I can barely believe it’s you
The sun reflecting off your newly blonde hair
I forgot it was your natural colour
You’ve hidden behind black paint for so long
You look different
Somehow
Your skin no longer pale and sallow
Your eyes no longer dull and lifeless
You look like you again and
My heart swells with relief
Not that you knew I was worried
Or noticed

I missed you
Stupid as it sounds
You were never around that much anyway

You smile at me and I remember
Hot June nights
Soft kisses in my garden
Tentative motions towards the bedroom
Laughter from downstairs as you climbed into my bed
Flushed cheeks and hot breath and sweat
Running down your stomach as you moved against me
So slowly then so urgently

It’s June now
And I wish nostalgia was real
Tangible memories to
Touch and feel and taste and hold
My body aches to feel you against me
My skin aches to press itself to yours
My heart aches to be broken
All over again

I want to brush the long hair from your eyes
You glance away from me, mumbling
God, you’re beautiful
You always were

And I was always unworthy
And I miss June nights
And your sweet kisses
And when you leave me
Standing in the street alone
I pretend I’m getting used to this