On some days she will sit on the swing outside and close her eyes and listen quietly the sounds around her.

Concentrating on the soft rustling of leaves and the gentle lean-to sound of branches moving through the breeze above her head, she emerges herself in the softness of the breeze gently brushing against her skin, then lets her emotions go with a heavy sigh.
The silent moments of such things brings a vigil feeling of emptiness inside of her, and she slowly begins to hate the place where she is living, inside of herself and her mind.

She looks up and glances out across the field from her and stares at the stop sign. The same stop sign that continually speaks to her and tells her that she isn't permitted to travel passed.

Her heart clenches as she takes a deep breath and whispers to herself, "What have I done?"

A small town, in Small Town, USA where the closest thing to excitement is walking the BP ten minutes from where her head lays, to rest at night.

She shifts quietly and asks herself, "Why did I come here?" Even though she knows the answer, as soon as the thought arrives, she closes her eyes and desperately tries to push it out of her mind. Happiness has become such a benign feeling to her. She quielty remembers the words someone once spoke about her, "She'll never be happy."

She opens her eyes as she feels the first tingles of sadness course through her. A slow darkness begins to creep over her as she slowly resides in herself, "Maybe she's right. Maybe I never will be happy."

She slowly sits up and bring her hands together as she looks down at her feet then to the sand and rocks, as her mind slowly slips back in time, remembering. Remembering everything.

As she remembers a time when she was always happy, she began to hum a tune to a song her closest friend once sang to her, "Hold onto the light that guides you, hold on the air that cools you, hold on, hold on.. to me..." She wondered if her friend remembered, or even thought of the late night phone calls, the laughter and silly jokes; the smallest things that always made her smile.

She felt her lips turn slightly as she reminisced, remembering the soft gentle sound of her friends voice. Achingly remembering every moment shared, from the first to the most recent, amazed at how much happiness can be found in just one person.

She sighed once more and lifted her arms to cross over her chest, to drop them on her lap, to raise them once more and wrapped her arms around herself, placing her hands on her arms, slowly pulling her knees to her chest.

She lowered her head as she thought about her most recent conversation with her friend, and felt her saddest emotions stir through her. A darkness ripped through her as she softly began to cry, and lowered her head to her knees. Wrapping her arms around her legs, she cried harder and felt the floodgates of so much sadness erupt through her.
Her words softly moved through her again, "You can't be sad, I can't handle that right now..."

"I remember happiness. I remember the feelings I got when she used to talk to me. She made me feel like I was the only one. That meant the world to me," whispering inside of her own thoughts, then lifted her eyes just above her knees, looking out at the field and spoke to no one, "But I'm happy for her dammit. I'm fucking happy for her."

She raised her head, pressing her lips together and whispered once more, to no one in particular, "I remember sadness, too." Then she rose, hooking her fingers in the pockets of her jeans and turned to the open field filled with nothing, and wondered if she dared to walk that mile would life begin if she stepped onto that barren grass and sand.

"It reminds me of a desert, empty and barren, like my chest."

Scolding herself she turned and thought, "Childish notions." But all harmless.

"Blindsided again," she mumbled as she turned to walk inside the place of no comfort where she now resdided.
Walking through the family room down the dark hallway, avoiding that creaking board and stepped into what was referred as her bedroom.
She looked at the orange walls and flourescent stars on the ceiling as her thoughts and emotions still lingered.
Sadness had found a new meaning and left her barren.

"I used to think I could embrace emptiness, but now.. I don't want it."

She sat on the edge of her bed, and wished things could be like they used to be.
"I miss her."

She sighed restlessly then leaned back against her pillow and closed her eyes, then opened them a short moment later to look up at the fake starline on the ceiling.

The two biggest stars glared back at her, silently whispering to her, "A la luna, a través de las estrellas y de la parte posteriora otra vez, mi corazón."

She repeated the same words back to those stars as her eyes slowly closed with the last thoughts floating through her mind, "I wonder if she's thinking of me."