It was a chilly morning when Mortimer (who has hated his name since birth) entered Le Café Blanc. He didn’t speak French, but it was okay, since it wasn’t really French. It was faux-french. They made good crepes, though. For those delicious crepes, he spent every morning of the last 68 years in Le Café Blanc. There he met his best friend, Walter. Before he met Walter, he had contented himself with his imaginary friend, Spanky. How he had loved Spanky, but Spanky became jealous of Walter and stole Walter’s gerbil and ran away to Zimbabwe where he was crowned king and refused to come home. It is rumored that all Spanky ever said during his rule of Zimbabwe was, “Where’s Waldo?”

Mortimer loved this story, but he died immediately after reading it, so goodbye, Mortimer, so long, farewell. Hope you can escape the dude behind you with the scythe. For you see, Mortimer isn’t Mortimer. Mortimer is Waldo’s original name, since he changed it 32 years ago. The problem, then is that there’s a dude in black asking,

“Where’s Waldo?”