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Dear Father,
You told me once that no matter where you were, even six feet under, I could reach you by a letter. Well, you’re six feet under, and I can only hope this reaches you somehow.
I miss you…terribly. Life isn’t the same without your laughter. I’m not used to going to bed without receiving my hug from you, and I fall asleep cold. Mother is so tired now, Daddy. She misses you, too. We wish you were still here with us.
I know you always felt bad about being away so much when I was little. You sailed the seas without reservation, always away from us and yet always on our minds. I never told you how much I admired you. I still do. You were brave and true and even though you weren’t there in person, you were in my heart. You made up for it later, always being by my side. I still remember the day you came home for good, limping but otherwise healthy. I loved you so much.
But now I’m lost. I can’t seem to live without your solid advice. Mother’s no help. She just lies around all day. I’m trying to be strong like you told me, but it’s really hard.
So I’m putting this letter in the knot in that old tree just like you told me to do if I ever needed you. I remember you said that it might take a while, but you would always get it and come back to me. Please, come back to me.
Your Janie
It’s been two months since your death, and Mommy’s fading quickly. She loved you so much, and now she has nothing to hold on to. I’ve tried to help, but I guess I’m not enough. Oh, I hope the page doesn’t smear. My tears are getting in the way…
I wish I could have seen you before you were buried. I realize now I needed that closure. It isn’t enough they told me you were dead. I don’t care if those men were your friends. I wanted to see you. I needed to see you.
Sometimes I wonder if you’re still alive. I fantasize that this is all some dream, that when I wake up you’ll be there, and nothing will be bad any more.
I love you.
Your Janie
Mommy’s dead. It happened just last week. She couldn’t go on without you, I guess.
Since I’m only seventeen, I’m going to live with godmother Casey who lives in the next county. Somehow I’ll write to you and get it to the tree. You always said I could reach you. My other letters are still there, but I know you’ll get them soon.
This is my third letter to you and I must say that life is quite dismal here at home. Everything is being packed up for my move, and nothing reminds me of you any more. It’s rather sad.
Your Janie
I wish I could say I was well, but I cannot. Casey is a retch of a woman; I can barely believe she’s human. She pays little attention to me, and when she does notice my existence, she’s cruel. I’ve read so many books about this type of abuse, but I never imagined it could happen to me. The only bright light on the horizon is my coming marriage—arranged, of course. Casey is sick of the “little chit sucking down” her food and time. His name is Kyle; that’s all I know.
Lord, I hope he’s a good man. I think of how much you loved Mommy and pray that Kyle is as good to me as you were to her. Are you in heaven, Daddy? Can you put in a good word for me?
Your Janie
Thank you. Somehow you got my message, even though the letters are still there. Kyle is wonderful to me. He treats me kindly and I believe is even falling in love with me. Give God my regards and thanks.
He is a fine man. He is marginally wealthy, though that hardly matters to me. I can’t say enough how good he is. Just yesterday he gave me a surprise; my very own garden house! You know how much I love flowers, and he acted on that love. Oh, I am so very happy.
I must say though, Father, that I might not be able to speak to you much any more. Kyle lives even farther from the tree than Casey did, and now that I’m married, I have duties to fulfill. Please know that I am always thinking of you and Mommy. Say hello to her for me.
Your Janie
Today is me and Kyle’s third anniversary, and what a gift we have been given! I’m pregnant!
Yes, there’s a life inside of me, and I can’t get over the shock. I’m so deliriously happy that sometimes Kyle asks if I’m alright; I’m smiling so much. My garden has done well. Its flowers bloom with a vibrancy I could not imagine existed. Life has blossomed for me like those flowers, and I can only thank you and God for that. You always believed in me, Daddy, and for that I am grateful.
You always said I could reach you, and that you would come back for me. You have come back; you must have. Your spirit flows with me wherever I go and I know you’re watching over me.
How’s Mother? Is she happier now that she’s with you again? Tell her that I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough. I understand. You, Father, are so wonderful. I’m surprised I didn’t die after you did. I wanted to, but now I’m glad I did not. Had I followed you to heaven, I would not now be harboring a small child, completely reliant on me for its survival. Ah, such an amazing feeling.
I love you.
Your Janie
Samantha was born today! She’s beautiful and healthy and Kyle loves her almost as much as I do. Our first child is born, and though the experience was strange and painful, the result could not be more wonderful. My husband and I are parents… It’s hard to believe.
I now understand how it is to be in control of a tiny life. You know you must cherish them, protect them, and love them. I thank you so much for cherishing, protecting, and loving me.
You always said I could reach you by letter, no matter where you were. I’m going to promise the same thing to my child when she’s old enough to hear it. I want her to know how much I care for her, just as you did for me. It’s a legacy I am proud to carry. I will tell her so much about you; she will love her grandfather, even if she doesn’t know him.
This babe I have carried for nine months and now given birth to is truly a gift; my gift from God. I will treat her as such. I promise to you and the Lord above; I will always love her, no matter what happens along the way.
Your Janie (a new mother!)
It’s been so long.
Years and years long. Though it has been a long time since I wrote to you, know that you have never left my heart or mind. I think of you often these days. Samantha is seven now, and she has two younger brothers to deal with. They are a handful, but I love each and every one. Jeremiah and Nathaniel are two more stars in my night sky, and I thank the heavens for them every day. Poor Jeremiah… He was born handicapped—one of his legs is shorter than the others. It’s hard to see now, but will become more prominent as he grows older. He will be forced to walk with crutches for most of his life.
I understand now what it is like to truly fear for my child. I pray he goes through life with a positive outlook, as you taught me to do. Samantha is the oldest, and Jeremiah is the youngest with a handicap. Sometimes Nathaniel gets lost in the shuffle. God give me the strength to show him continually how much I love him.
I began telling Samantha about you when she was four. I told her of your many adventures on the sea and your fierce bravery in the face of opposition. I told her of your promise to me, and my promise to her.
When Jeremiah is old enough to understand, I will tell him of your leg injury. Maybe knowing that his brave grandfather was handicapped for much of life will give him the conviction to survive that you had.
You said I could reach you no matter where you are, and I hope it is true. I sincerely wish you know of my happiness and well-being, for you deserve to be happy as well.
I love you.
Your Janie
Jeremiah got married today. His wife is young and beautiful just like him, and they make each other happy. I can’t help thinking of your marriage to Mother and mine to Kyle. Both were happy and long-lasting, and I wish as much for my youngest son.
Samantha is pregnant with her second child. She’s sick with this one, and we worry for her health. Hope, however, is never far away. Too much good has happened in our lives for this sadness to overwhelm it. Ask God to please bless my daughter and grandchild.
Nathaniel grew up strong and loving, just like you. Oh, he looks so much like you, too. I stare at him and think of all the wonderful times we had together. He has decided to become a merchant, sailing across the oceans just like you did. I’m so proud of him. I know that you and God go with him.
I love you so much, Daddy. I know that without your support early on, none of this would have happened. I needed you to teach me what you did so I could pass it on to my children.
I grow older, and it’s beginning to show. Both Kyle and I have pains in our wrists and knees, and my hair is dipping toward the white side. I don’t care. My age brings wisdom and pride, and I welcome those gifts. You never had a chance to greet old age.
Your Janie
I’m dying. My age has caught up with me at last, and though I do not wish to leave my family, neither do I fear death. My life has been long and full, and death cannot take away the legacy I have left to my children.
Samantha had a baby girl just a short time ago. Carla-Jane she named her. Samantha’s earlier child never made it past the birthing, but she herself managed to pull through. She was devastated at first, but I helped her to understand that death is a part of life. You taught me that.
Nathaniel is alive and well, but has retired from sailing. He grew bored with it quickly enough and moved on. Such a restless boy. Ah, well, he will do fine either way.
And Jeremiah—dear Jeremiah—he has a family as well now. His wife gave birth to a fourth child just recently, and I was able to meet a sixth grandchild before I die.
You told me once that no matter where you were, I could reach you with a letter. I finish this one sitting beside the tree you told me to put them in, and I see that all my old ones are still there. Physically they never got to you, but I firmly believe their messages were sent. How could they not have been, when I still feel your presence, even now? I simply smile at the thought that soon I will be with you and Mother again, up in heaven.
I love you.
Your Janie
You told me once that no matter where you were, I could reach you by a letter. I simply pray that this message gets to you, even beyond the grave.
Since your death it has been so hard to continue life myself. You always gave such love to me, and I shall never forget it. How could I, when I am reminded of it each time I look at my own daughter? She is so beautiful, just like you were.
I remember sitting on your lap as a child and listening to your stories of Grandpa. You were so fond of him, and your love passed to me and your sons. We all miss you terribly, and though we are sad you cannot be here in person, we know you are happy. You are with Grandpa. And I know it sounds silly, but I feel you here still. Your spirit follows me; it must, for I love you as much now as I did when you were alive. That will never end.
You taught us all so much. Through thick and thin your love survived, and I only hope my love for my family can be as strong as that. Even at the worst of times, when I lost my baby, you kept me sane. I will never forget that.
Just this morning I sat with Carla-Jane on my lap and told her about you. She is young yet and vulnerable, and I understand how it must have been for you to look upon your newborn children. I told her about your strength and beauty and your ever-lasting impact on our lives. Even when her physical memory of you fades, she will never forget you. Neither will I.
I love you.
Your Dearest Samantha