Tears stained his face, blood the razor he gripped as if his life depended on it, and maybe, in some twisted way it did. He felt that if he didn’t make those cuts he wouldn’t be able to cope with whatever shit life threw his way, and in his opinion that was a lot of stuff. But there was always the risk that he would cut too deep and up there, on the lonely rooftop, there would be no help.

Not that that was exactly a new concept, in fact it was the story of his life. Not that he ever confided that in anybody. He was alone and hurting, in his heart, and in his soul and the only way he felt like he could really deal was to add more pain, this time physical.

Sometimes he wondered if he should just press that little bit deeper, end it all there. But he couldn’t. He was scared, scared that he would go to hell even though he wasn’t religious, scared that he would miss out on some great event which was scheduled for his future. So he just allowed the razor to break the flesh, draw blood and sting, but nothing too serious.

Well, nothing that he perceived as being too serious but there was somebody who begged to differ.

He noticed the frequency with which Devin would wander off, but it took awhile before he mustered up the courage to follow him as stealthily as he could manage. So he discovered that the teen went up to the rooftop of the science building. And for a moment that contented him until the curiosity of what he did up there began to nag at him.

One day he didn’t stop once Devin got to the roof, instead he carried on following, and he saw the way the sunlight glistened off the razor and he was horrified to discover that the person he liked did such a base act. But that quickly gave way to more curiosity. He wanted to know why Devin did this to himself.

But his was not an easy task. For one the brunette didn’t allow anybody to breach the barriers he had carefully constructed to stop people from hurting him just as they had in the past. Any conversation that Ken attempted to initiate just ended in a cold, calculated response. Not that such a thing would discourage him, after all he already knew what Devin was like, everybody in their year knew about the unfeeling, detached student of class 11B.

Ken attempted to use this to his advantage. He asked his friends, acquaintances, strangers if they knew who Devin Bronson was. Most said yes, but when enquired what else they knew about him they had nothing of use. Well, it wasn’t especially surprising considering that Ken had been watching him so intently and had learnt very little. How were people who didn’t care really going to know something that had eluded him?

So it seemed that Ken would have to confront the little brunette himself. Which is why he was stood on the rooftop behind Devin. Just watching and waiting, not one hundred percent sure on how exactly to proceed.

Unaware that there was anybody behind him Devin dragged his razor blade across the flesh of his inner arm, red cuts imposed over scars of varying degrees of seriousness, and age. The more recent scars were the more serious ones. When he started he didn’t even scar the skin, he just had scratches. Definitely nothing serious.

He was too into the act of creating his physical pain in an attempt to forget the other kinds, to notice the teen approach him, as light-footed as he could be. He did, however, notice the arms that wrapped protectively around him.

Startled he screamed briefly, then immediately quietened, disgusted at himself for showing that emotion.

A whispered request from the interrupter. “Stop…”

He was a raging mass of emotions at that point. Confusion was predominant though. Why was there somebody there? Why did he care? What was his motive because everybody had some other agenda which he wasn’t privy to. That’s why they managed to leave him without warning, to hurt him so completely with what seemed to be without a second thought.

And as much as he hated it he couldn’t help the fresh tears that ran down his cheeks.

“Why?” Devin asked in his broken voice, with his clouded eyes.

Ken struggled for words. How did he say it? How could mere words convey why he couldn’t have the person that he liked hurt himself. He wanted to help but that that on its own wasn’t enough.

“I can’t just watch when you do this to yourself. I can’t just know that you’re doing it and not want to help. I think that it’s my destiny to help you.” He laughed. “That sounded so lame.”

Devin was stunned into silence. It was all in the tone. It made him want to believe the words that were being spoken but… No. He had been down this path before. He knew where it lead. Pain. The type he wanted to forget more than anything, the type he never wanted to relive.

“Then don’t watch,” advised the brunette before lifting the razor to cut across his arm to emphasise his point.

“No!” Ken screamed, his cheeks wet with tears.

The brunette couldn’t help but falter, the emotions in the other boy’s voice was just too much for him to listen to. It made him question everything that he had been doing for as long as he could remember. He didn’t like that, the feeling that he had been wrong, that he had ruined something.

Did the other boy like him? Was that why he seemed to care so much? He probably didn’t know. He didn’t factor in the fact that Ken was still there, holding him, trying to will his strength into the smaller boy.

Slowly Devin gave the razor to Ken, his blood still along one edge. He rationalised it as him having nothing to lose, after all it’s not like that was the only razor he had (even with him at school) and it’s not like he couldn’t improvise to find a tool. So really, it didn’t matter if he gave this boy a part of himself, because he was already broken so there would be some shards left to hurt.

“Thank you,” Ken whispered, holding him tighter.

They were sat up there, on that lone rooftop, together in silence for a long time, until Devin couldn’t bare being alone with his thoughts any longer. The doubt, insecurity and, as always, confusion.

“Why?” he asked quietly.

“Do you want me to tell you that I love you?” Ken asked. “That I’ve been watching you, wanting to know you and when I glimpsed this aspect of your personality I just knew that I had to help you any way that I could? Is that what you need to hear?”

Devin honestly didn’t know. Was it a comfort to know that somebody cared, or a disadvantage? If he knew that when he hurt himself he was hurting someone else would he be able to continue? Probably not. Part of the reason was he felt invisible, insignificant, unloved, so what did he matter what he did in the privacy afforded to the rooftop?

“Just… let me help. Please,” Ken begged.

“But…” Did he even want a second chance? Well he didn’t want to condemn himself, that was why he had never cut deeper, that was why he was still alive. So what if this was the elusive great event scheduled for his future and he was just too scared to realise that and then he missed out? Again. “…Right.”

Ken brightened a little. “Really?” Devin could see how much it meant to the other, and he couldn’t help the tiniest smile that flittered across his features. “Just… why?”

The brunette laughed joylessly. “Do you want me to tell you how my dad left me and mum alone?” he questioned, almost mocking the way that Ken had spoken previously. “How that made her all depressed and me without anyone to care about me? How, in my life, I’ve made one true friend, at least I thought that he was, but one Summer he just moved house, and I got no warning? Went back to school in September and he was gone. Ha. I just thought he was on holiday, fool that I am.” Fresh tears traced a path down his cheeks. He hated talking about himself.

Ken’s embrace tightened, reminding Devin that he no longer needed to be alone, that there was someone there who cared for him. And even if it was unspoken, at least for the time being, there was the promise that Ken would always be there for Devin. Through the numerous problems that would likely be encountered, but then problems always seem that much clearer in the light of day and Ken was introducing Devin to the sun.

Ken was the sun.