In Memory of Josh

By Megan Pettitt

Michelle sat in a chair, beside the podium onstage, watching the crowd and listening to the speaker. She hadn’t been in that gym for ten months. It’d been even longer since she’d been on that stage.

The faces in the audience were saddened: some were covered in tears, some were only momentarily dry. She sighed, holding tears back as the speaker glanced over, and motioned to her.

“Our final speaker is Michelle Donovan…Michelle?” She sniffled, and stood, stepping up behind the podium to face everyone in the audience. She took a breath, hoping her hands would stop shaking, and glanced at the paper before on her the platform. After a second of silence, she turned, and changed the large display picture on the tripod behind her. She replaced the collage of photos of the same boy with random others, including herself, with a photo of that boy, his bright blue eyes sparkling beneath his shaggy black hair and bangs that framed his face, and his glasses, as he smiled at the camera, presenting the metal braces across his teeth. Written beneath the photo was:

Joshua Matthew Donovan

December 9, 1985- January 23, 2004

Beloved brother, son, and friend

Michelle sighed, and moved to the podium again, setting the other photo against it.

“I stand before you with a heavy heart…It has been one year since I stood on this stage, so excuse me if I start stuttering…” She paused, taking a deep breath. “All Josh wanted was a friend…and a good friend. Not someone who would be nice to his face, and talk bad behind his back. Someone who’d always defend him, be there for him…things of that sort. And he wanted to be the same. Last year, Josh met that friend, in Melissa Rivers. They were great friends for the only four months she was here…the last four months she was alive.” Michelle paused, looking around. Her eyes watered as the saw the distressed faces before her. She took a deep breath, and continued.

“Melissa was a loner, just like Josh. They worked hard on their studies, did what they were supposed, what they were told…what they thought and knew what was right. They were the best of friend. Everything about them was pretty much the same…Except that Melissa couldn’t handle the taunting as well as Josh. She was not as used to it…she couldn’t take it..” Michelle pulled memories to her mind, witnessing the entire incident again, to avoid everyone’s looks.

“One day, I was watching TV, while Josh sat beside me doing his English homework, and the phone started to ring. I watched him get up and answer it…and go completely pale, and wide-eyed, and shaking…It was Mrs. Rivers. Melissa had come home in tears about four that afternoon, apparently because she’d been teased, taunted, and bullied at lunch, and P.E., and Josh was working on a project, and couldn’t support her.” Michelle stopped, taking a deep breath. “She’d been locked in her bedroom for three hours, and her mother began to get worried when Melissa didn’t answer when called down to dinner. When she went up to check on her, Mrs. Rivers found Melissa unconscious on the floor…clutched between her fingers was an empty bottle of anti-depressants. Melissa Rivers was dead…” she said softly. Faint sobs were heard in the crowd, and Michelle knew it was the Rivers’ family.

“Josh felt horrible…and quickly became angry. One week after Melissa died, Josh had an assembly called, right here. He wanted to say something to the kids, faculty, and parents…He stood right here, and told them how he felt. In my hands I hold his speech…and I’m gonna read it to you…” Michelle pulled a crumpled, tightly torn piece of paper from beneath her own speech. At the top, it read, “Melissa’s Speech, by Josh Donovan.” She sniffled.

“’I stand here, because you need to hear what I have to say. You need to know how it feels. My best and only friend Melissa Rivers is dead. Suicide by overdose of anti-depressants, one week ago, at seven ‘o’ three p.m. Discovered by her own mother. I want you to understand why she did this, so I can try to comprehend what truly lies inside your heart. Think of coming home one day, and think of your mom…or dad…or sister…or brother…Imagine that the one person you love more than anything has killed themselves, because I picked on them mercilessly, and they weren’t stable enough to handle it…okay? You’d feel sad and upset…but so pissed off, too, at me that you could kill me. You’d also, however, be stumped at how I could possibly do that to them…And now you know how I feel. Are your hearts honestly so black and dark, are your souls truly nonexistent and empty, that you just don’t care enough for a person’s well-being? That you could tease her relentlessly, making her have a breakdown and kill herself? What the hell is wrong with you?’” Michelle’s voice rose with anger, but began to tremble with sadness, because she knew what was coming.

“’Do you really have no souls? How can any real human being do such a thing to someone who has never done anything to them? You people that did this have no hearts, no souls…you are nothing but soulless, hollow, demon-loving bastards…I’m only telling the truth. Are you listening? You have to be listening to understand the pain and confusion…you have to listen…’” Michelle stopped. The audience was either in or near tears.

“It was at that very moment when one student in the back stood up. David Holley was a big time jock, and one of the students who’d picked on Melissa. He started yelling profanity at Josh, telling him he was lying, and that Josh was the heartless, soulless one, not himself…That was the point Josh stepped back from the mike, surprised…David pulled out his gun. Josh was frozen with fear, and before we knew what was happening, David…” She stopped, tears welling up in her eyes, and had to bite back a sob. “He…he…he pulled the trigger. Josh didn’t have a chance. The first bullet went thru his chest, knocking him back a step in surprise and shock…The second slammed thru his skull, and he hit the stage…” Michelle closed her eyes, seeing the image of Josh laying, motionless, on the stage. “…dead. My family and I were in the front row, and I was up here, screaming, crying, after the first bullet, before the second…Josh was dead before he landed…” Everyone in the audience, and everyone on stage, were now crying, except Michelle. She just had a couple tears on her cheeks. After a moment of silence, she looked around.

“Josh wanted us to try and understand his anger and pain, and that was the only way he knew how. Now we understand, though, don’t we? Josh and Melissa were best friends, and I’m sure they are still as they watch over us…” Michelle took a deep, shaky breath, and glanced up. “All Josh asked, at the end of that speech, was for us to listen. His last words were ‘you have to listen.’” Michelle tilted her head back a little more, looking up at the ceiling as more tears went down her cheeks. “Well, Josh…We’re listening now…” She moved away from the podium and collapsed in her chair, biting back sobs as tears moved down her face.

The End