wondered whether Kiru could really take on that kind of responsibility. Could he really deal with all that? And could Mikan deal with everything about Kiru? The fact that Kiru's ex-lover had almost killed him; that Kiru could have stopped it by getting Sato help earlier on.
The service ended, and Mikan numbly got up from his place on the pew and followed the girls in front of him out of the church. He took one last glance inside the church before he left, looking up towards the cross from which the unmistakable figure of Jesus hung. He silently said a quick prayer, for everyone to have the strength to carry on. Maybe he hadn't completely lost his faith after all.
Outside, he searched the crowds hopefully, desperately. Jade and Akemi walked up to him, asking what was wrong. Dimly, he told them nothing and said he'd meet up with them later. They gave him a strange sidelong glance, knowing that obviously something was wrong, but left him in peace for the time being. He wanted to see Kiru, and didn't want to wait until later to find out the man was just going to ditch him. If they were going to go their seperate ways, so be it. Just get it over with quickly, so maybe it won't hurt as much...
He spotted the blond man a little ways off from the crowd of girls. The boy tentatively walked over to him, now realizing he really didn't want to hear the verdict. He stopped in front of Kiru, looking up into the man's grey eyes tearfully. The man didn't say anything. He did however, hand Mikan a slip of paper. He looked down on it to see numbers and letters arranged on it to look like...
"...A phone number and an address?" Mikan asked shakily, confused.
After a pause, Kiru replied, "Yes, that's my home number and the address for my apartment. I know you see me at school every day, but when school ends, if you ever want to talk I'm ready to listen. I... I know you've been through a lot, and might not want to see me again. If that's the case, that's alright. I just want to let you know that I'm always here for anything, okay?"
Mikan held onto the slip of paper like it was his most prized possession before tucking it away into a pocket in his blazer. "Okay...thanks" he said honestly.
"And, I know we both got of to a bad start..." Kiru continued, "So, if you want, I'd like to start over again. I can't promise it'll be the best relationship ever, but its worth a try, right? I want to be there for you...so can we try again?"
Mikan looked up at Kiru at this. The man shifted nervously, waiting for the boy's answer. If he said no, he'd just walk away and leave it at that, pretending it didn't hurt. He grew even more nervous as seconds passed. The pessimist that he was, he thought for sure the boy would refuse the offer.
Finally, Mikan gave a small smile through the tears that streaked down his face. "Okay, a new start..." he said softly and held out his hand, "Hi, I'm Mikan Kuroshima..."
Other:
rainbowskye-
First reviewer! Thank you so much for sticking with the story and
reading! I always love your comments and what you have to say for the
moment. And while Miko’s Sorrow figured out the killer first, you
figured out exactly why he did it… first! ::Huggles:: Hope
to see you again in future stories!
Mrs. Lancaster –Thank
you for your criticism! No really, if I didn’t have someone to tell
me what was wrong, this story would have probably turned out
horrible! Hope you will come check out future stories as well, as I
will always need a critical eye and a helpful hand.
Miss-Nina-
My email buddy! Thank you for checking this out (after I gave you my
not-so subtle hint to read it! Lol). And yup, Mikan is about as
straight as a pretzel. lol Same with all the male roles in this story.
0o Geez. Good luck on your stories! Lord knows you have so many to keep
up with!
Miko's
Sorrow- The first to guess the correct killer!
::Huggles:: Go you!
Mephistophilis –
Thank you for your cute and upbeat reviews! Always sure to put a
smile on my face!
Silent Death: I'll try to get a pic of Mikan up soon. I have
one drawn, but I'm too lazy to scan it in at the moment! :D Keep checking my
DeviantArt account (its on my bio if you care to look. Just click on my
name at the top of the page).
Well, that’s it for this! But you sure as hell haven’t seen the last of me yet! :D I got plenty of stories just itching to be written! Lol Once again, thank you! Until next time, maties!
.::Kyande::.
