You walk with a grace.

While I stumble and trip.

You ask Why I’m scared.

You wouldn’t understand.

I ask Your deepest fear?

You say ‘Falling in love.’

I had to agree.

But when you asked me

I said, ‘Doors.’

I don’t know why.

I’m scared to come

I’m scared to go.

You laughed at me

And I laughed too.

I wish you laughed more

I want to make you smile.

A real smile.

Not the ones you shine on stage.

Not that Jack-o-Lantern grin

You throw at stranger

In your anger.

I hate that smile.

I never know

If you are being sincere.

You asked me to hold your hand

When I didn’t

You said, You were hurt.

I stared at the wall.

But your eyes intersected mine

Were they laughing at me?

Or begging me?

You hugged me

To show me

It doesn’t hurt.

I went stiff at first.

But you didn’t give up

Until I hugged you back.

I let my shield down,

And my world fell down too.

All because of you.

I laughed and wept.

I felt my heart beat

I had forgotten

That strange feeling.

How could you stand me?

What do you think of me?

With my ups andmy downs.

My shifting face

fromunstable passions.

You told me,

“I want to be the only one to make you smile.

The center of your mind

Every second

Your smile is mine.”

You say many things

Everything deep.

Sometimes dark and frightening

Other times free and dazzling

You speak of love.

You speak of hate.

I asked

“What is it like?”

“Love…”

You say savoring the word

“Makes it easier to breath…

The world softer.”

I nodded

Trying to diagnose myself.

“Hate is…

Confusing pain,

That makes everything ugly.”

I nodded

Then said, “Hate is easier.”

Your eyes dropped from mine.

Why do I say such things?

Shoot arrows from my wall?

To show I am still strong?

But I’m not

You make me weak

Every time I see you

I want a hug to feel safe.

You said they don’t hurt

I realized it does hurt

When you let go.

I told you nothing

For a few weeks

Avoided you in the halls

Finally, you called.

“What did I do wrong?”

You ask.

“Nothing… I’m just scared.”

“Why are you scared?”

“You wouldn’t understand…

You’re never afraid

What is your deepest fear?”

Silence then a whisper “Falling in love.”

I nodded knowing the pain.

“What is yours?” You ask.

“Doors,” I reply

Not knowing why.

You laugh

And I laugh.

We talked for a while

About Candyland, Life,

And our make believe family.

We joked about sex

Until we came back to Love.

I said I would never marry

You asked “Why not?”

“I’m a difficult person to love.”

I hear you hesitate, “I love you.”

“Don’t.” I said.

‘I love you too’ I thought and shivered.