Chapter: 1

It was snowing.

The space between earth and sky was full of ice, a maelstrom hanging in limbo. The blizzard had been growing continually worse with the passing hours, showing no signs of letting up – much less stopping. The storm had begun the night previous and continued into late afternoon the following day.

The houses lining Crescent Street appeared to have been taken straight out of an oil painting depicting Christmas Eve. They must have been warm and cozy inside to look so homey, like gingerbread houses thrust up out of sugar snow.

Yet, beyond these romantics, one quality of the evening pronounced itself with equal fervency: the cold. The biting, freezing cold. The unstoppable, penetrating, biting, freezing cold. The unstoppable, penetrating, freezing, biting, chilling, relentless cold.

The terrible, bone–gnawing cold of winter.

I always have been a complainer, and I’ve never had much love for winter. I suppose I should have gotten used to such weather, having lived in Jersey practically my entire life, but there you have it. During my lifetime I’ve been called a lot of things, but never a “fast learner”.

So there I was, outside my small office on the corner of Union and Crescent, shoveling the snow off my walkway, longing for summer. Of course, in summer I’d have to mow the grass, and that wasn’t much fun either.

You just can’t win when you’re lazy.

It was my most sincere desire to abandon my task and hurry over to one of those little cottages and thaw out by the fire. I longed for a cup of coffee or some hot chocolate, if only to drive out the ice that had surely taken up residence in my belly.

I swore under my breath as I stubbed my toe on the uneven sidewalk. The pavement was hidden beneath nearly a foot and a half of powdery snow, and my boots were old and worn through in several places. Needless to say, my feet were soaked, and I couldn’t feel my toes at all.

Did I still have toes?

God, it’s cold.

There was a minimum of traffic on the road, due to the weather. The roads were steadily becoming impassable, a fact pronounced by the sounds of revving engines and the squeal of tires on ice. The occasional passing vehicle was evidenced only by its headlights, visible as yellow orbs through the clouds of falling snow.

Panting, I leaned on the shovel’s handle for a short break from my expense.

Across the street at the Jacobson residence, two young boys where having the time of their lives, packing snowballs and hurling them at each other mercilessly. A big black dog barked loudly as he chased them back and forth around the yard, wagging his tail happily. His booming barks echoed in the still evening air.

I rubbed my gloved hands together vigorously, and then slapped my face and nose to restore at least a trace of circulation. That was easier said than done, of course, so I gave up almost immediately.

Damn, it’s cold.

Sighing, I hefted the shovel and began scooping up the snow once again. The blade scraped as it met resistance on the hidden sidewalk, a sound I hated almost as much as the cold. But I was almost done: once I had cleared some semblance of a path, I could go inside and watch it fill again.

I really needed to get a TV in the office.

Glancing back at my handiwork, I felt my heart sink. The path I had agonized over was already filling with snow – fast enough that by the time I “finished”, the walkway behind me would have disappeared again.

Freaking blizzard.

The front door to my office burst open suddenly, spewing forth artificial golden light over the snowy front yard. A lone figure stood framed in the doorway, her body silhouetted by the light from inside the office.

“Mr. Stikup!” The voice was like a shot in the stillness – a rifle crack, but warmer and much more pleasant. “You’ve been out here for an hour! Come inside before you catch cold!”

Yes, Ma’am, I thought, shouldering the shovel and wading back through the snow towards the front door. Who cares that no one can get up the front walk? It’s not like I’ll be doing any business any time soon.

Especially not at this time of year.

After propping the shovel against the side of the building, I stamped the snow off my boots and stepped into the warmth of the office, closing the door against the cold.

Jill Fereday was instantly there, helping me pull off my snow–stained overcoat. She hung it on the coat rack and then bent over to help me take off my soaked boots.

I laughed as I kicked off the boots and stamped my bare feet on the wood floor to restore circulation. “Geeze, Jill – I don’t pay you to be a butler, y’know.”

“Huh, that’s funny,” Jill began sarcastically, wringing out my gloves out. “You don’t pay me much for being a secretary either.”

I laughed again. “Touché. Very subtle, there. You don’t have to do this all. Seriously.”

She filled my eyes with a sweet smile, veiling mockery. “I know – I’m just looking for a raise.”

More sarcasm. Was it sarcasm?

Jill unwound the red scarf from around my neck, cutting off any reply I might have made. “I’ll go make you some coffee to warm you up,” she said, draping the scarf overtop of the coat and kicking the dripping boots up against the wall.

“Don’t you want a tip?” I called after her as she headed down the hall to her office space.

“Are you offering?” she asked over her shoulder as she disappeared through the first door on the right.

“Nah – don’t have any ones,” I shot back. “I know you collect those at your other job.”

“Oh, don’t worry about that,” she called, and I could tell she was choking back laughter. “I’m still loaded up with what you gave me last night.”

The comeback was on my tongue, and then… It wasn’t.

“Dammit,” I said, and then she was laughing for real.

Despite our closeness, Jill didn’t have any nicknames for me: my name is indeed Stikup. Chance Stikup, as a matter of fact. Like that dog from that book. I had always thought it an unusual title, but my mother was still living, so I couldn’t change it yet – not without hurting her feelings.

And yes, it is pronounced “stick–up”. It was sort of an oxymoron – or an irony, whichever it was – with which I amused myself whenever I got bored: a Detective? Involved in a heist? Never – God forbid.

At any rate, I’ve always considered “Stikup” a fairly suitable name for a fairly decent private eye, and that was indeed my profession. Just to set the record straight, I would prefer to go by “gallant” and “daring”, but that would just be presumptuous and fantastical.

Stikup suits me fine.

Jill was my secretary. She was neat as a pin – the complete opposite of me in every respect. Dancing green eyes, a petite and perfectly centered nose, cheeks dusted lightly with freckles, forever–wavy amber hair, and a sweet smile that can make your insides melt. And to complete the perfection, she made a killer cup of java, even out of the no–name–brand stuff.

How a girl like her had ended up as a lowly secretary for a fool of a PI was a mystery even to me. I remembered her showing up for the interview, and then poof: it was two years later and she was still working for me.

Either she’s got a hell of a lot of patience, or she’s a glutton for punishment.

From two years of experience, I knew it was the former and that Jill was one of the most sweet–tempered women I had ever met. God would bless her liberally for putting up with me. Maybe she’d get a condo next to Moses.

Shaking myself out of those scattered thoughts, I removed my dripping fedora and hung it on the rung next to my coat. I swiped at my nose with my sleeve as I padded down the hall towards my office, wishing I had a dry pair of socks somewhere in the vicinity. My feet were soaked and freezing.

My mother would have fussed. Jill would too, but I wasn’t going to let her know.

I stopped in my doorway for a moment, just to let my eyes adjust to the dim lighting. The bulb in the overhead had gone out and I didn’t have a spare, so I was making due by exercising my night vision.

Needless to say, the furniture in the room – especially the desk – was a mess. Papers, papers, and more papers cluttered everything, stacked higher than a ruler, and the dust beneath them had to be an inch thick to boot. The wastebin next to my desk was overflowing; paper wads were piling up on the floor around it, and quite a few blank envelopes had fluttered to the floor during my excursion to the outdoors.

As a matter of fact, the clutter was getting so bad that it was starting to migrate from my desk to the dusty coffee table, which stood in front of the threadbare sofa. Here was where the empty coffee mugs resided. Jill usually came in to get them after I started building pyramids and columns with them.

An old–fashioned phone sat on the corner of the cluttered desk, the least–used object in the room. Maybe that had something to do with why I had never gotten around to replacing it with something more modern. But then again, maybe I just liked the rustic look – like something out of the old cop movies.

Jill often yelled at me for entertaining such melodramatic fantasies – like I could really curb them. Maybe if I took a steady dosage of Ritalin and kept myself distracted by whatever reality set before me. Jill made me coffee every other hour, and that helped, although I wouldn’t have put that much work into me.

Weren’t we the epitome of stereotypes? Sloppy male boss looked after by his neat, mother–like secretary.

I definitely got the better end of the bargain. But hey, it worked: Jill would have just directed that benevolence in someone else’s direction, because that was just who she was – a sweetheart. And I was a mooch, so our relationship was somewhat symbiotic.

And isn’t that a beautiful thought?

Loosening my damp tie, I crossed to the big oak desk, which stood with its back facing the big bay window. The blinds were open to let in the maximum amount of light possible, and through the slats I had a clear view of the winter wonderland that was Crescent Street.

I dropped heavily into the swivel chair behind the desk, brushing aside several Tastycake wrappers to make room on the desk surface as I did so.

Jill had brought in the mail and had placed it in the “in” tray on my desk. Reluctantly, I scooped up the pile and rifled through it in disgust. Bills, bills, bills.

Stupid bills. Nasty, disgusting, stupid bills. I chuckled to myself. I really am a complainer.

Well, no one’s perfect.

Jill came in a moment later with the afore–promised mug of coffee, blowing on her fingers to keep from burning them. She smiled at me as she set the mug down on my desk – right in front of me, in the space I’d just cleared.

“Here you are, Mr. Stikup,” she said, somehow managing to sound cheerful despite the dragging hours.

I scoffed, grateful for the drink and a diversion. “More like Mr. Break–his–back–for–no–good–God–damned–reason.” I took a tentative sip and smiled at what I tasted. “Thanks, Jill.”

“Anytime,” she replied with a mock curtsey.

“Really?” I asked, joking but knowing it was the truth.

Jill knew just how to make me smile; she did it on a regular basis with a combination of jokes and uncommon generosity. Women are funny creatures – perceptive and smart, but immature for the most part when it comes to emotions and feelings.

But what do I know? I don’t have a woman; I’d never been able to keep one.

As Jill left the room, I reached for the nearest stack of bills, and – screwing up my face for the worst – slit open the one from the electric company. A quick scan told me all that I needed to know, so I offered my best wince and dropped the envelope and its contents onto the desktop.

I thought: Do I even havethat much money?

Most people would be skeptical if I were to share the details of my financial crises. After all, people in my line of work – private investigators – get paid big time for their work. But I was no Sherlock Holmes who was always in demand for one thing or another. I was just average, and in a quaint little town like Swedesboro – where relatively nothing happened – there wasn’t much demand for a man of my profession.

As a matter of fact, there isn’t much demand for an average PI anywhere: you’ve got to be the best of the best of the best when you do the kind of stuff I do, or you get glossed over for the bigger guns. Besides, I wasn’t even part of the local police force either – I ran my own agency which consisted of two people: Jilly and me.

On the plus side, it was nice to be able to randomly take days off, show up late without fear of retribution, and sometimes even shirk the nice dress. So long as I had money to pay the bills, doing what I did was easy and relatively painless.

The Swedesboro police would call me out to aid in cases on occasion – either ones too small for the local Sheriff to concern himself, or ones that had long since grown cold and the SPD didn’t feel like wasting their time on it anymore. The district was selective, though: resorting to the assistance of a PI was a last–ditch attempt – the last, most desperate measure.

I resented it, but hell – I’d chosen this line of work, and I’d known ahead of time that it meant living on the back burner.

Of course, there were also the occasional jobs from random citizens down the avenue who wanted me to find debtors or creditors, old friends years removed, or even lost information on ancestors. But those jobs were generally under the table and didn’t really pay all that much to begin with.

Maybe I’m just too generous.

Running a private agency, I collected a minimal amount of money from self–employment. However, the government only gave me money if I was earning money to pay them back with, and I hadn’t had a real client for nearly a full year.

So, if I didn’t start getting hired for more jobs, then my self–employment funding was going to be slashed. If I didn’t keep getting that check every month, then I wouldn’t be able to pay my bills, and I would lose my office – not to mention my job. If I lost my office and my job, then I would lose the shack–o’–crap in which I lived and would be forced to move in with my mother. If I had to move in with my mother, well…

Let’s just say that things wouldn’t work out. My mother, while far from being intolerable, was a strict old lady who believed strongly in men working for a living and being the providers for the family. Since I’d hit thirty-two just a few short months ago, I would put money on her booting me out within a week.

I had gotten my three–month notice from the self–employment pencil–pushers a month ago, which meant that I had already procrastinated finding a second job for long enough.

Contrary to what it may have seemed, I was desperate to keep my job as a PI, because it was what I loved doing. In fact, I was so desperate that I felt like standing out on the front porch with a bullhorn and shouting down the street: “Doesn’t anybody kill or steal around here anymore?!”

Jill had assured me – twice – that that course of action would be foolish, although I countered that it would be pretty goddamn funny.

So that Monday, the 29th of November, found me in the process of halfheartedly looking for a second job to keep paying my dues. However, I hadn’t even come close to finding anything that met my fancy. The classifieds were all calling for nannies, petsitters, and the occasional custodian. Aside from the fact that none of those jobs interested me in the slightest, it didn’t help my situation any that I was a procrastinator.

And your ridiculous delusions of grandeur make it impossible for you to keep your feet on the ground.

I sighed, twirling a pen between my fingers.

Well, thinking optimistically, I still had those two months of cushioning – plenty of time for me to find a new job, or for some bigwig to come waltzing into the office, seeking someone to help him find the devious perp who stole his Lamborghini.

And he’ll pay up front and tip generously when I find the car within a day.

“Ahh, who am I kidding?” I asked aloud, slumping forward on my elbows, glaring at the bills as though my predicament was their fault. Optimistic thinking wasn’t my forte – Jill would do that for me. “I’ll be wallowing in my little house soaking up unemployment until the bitter end.”

Sighing again, I swiveled the chair around and stood to look out the window. The snow was still falling – no surprise there – and no one could tell that a certain individual had wasted nearly an hour of his life shoveling the front walk.

For a long moment, I just sat there, wallowing in self–pity. Finally – about the time my back started aching from slouching so badly – I checked my watch with another sigh and concluded that it was 7:30 already. This time of day was also known as “time to close the office and head home for a late dinner after another boring, uneventful day”.

I stood and stretched, still deep in thought.

It made me feel bad for Jill. At least I didn’t mind the lifestyle. If only she hadn’t fallen into this pit with me, she could actually have had a decent life. Unfortunately for her, niceness could also be a shortcoming: she would never quit, not while I still had work for her to do and the money with which to pay her.

But hey, she was young – there was still hope for her yet. Maybe I would fire her and do her a favor.

Now, would that be considered benevolent or cruel? I mentally asked the landscape, which hung over the sofa. That would save me the trouble of finding her a Christmas gift.

In my head, I envisioned her crying in front of me, like Rhett in Gone With the Wind.

“Jill, you’re fired,” I said in my head. Maybe I said it aloud too; I’ll never know. “It’ll be better this way, babe, just trust me on this one. No, no – no need to thank me, I’m just doing a service to humanity.”

I shook my head and turned away from the painting. God I needed sleep.

I locked my cabinet and the drawers on my desk out of habit, extinguished the fire in the fireplace out of common sense, and exited into the hallway, locking the door behind me out of a somewhat OCD need for security.

Chewing the inside of my cheek, I strolled down the hall to Jill’s office, wishing that I had actually done some serious work that day – if only to justify the feeling of utter exhaustion that was creeping upon me.

And the icing on the cake? It was only Monday.

“Time to go home,” I announced, poking my head in her door.

Jill glanced at the clock on the wall behind her for confirmation, as though I’d make something like that up. “Really?” she asked incredulously.

“Time flies when you’re having fun, sweetheart,” I said, downing the last dregs from my mug. The coffee was now lukewarm, borderline stone–cold, and it made me grimace.

“Fun?” she questioned skeptically, taking the now–empty mug from me and dropping it in the bathroom sink – adjacent to her office – to be washed later. I kept telling myself that if I ever got some extra money, I would someday add another larger bathroom onto the office.

I grinned at her, spreading my arms wide. “Living your working life with your one and only Chance Stikup. Every day is a new adventure!”

“Right.” Jill paused to place a folder in the top drawer of her cabinet – probably something to do with my finances. They were a complicated mess, something only Jill could have organized. “The continuing adventures of your caffeine addiction.”

We bundled up in the doorway, piling on the coats, gloves, and hats, and then walked outside into the snowstorm. It took about fifteen minutes to clean the snow off the cars, but scraping windows was one of my specialties.

And it was a marketable skill. Now if only I could find someone gullible enough to pay me by the hour and leave me alone while I worked.

“See you tomorrow, Mr. Stikup,” Jill said, climbing into her vehicle. She waved as she pulled away from the curb.

Despite the fact that I constantly admonished her not to call me that, she still insisted on it.

Jill was only 25. She was fresh out of college and had somehow stumbled across my ad for an assistant about two years ago. No one else had wanted to be a third–rate detective’s secretary, but Jill had taken the job. I suppose I paid her well enough, despite her teasing to the contrary. I had on several occasions encouraged her to quit and pursue a life, but she had always insisted that she was happy with the work and she wasn’t ready to move on yet.

She certainly was a sweetheart – polite as one could get, a modest dresser, and not prone to profanity. I had only heard her curse at the coffee maker once, and that had been after a long day of exasperation (when I’d still had “cases” with which to deal), so in my mind she was excused. Jill came into the office early every morning, always wore the same perfume – something that reminded me pleasantly of crisp autumn days – and was always smiling.

She’s a gem, that one.

Wrenching myself from my thoughts, I fumbled with my keys to get my battered Ford Anglia unlocked.

Daydreaming, fantasizing, complaining. I’m a goddamn kid in an adult’s body – I admit it fully. And my mother still makes PB&J when I visit her.

By the time I reached my house, the snow was nearly up to my thighs. The plows had come through at least twice, creating snowdrifts almost taller than I was along the curbs and against the telephone poles. The cars parked on either side of the streets were spattered with muddy slush.

It was nearly impossible to see through the icy curtain.

Cursing, I fought my way to the crooked front door and unlocked it. The house was so small and disorderly that I never had any company over. It was probably too small to fit anyone else in there beside myself anyway.

I turned up the heat the moment that I was inside and threw my coat and gloves haphazardly over the coat rack. With my reputation as a slob ensured, I headed to the kitchen where I fished leftover Chinese food out of the back of the refrigerator. I ate my pitiful meal of cold broccoli and rice over yesterday’s newspaper, and then turned in for the night, sighing as I thought about the prospect of another boring day with nothing to do.

It was just another typical day in the life of an indebted, third–rate PI.

And yet, I loved it.