Hi there! this is a revised version of 'the hanging'. if any of you are readers of princess tournament, this is a short story with a completely different tone and style. It is for school purposes so I desperately need feedback… constructive criticism needed (flames welcome also)…

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Love’s Sacrifice

A young man stood on a raised wooden platform, looking down at a crowded arena. His hands were tied together behind his back and a thick rope was around his neck. Around the platform, several knights were preparing to hang him. They worked for the king, who sat high on his throne on one side of the arena. He watched the young man with a cold, unforgiving expression. A knight approached the king and announced that they were ready. The king raised his hand and the crowd became silent.

All eyes were on the condemned man, but he didn’t seem to notice. He just stared at a beautiful young lady amongst the crowds. Through stray strands of her long black hair, her emerald eyes stared back at him. Her father stood beside her, dressed in black with a crimson sash, the symbol of a rebel leader.

The young man fixed his thoughts upon the lady, again. As he surveyed her pale face, he thought, “She is the only reason I would willingly die for.”

Everything was ready. A knight walked slowly up to the platform and turned to look at the king. He was waiting for the signal.

The doomed man closed his eyes as thoughts of last night’s events flashed through his mind.

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The young prince paced up and down his room, his shadow flickering in the candlelight. He was waiting for the return of his new princess who had disappeared after the wedding festivities.

The prince smiled faintly as he pictured her in his mind. She was like a shadow with her long black hair and dark flowing dress. Her green eyes held no emotions yet they mesmerized the prince. She was a picture of cold beauty; unfeeling and emotionless. The reason for her coldness was that she could not be distracted from her sole purpose in life, to revenge against a powerful man who had killed her mother. The prince knew that she could not love him, but he married her, hoping that she would open her heart and learn to love him.

All these thoughts filled the prince’s mind as he continued his pacing. The night was getting colder and the candlelight was fading; yet there was still no sign of the princess. As his impatience grew rapidly, the prince left the room to search for his princess. He figured that she might be talking with his parents, so he headed towards their rooms.

The prince shivered as he walked quickly yet softly through the dim corridors. As he ascended a staircase, the sudden movement of a shadow caught his eye. Something moved near the top of the stairs. The prince strained his eyes and saw a figure dart around a corner and disappear from his sight. He followed silently with growing apprehension. Judging from his swift and silent movements, the prince decided that the intruder must be a thief.

Unaware of the prince, the thief continued to flit from shadow to shadow along the corridors. When the he reached the last corner before the king’s rooms, the thief paused in front of a dim candle.

The prince almost gasped out loud.

The thief was female! In the faint light, the prince could just see her long braid of dark hair and a black veil, which covered the bottom half of her face. The thief continued towards the king’s bedroom, which was guarded by five knights. They started from their sleep as the thief approached them. Before they could react, she threw five gleaming daggers towards them. The prince watched in shock as the knights fell to the ground, silenced by the daggers.

“Assassin on fourth floor!” the prince yelled. He had realized that the intruder was not a thief; she was an assassin and she was after his father.

The assassin had stopped in surprise. Seizing this chance, the prince rushed towards her with his sword out. The assassin also drew her sword, but she reacted too late. Before she could get a firm grip, the prince sent her sword spinning out of her hands. She rushed after it but stopped. The cool, sharp edge of a blade was pressed against her neck. She swallowed and turned around to face her captor.

Their eyes met and it was the prince’s turn for a shock. As he stared into the emerald eyes, he realized who she was; he would never fail to recognize those eyes.

“You…” the prince choked in disbelief. In the silence that followed, a distant pounding of footsteps could be heard. The prince realized in dismay that this meant death for his princess. Unless…“GO!” the prince urged, “Hide somewhere. You can run away while I distract them!”

The princess hesitated. She then tore her eyes from his and ran into a room further down the corridor. Moments afterwards, the door of the king’s bedroom flung open and the king rushed out with his sword. He let out a cry of fury when he saw the prince with his sword drawn and five guards lying dead at his feet. Without hesitation, the king ordered the approaching knights to capture his son for attempted assassination.

The prince tried to escape the numerous knights, but it was useless. As he desperately defended himself, the prince looked back along the corridor. A door opened. A figure ran into the shadows and disappeared.

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The prince opened his eyes and saw that his princess was watching him. A single glistening tear trickled down her pale cheek. Her eyes, usually cold and emotionless, were now filled with untold anguish. Pain. Grief. Guilt.

The prince continued to watch the princess until he could no longer bear the sorrow in her eyes. He looked away. At that moment, the king gave the signal.

The lovers’ eyes met again. Only this time, the prince saw something different in her eyes; something apart from the pain, the grief, the guilt; something that he had never seen in her eyes before. Her eyes burned with one single emotion: Love. Upon seeing this, the prince’s heart grew light and he felt a wonderful peace in his soul. His wish was fulfilled. She finally returned his love.

Suddenly, the rope above his head became taut. He felt a stunning blow upon his neck. Blinding white light blazed all about him. There was a sound like the boom of thunder.

Then all was darkness and silence.

The Prince was dead, his lifeless body swinging gently from side to side.

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-sobs- Hmmm…. I have so many questions, please answer at least some if you decide to review…

is it good?

Are the emotional parts written well?

is there enough description?

Should I name the characters? If so, what names?

Any grammar etc problems?

Any other problems? suggestions? criticism?

Thanks guys

estelle